Archives For October 2003

another milestone

October 31, 2003 — Leave a comment

the only disappointing thing about today is that i`m not going to be able to peel vic out of the costume she`s wearing tonight and have my treat later.

halloween is vic`s favourite holiday. and this one just joins all the other milestones we`ve missed thus far. hopefully it will be our last.

vic birthday is next tuesday and i`m working on her very spectacular birthday present. although getting this job is a great present, it`s not what i had in mind. 🙂

i hope you all have fun tonight, adults and your children, whatever your treats are.

November 10

October 31, 2003 — Leave a comment

that`s my tentative start date. i should get photos of potential apartments and all the forms i need to fill out within the coming week.

the upcoming week is going to be entertaining to say the least, for someone with no stuff i have a shitload of no stuff.

i have a boxful of books that i need to figure out how to take with me, i have clothes which seemed to have multiplied in the two years plus the winter jacket and sweaters.

there is a mention of a relocation allowance, i foresee most of that disappearing in overweight charges.

how does one accumulate so much shit? this morning i started trying to cull and i`ve realised that my wardrobe is already at a bare minimum. well 6 weeks worth of clothing, most of it of the tshirt and denim variety.

other than that there are the books, whither i go, they goest also. i`m thinking two bags should cover it, the bag that i use for laundry and borrow another knapsack to put the books and the winter togs.

i think i`m more excited now that i have definitive start date. i should stop now, i`m just blathering now. i need to calm down.

Technorati Tags:

to one and all, particularly to the wicca and pagans celebrating.

thank you all for the good wishes. this job is probably the best all hallows present i could get.

i`m really thrilled about this job. and i`m thrilled about moving to jamaica. it`s not with vic but she`s closer.

there are flights everyday from atlanta. 3 hours non-stop. midweek flights are less than $300 return [which i can now afford].

i`m going to be productive this morning and look for apartments online, and yes, if you`re in jamaica or planning to come to jamaica, you can come stay with me.






all my stressing, all my worrying. i got the job.

thank you for all your prayers and good wishes and support. thank you all.

breakfast of champions

October 30, 2003 — Leave a comment

i`m a big fan of doubles.

and this week in my poverty ridden state, they have been my saviour, for less than TT$10 [the exchange rate is $6.2 to the US$, you do the math] each day i can eat enough to keep me sustained throughout the day.

i have a regular doubles man, always a good thing, you know how hot the pepper is, what the right balance of chutney is and if you`re really hard up you can drop the cash for him another day.

i`ve been eating doubles from this guy for almost a decade. i first had his doubles at my first advertising job, he had his stand right up the road from the office, eventually he moved and i lost track of him for a little while and about two years ago i came across him in st. james. he`s there 6 days a week, he doesn`t work mondays, and most days he`s completely sold out by 11am.

the key to a good doubles for me is a light barra, a subtle combination of pepper, mango/coconut/cucumber chutney and a touch of shadon beni and fairly firm channa.

unlike a lover, i`m not necessarily faithful to one doubles man, i have a couple that i visit and i`ve been know to stray to any available doubles man when hunger strikes.

curepe is the home of late night doubles. too early to be breakfast, too late to be anything else, curepe is a must stop for the post party doubles craving, even if it entails driving completely the opposite direction from where you live.

such is the siren song of a good doubles.

Technorati Tags:
, , ,

strange but true

October 28, 2003 — Leave a comment

Erotic University Los Angeles Area Classes Fall 2003 Class Schedule

and even more strange sex laws, some of these i posted before but most are new:

    In Florida, having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal.

    In Tibet, many years ago, the law required all women prostitute themselves. This was seen as a way to gain sexual experience prior to marriage.

    “Female breasts,” according to the Arizona Supreme Court, don`t constitute “private parts” under state law.

    The Asiatic Huns punished convicted male rapists and adulterers with castration. Female adulterers were merely cut in two.

