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i just typed an entire post in ijournal before i logged and when i did it disappeared, under normal circumstances i would be pissed, but fuck it. i just faxed off a quote for a web development job, hopefully it comes through and i have some cash to squirrel away.

i’m working on good karma, i call santo domingo tomorrow, i need all that i can muster. it’s been 6 months 2 weeks since i’ve seen victoria and before that 8 months. this is not even marginally funny. it hurts physically and emotionally.

i will not go another 8 months before i see her again. i will not. this is not a tantrum, this is my mantra. one way or another i will see her, i will be with her by june. we will prevail.

last night i went to read and fell asleep just after 7pm, i just got up. what’s bothering me, is that even with close to 12 hours sleep i’m still tired. i was thinking a trip to the dr might be useful, but i doubt this lethargy is physical. it’s hard to focussed or drum up energy when your centre is missing.

i miss victoria. it’s really like a piece of my soul is missing and today i have to deal with more bureacracy. so the wait continues.

day 18

April 25, 2003 — Leave a comment

goooooooood morning world…

so it’s back to work this morning but i’m up early for other reasons, you don’t have much control on most of the factors in your life, however your technology should be one of them…

i definitely married the right woman, vic you are genius and a star. my love took down her imac and replaced the hard drive on her own last night (well i walked her through it over the phone)

…which brings me to the failings of technology…

it’s supposed to behave a certain way, there is no random behaviour (i believe that, really i do (tongue firmly in cheek)) we did everything correctly now it’s back to the drawing board on this cause after 2 hours and a drive replacement… nada, zip, zero, hard drive is not showing up when the machine boots and i know it works, well it was working when it left trinidad two days ago.

however fear not, our intrepid heroes will prevail.

in other news, i’m a constant seeker of information and on this quest for knowledge i came across this lovely tidbit…

www.sacred-texts.com

day 16

April 23, 2003 — Leave a comment

awake, alive, aware.

still fighting this goddamn flu and no it’s not SARS, the only reason i’m going to work today is that i have work to finish for a presentation and i always finish a project.

i have to admit i’ve done quite a lot of shit in my life, but the right things i do, stand out like a beacon. 🙂

i love you vic.

i made all sort of excuses before making this post today.

waiting to see how my day at work went, then came home and watched mindless tv for hours. i’m hooked, xfiles, charmed, gilmore girls and smallville. now it’s late and i’m getting the flu…

but i decided today is not a day for bitching. even though i’m getting the flu and my job sucks, blah, blah, blah…

today’s post is about victoria, for those of you, who don’t know, vic is my wife of 1 year, 3 months and 4 days, who i’ve seen once (7 month ago in london) since we got married.

the reason for our separation a long story, needless to say it involves some measure of bureaucracy (lots and lots of it, but that is a matter for another, less positive post)

in brief… vic is the love of my life, she is my joy. she makes me tremendously happy and strangely one of the reasons for my constant depression is that i’m away from her, it’s difficult to focus your energies when it seems like a major piece of your life is missing.

ok, i’m sliding the path of the maudlin plus i just started a major coughing fit, so i’m going to turn in for the night and continue this when i awake.

peace

it is as hot as hell here, just went to drop my daughter to the movies, first time i left my house for the weekend. scorchingly hot.

and the hills are on fire. everywhere you look, there are brush fires or the remains of brush fires, at night it’s really pretty to behold but as with a lot of other things the cold harsh reality of daylight… it’s really sad.

other comment, i loathe not having my own car, especially on long weekends. not so much for the freedom of being able to go where i want to and when, but for the security of having my life in my own hands.

it’s bad enough most people drive like assholes, but the asshole quotient seems to double, no fuck that quadraple, at least on a holiday weekend. my god, have these fuckers heard of defensive drive? signalling? what the fuck?

road rage is a concept very near and dear to my heart, i’m externally greatful i don’t drive a truck, cause some of the shit i see on the road, i will run your fucking ass over.

breathe, relax, the weekend was going so well. 🙂

yay, vic on a successful sortie in to wilds of sw florida to restore the books, toys, cds and dvds to our household. but especially the books,i love you darling. and a special thank you andrea, for putting up with my worry wart ways.

day six (edited)

April 13, 2003 — Leave a comment

today has been a very relaxing and enjoyable day. finished the ‘his dark materials’ series, just started a gift from my wife – a richard brautigan trilogy, it had been languishing at the bottom of a box of books she sent me. i love discovering new book. the SK has taken a back seat for the moment.

moving on…

it’s hot as hell, it’s night and it’s still in the 30s, is it the end of the world?

i used to worry about the future of the country/planet, but of late, i’ve met quite a few people, young and not so young who have rekindled my little faith in humanity. congrats to all of my new friends. you know who you are.

on another unrelated note…
samauri jack rocks. it’s quite possibly one of the best animated series on television. yes i’m a cartoon watcher. avid too. you have a problem with that?

anyway, i have a good book calling me.