    The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

    The T`ang Dynasty Empress Wu Hu passed a special law concerning oral sex. She felt that a woman pleasuring a man represented the supremacy of the male over the female. Therefore, she insisted all visiting male dignitaries show their respect by pleasuring her orally when meeting. The empress would throw open her robe and her guest would kneel before her and kiss her genitals.

    In London, it`s illegal to have sex on a parked motorcycle.

    There is, in fact, an Illinois law that prohibits a number of things —one of which is a public erection, another is nude dancing. The prohibition against the public erection has never been challenged in the Supreme Court, but the prohibition against nude dancing has.

    In 100 A.D., the Teutons, an Germanic tribe, would punish anyone caught as a prostitute by suffocating them in excrement.

    The vow of a Roman vestal virgin lasted 30 years. If she engaged in sex before then, she was punished by being buried alive.

    In 17th century Spain, it was illegal for anyone other than a woman`s husband to see her bare feet. A woman could freely expose her breasts, but feet were considered sexual and had to be covered in the presence of men other than her husband.

    The Romans would crush a first-time rapist`s gonads between two stones.

    In China, women are prohibited from walking around a hotel room in the nude. A woman may be naked only while in the bathroom.

    The early Christian church forbade couples from having sex on Wednesdays, Fridays and of course, Sundays.

    In Pompeii, a special law was directed at prostitutes. They had to dye their hair either blue, red or yellow in order to be able to work.

    In Indiana, mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a “tendency to habitually kiss other humans.”

    Six thousand years ago, Egyptians, the first to punish sex crimes with castration, would completely castrate a male convicted of rape. A women found guilty of adultery would find herself without a nose, the thinking being that without a nose, it would be harder to find someone to share in her adulterous ways.

    In Krakow, Poland it`s not only a crime to have sex with animals, but three-time offenders are shot in the head.

    Up until 1884, a woman could be sent to prison for denying a husband sex.

    In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception —prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only “in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.”

    While not as extreme as the ancient Israelite punishment for adultery (stoning), Greek men still had their fair share of discomfort when their pubic hair was removed and a large radish was shoved up their rectum.

    In Alabama, it`s against the law for a man to seduce “a chaste woman by means of temptation, deception, arts, flattery or a promise of marriage.”

    In Nepal, Bangladesh and Macao it is against the law to view movies containing simulated lovemaking or the pubic area of men and women. The law also does not allow kisses to be shown in any film that includes actors from these three countries.

    It`s illegal to have sex with a corpse anywhere in the United States.

    An 18th century French prostitute could be spared punishment if she were willing to join the opera.

    There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time. Why? Under the law in Guam, it is forbidden for virgins to marry.

    In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband`s lover may be killed in any manner desired.

    In Mississippi, S & M is against the law. Specifically, “The depiction or description of flagellation or torture by or upon a person who is nude or in undergarments or in a bizarre or revealing costume for the purpose of sexual gratification.”

    During the Middle Ages, if you were guilty of bestiality you`d be burned at the stake, along with the other party to your crime.

    As recently as 1990, these states had laws against the use of dildos: Idaho, Utah, Arizona, Oklahoma, Minnesota, Louisiana, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, Florida, South Carolina, North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington D.C.

    In Minnesota, it is illegal for any man to have sexual intercourse with a live fish.

    In Detroit, couples are not allowed to make love in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the couple`s own property.

    In Oxford, Ohio, it`s illegal for a woman to strip off her clothing while standing in front of a man`s picture.

    An excerpt from Kentucky state legislation: “No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.”

    The only acceptable sexual position in Washington, D.C. is the missionary position. Any other sexual position is considered illegal.

    In Michigan a woman isn`t allowed to cut her own hair without her husband`s permission.

    It is illegal for any member of the Nevada legislature to conduct official business wearing a penis costume while the legislature is in session.

    In Ventura County, California cats and dogs are not allowed to have sex without a permit.

    Under Lebanese law, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is expressly forbidden.

    A law in Fairbanks, Alaska does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.

    In Kingsville, Texas there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city`s airport property.

    Women can sell items and be topless in Liverpool, England—but only in tropical fish stores.

    In the state of Texas it is a misdemeanor if two men engage in oral and or anal sex. The same law does`nt apply to men and women engaging in the same activity with each other. [NOTE: recently overturned]

    In Romboch, Virginia, it is illegal to engage in sexual activity with the lights on.

    In the state of Utah, sex with an animal—unless performed for profit—is not considered sodomy and therefore is legal.

    Anywhere in the U.S., it`s illegal to use any live endangered species (except for insects) in public or private sexual displays, shows or exhibits depicting cross-species sex.

    In the quiet town of Connorsville, Wisconsin, it`s illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.

    It is illegal for a man and woman to have sex “on the steps of any church after the sun goes down” in Birmingham, England.

    In the state of Washington there is a law against having sex with a virgin under any circumstances (including the wedding night).

    A Tremonton, Utah law states that no woman is allowed to have sex with a man while riding in an ambulance. In addition to normal charges, the woman`s name will be published in the local newspaper.

    It`s against the law in Willowdale, Oregon, for a husband to curse during sex.

    Sodomy laws have been repealed—or are ignored—in most states, but not Georgia, where a man was sentenced to five years in prison for engaging in oral sex. With his wife. With her consent. In their home.

    An Oklahoma state representative once proposed a bill requiring that a man explain the dangers of pregnancy and obtain a woman`s written consent before the two could legally engage in sexual intercourse.

    In Oblong, Illinois, it`s punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.

    No man is allowed to make love to his wife with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath in Alexandria, Minnesota. If his wife so requests, law mandates that he must brush his teeth.

    Warn your hubby that after lovemaking in Ames, Iowa, he isn`t allowed to take more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with you—or holding you in his arms.

    Bozeman, Montana, has a law that bans all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown—if they`re nude.

    An ordinance in Newcastle, Wyoming, specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store`s walk-in meat freezer.

    In hotels in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, every room is required to have twin beds. The beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it`s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

    The owner of every hotel in Hastings, Nebraska, is required to provide each guest with a clean and pressed nightshirt. No couple, even if they are married, may sleep together in the nude, nor may they have sex unless they are wearing one of these clean, white cotton nightshirts.

    A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.

    In Norfolk, Virginia, a woman can`t go out without wearing a corset. (There was a civil-service job—for men only—called a corset inspector.)

    In Merryville, Missouri, women are prohibited from wearing corsets because “the privilege of admiring the curvaceous, unencumbered body of a young woman should not be denied to the normal, red-blooded American male.”

    It`s safe to make love while parked in Coeur d`Alene, Idaho. Police officers aren`t allowed to walk up and knock on the window. Any suspicious officer who thinks that sex is taking place must drive up from behind, honk his horn three times and wait approximately two minutes before getting out of his car to investigate.

    A law in Helena, Montana, mandates that a woman can`t dance on a table in a saloon or bar unless she has on at least three pounds, two ounces of clothing.

    Lovers in Liberty Comer, New Jersey, should avoid satisfying their lustful urges in a parked car. If the horn accidentally sounds while frolicking behind the wheel of a motor vehicle, the couple can face a jail term.

    A Florida sex law: If you`re a single, divorced, or widowed woman, you can`t parachute on Sunday afternoons.

    Women aren`t allowed to wear patent-leather shoes in Cleveland, Ohio—the thinking is that a man might see the reflection of something he shouldn`t.

    Vending-machine condom sales are banned in such states as Hawaii, Kentucky, Massachusetts, Pennsylvania and Wisconsin.

    In Texas, no one other than a “registered pharmacist” may sell condoms or other kinds of contraceptives “on the streets or other public places.” No, not even physicians. Anyone who tries to make a few extra bucks doing this will be severely prosecuted for the dire act of “unlawfully practicing medicine.”

    No one may purchase a package of condoms at a corner drugstore anywhere in Nebraska. Only physicians can sell them while practicing medicine.

    Kentucky and Idaho limit condom sales to medical practitioners and licensed pharmacists, but their license to sell the items may not be hung on a wall where it can be seen by customers.

    Maine licenses condom sellers and the license must always be on public display.

    Nevada, with 35 legal bordellos, has no condom problem. The use of condoms in Nevada brothels is compulsory.

    Both Indiana and Ohio have laws that prohibit male skating instructors from having sexual relations with their female students. This misdeed, called “the seduction of female students,” is prosecuted as a felony. This statute applies onlyto male teachers. It seems female skating instructors may have sex with male students.

    Authorities in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, passed a special piece of legislation governing sexual activities in the toll-collection booths on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The law, which pertains only to female toll collectors, prohibits them from engaging in sex with a truck driver in the confines of a booth.

    The city fathers in Clinton, Oklahoma have banned local men from masturbating while observing a couple making love in the back seat of a parked car in a drive-in theater.

    In North Carolina, it`s illegal for a man to peep through a window at a woman—yet it`s not against the law for a woman to peep into a room occupied by a man. (Nor is it a violation of the law if a man peeps at another man.)

    Until the law was repealed in 1975, California husbands and wives could both get a 15-year penitentiary term for engaging in certain sexual practices. They were specifically prohibited from engaging in any oral activities, even in the privacy of their own bedroom.

    In Skullbone, Tennessee, the law bans a woman from “pleasuring a man” while he is sitting behind the wheel of any moving vehicle. Any man stopped and found with the front of his pants undone can be fined a minimum of $50 and serve 30 days in jail.

    In California, adultery is punishable by a $1,000 fine and/or one year in prison. In Arkansas, offenders are fined a mere $20 to $100.

    Single guys and gals caught in the act of sex in Michigan can be fined as much as $5,000, and they could be sentenced to as many as five years in prison. Single adults in Texas who are apprehended while having sex are charged with a misdemeanor and given a $500 fine.

    Branchville, South Carolina, retains an old piece of legalese covering those who “lewdly and lasciviously associate, bed, and cohabit together, in a public or non-public place.” The amorous couple can be punished with a $500 fine and as much as a six-month prison term.

    Rhode Island prohibits unmarried people from partaking of bedroom activities under any circumstances. However, if caught, the lovers are both fined $10.

    Unmarried adults in Arizona who decide to fool around a little are committing a serious felony. Anyone single, man or woman, caught having sex can be sent to the penitentiary for three full years.

    South Dakota threatens a 10-year prison term for “copulation by means of mouth.” Utah has made this same act a misdemeanor. There, oral sex brings a six-month jail term and a $299 fine. Rhode Island labels it an “`abominable, detestable crime against nature,” and such activity brings a seven-to-10-year stretch in the penitentiary. It is outlawed in New Mexico where participation is punishable by a $5,000 fine and a two-to-10-year sentence. Florida chastises with a 20-year prison sentence those who take part in this act.

    Go to Kansas if you really must do business with a hooker. It`s only one month in jail and a $500 fine for anyone who gets caught. Better yet, visit Nevada, where prostitution is legal.

    A man can be incarcerated for from one-to-10 years in an Arizona or Washington, D.C., prison for causing his wife to be a prostitute. A man can also get 10 years in Arkansas and 20 years in Maine and Michigan for placing “his spouse in a brothel.” In Missouri, it`s a “high misdemeanor” for a fellow to “force” his wife to sell sexual services on the streets.

    Don`t import an Asian woman and make her a prostitute in California. If you`re caught, you could get a year in prison and a $500 fine.

    Buckfield, Maine, has a rather unusual law regarding cab drivers and sex. The legislation declares that no taxi driver “will be allowed” to charge a fare to any passenger who gives him sexual favors” in return for a ride home from a nightclub or other “establishment which serves alcoholic beverages,” or any “place of business” selling liquor.

    Carlsbad, New Mexico, retains a law making it illegal under certain conditions for couples to have sex in a parked vehicle during their lunch break from work. The car or van must have tightly drawn curtains to stop strangers from peeking inside while the activity is taking place.

    It`s against the law in Beanville, Vermont, for a road map to be printed and sold or given away if it contains advertising of a “lewd or lascivious nature.” The ban specifically includes ads for massage parlors and hot tubs, as both are believed to be of a “sensual bent.”

    An old law in Cattle Creek, Colorado bans a man or his wife from making love while bathing in any lake, river or stream. In other words, anyone who wants to fool around while bathing must do so in a tub, or not at all.

    It`s against the law to make love to a virgin, whatever the circumstances, anywhere in the state of Washington. According to the wording of the legislation, it`s a major crime even to marry and then spend the night with a virgin bride in that city.

    In Anniston, Alabama an old ordinance bans women from using promises of certain physical activities to pay off a bet on a match they are playing. Nor may they initiate sex while hanging around a pool hall.

    Women who go out on the streets alone at night in Kansas City, Kansas, can be arrested under an obscure 1901 city ordinance. Any unattended females can be picked up by the police if they are “in the streets or any public place without lawful business and without giving a good accounting of themselves.”

    The city of Cottonwood, Arizona banned people from having sex in a vehicle with “flat wheels.” If the vehicle with flat wheels is parked, and you`re caught making love in the front seat, it`s a $25 fine. But if you`re caught playing around while in the back seat, the fine is doubled.

    There`s an odd law governing beds in all Sioux Falls, South Dakota, hotels. Every room is required to have twin beds. And these twin beds must always be a minimum of two feet apart when a couple rents a room for only one night. And it`s illegal to make love on the floor between the beds.

    Connecticut still retains an old law forbidding any kind of “private sexual behavior between consenting adults.” This odd law makes absolutely no distinction between married and single couples.

    The Louisiana House of Representatives hurriedly approved a unique anti-streaking law. Under it, streakers can be sentenced to five years in the state penitentiary and given a $2,000 fine for streaking “while intending to arouse the desires of minors.” Streaking with only the “intent of arousing sexual desire” brings a violator a $100 fine and one year in prison.

    In Nebraska, buggery, or anal copulation, can bring a whopping 20 years in the penitentiary. And buggery in Pennsylvania can bring transgressors a $5,000 fine and 10 years at hard labor.

    South Carolina`s Code of Laws 16-412 includes “the abominable crime of buggery.” A $500 fine and five years in prison are the punishment. Buggery in Maryland brings a one-to-10-year prison term. Anyone in Kansas caught engaging in this activity draws a maximum sentence of six months in jail.

    Indiana and Wyoming both have laws against anyone`s enticing, alluring, instigating, or helping a person under 21 to masturbate. This activity is known in legal circles as an act of “self pollution.”

    Michigan law prescribes five years in prison for a man who engages “in acts of gross indecency, either in public or private.” This includes mutual masturbation by two men or the simple act of solitary masturbation.

    New Jersey law threatens men with a three-year sentence for “mutual masturbation.” The law covers anyone “who, in private, is a party to an act of lewdness or sexual indecency with another.”

    No one may have sex while riding in the sidecar of a motorcycle in Norfolk, Virginia, where an old ordinance outlaws anyone from doing so while cruising down a city street.

    Procuring or employing an Alabama girl from 10 to 18 years old for prostitution brings a relatively mild $300 to $500 fine and six months in jail.

    Prostitutes in South Dakota are still prohibited from plying their trade out of a covered wagon.

    It`s “an excusable act of passion” in Colombia, South America, for a man to murder his wayward wife when he finds the woman in bed with her lover. If the husband “personally witnesses the corrupt sexual activity,” he`s allowed to shoot his unfaithful spouse. Such adultery-related homicides aren`t even prosecuted.

    Censorship laws in Brazil are strict. Explicit guidelines govern pornography. No newspaper, magazine, or book is allowed to discuss any aspect of homosexuality. Pictures of nude couples can`t be included in any publication. No photographs even “suggesting” sexual activity are allowed. Banned, too, are photos of women attired in bikinis or short-shorts. And no more than one bare female breast may legally be shown on any given page of a newspaper, magazine, book, or other publication.

    The use of chili sauce and similar hot spices on jail and prison food is outlawed in Peru. An edict was handed down by the Interior Minister because these items were claimed to “have aphrodisiac qualities” and would “arouse sexual desires.”

    Don`t try to fool around while skinny-dipping anywhere near Georgetown, Guyana. Getting caught while bathing in the nude is punishable with a coat of fresh paint. The bathers are then taken to the outskirts of Georgetown and left to fend for themselves. The law is even tougher in its effort to discourage people from having sex while skinny-dipping. The lovers are first given a coat of paint, then both parties “will be attached to an ass and taken on a tour of the village.” Finally, they`ll be dropped at the edge of town and told in no uncertain terms to not bother coming back.

    Sodomy has long been a serious offense in Peru. A person who has engaged in it is first dragged through the streets on a rope. Hanging comes next. Finally, the corpse is burned while fully clothed.

    Cautin Province in Chile has an edict banning the hanging on the walls of Playboy centerfolds and other sexy pinups in any home or public building. The reason according to this decree? “It`s more worthwhile to admire a good landscape than a photograph of a naked woman.”

    In Paramaribo, Suriname, a man who rapes a single woman won`t be punished—if the rape victim agrees to marry her attacker.

    Featherbeds were long ago outlawed in Buenos Aires, Argentina because “such an indulgence induces and encourages lascivious feelings.”

    The alpaca (a variety of llama) appears to be the most popular four-legged bedmate for many single Peruvian guys. So prevalent, apparently, is this sexual deviance that an old law still outlaws the activity. Unmarried young men are prohibited from even having a female alpaca live in their homes or apartments.

    The law in Guatemala pulls no punches in dealing with single women who have been accused of illicit lovemaking. Supposed female “fornicators,” when seen in the streets, are to be stopped, spat upon, and beaten by the citizens of the community. Single men aren`t punished at all when they`ve been caught in the act.

    It`s against the law in Belize for any man to have sex with or marry his own aunt. Masked vigilantes are allowed to take the law into their own hands and severely punish the lawbreaker, who is tied to a tree and then flogged.

    Passionate kissing in public places has been outlawed in Sorocaba, Brazil. The specific kind of kiss that was banned was “the cinematographic kiss, in which salivas mix to swell the sensuality.”

    Panama doesn`t mess around when it comes to homosexuals and homosexuality. The law declares, “If any one of these males who commit this vile practice against nature with other males, he shall be degraded, and shall remain in perpetual exile.” The penalty meted out for homosexual behavior is castration. The law also covers people who aren`t homosexual themselves but associate with homosexuals. “Guilt by association” brings a penalty of a shaven head, one hundred lashes, and banishment.

    The law in Honduras doesn`t prohibit homosexuality, yet neither does it condone the practice. Sodomy, however, is strictly banned regardless of whether it`s homosexual or heterosexual.

    A man in Matagalpa, Nicaragua, is required by law to divorce his wife as soon as he discovers that she`s committed adultery. He`s in serious trouble should he fail to do so; the hapless husband may then be prosecuted for his unwillingness to take the proper and necessary course of action. A wife, on the other hand, is not permitted to divorce her husband when he`s caught in bed with another woman. Such things are simply to be expected when it comes to men, says the law.

    Peru still keeps on the books an old piece of legislation that dates all the way back to 1583. Passed by the Third Provisional Council of Lima, it states, “If there is anyone among you who commits sodomy, sinning with another man, or with a boy, or with a beast…Let it be known that it carries the death penalty.”

    In Uruguay, a husband who catches his spouse in bed with another man is given an option under the current law. He has the right to kill both the wayward wife and her lover—or he can choose to slice off his wife`s nose and castrate her lover.

    It`s a violation of the law in Valparaiso, Chile, for any man to marry a certain kind of woman—he must never take for his bride a woman who has committed adultery. Such a woman is to be condemned forever.

    A married woman in La Paz, Bolivia, is not allowed to drink more than a tiny bit of wine. One who does is considered by law to be morally and sexually lax, and her husband may divorce her for one sip too many.

    A married woman in Venezuela may be accused of committing adultery, but a simple unsubstantiated accusation isn`t enough to merit her punishment. All the woman has to do is “swear” her innocence and she`s cleared of all charges.

    Masturbation is outlawed in French Guiana because of the “danger it presents to the masturbator.” The law notes that such a physical act “is recognized as a common cause of insanity.” Ridiculous? Well, it wasn`t but a few years ago that young people in the United States were taught that masturbation would make them go blind!

    El Salvador certainly isn`t the best place for a married woman to have a fling. Any “married woman who lies with the male who is not her husband” can get a six-year prison term and a $30 fine. The amount of the fine is awarded to the woman`s husband as his indemnity!

    A husband in Honduras is guilty of adultery only when he has a mistress and when he “keeps her in a notorious manner.”

    A person can be arrested in San Jose, Costa Rica, for “keeping a common bawdy house.” Or he or she may be charged with “keeping a place…for the practice of indecency.”

    A woman can legally be a prostitute in Santa Cruz, Bolivia. But it`s against the law for a prostitute to solicit customers on the streets or in other public places.

    Having sex with a relative is a serious infraction in Santa Ana, El Salvador. Anyone who violates this law is punished either by exile or by hanging.

    In Limon, Costa Rica, both parties in an adulterous relationship are in for real trouble: Each person is subject to being beaten and drowned in punishment for their deed.

    The law among the Tupies of Brazil stipulates that once a woman is married, she`s required to be faithful. The same standard doesn`t apply to the husband. He`s allowed to have as many mistresses as he can afford to keep.

    Adultery isn`t always a crime in Caracas, Venezuela. It depends on how long a couple has been married. Anyone, male or female, can play around and not be prosecuted, so long as they`ve been married for fewer than 12 months. After one full year of marital bliss, the same sexual activities become serious criminal offenses.

    Young women in Bogoti, Colombia, are not permitted to be out alone on the streets after the sun goes down. Why? Because other people might think that they are prostitutes. The law allows the police to arrest such suspects.

    A widow in Paramaribo, Suriname, who plans to remarry is required by law to first make love with a man. The statute even specifies who should be her bed partner: a member of her deceased husband`s immediate family.

    The law in Montevideo, Uruguay, bans a man from making love to his wife during her menstrual period. Nor is he allowed even to touch her between the waist and the knees. Anyone who violates this law is fined and publicly administered 200 lashes.

    Personal revenge is allowed by law in Paraguari, Paraguay, when a man catches his wife in bed with someone else. He`s permitted to kill his wife`s lover, and his adulterous spouse, on the spot. But the wronged husband must take immediate action to be considered guiltless under this law—he isn`t allowed to wait and do it later. On the other hand, a wife who catches her mate in bed with a lover is not entitled to any of these privileges.

    The law in Durango, Mexico, governs when a couple may have sex after the woman`s period begins. Five days must be allowed from the start of the menstrual flow. Seven more days must pass for “purification.” A husband must not touch his wife in any manner with his hands. Then, after these 12 days have passed, the woman must bathe. Only then can the couple make love. Anyone caught violating this old law could receive the death penalty.

    A bride in Ecuador had better be prepared for her wedding night. According to the law, the girl can be returned to her parents if her new husband determines that she is not a virgin.

    When a bride is deflowered in Cali, Colombia, the law says, it must be done by the husband while making love. And this initial lovemaking must take place while the bride`s mother sits close by and witnesses the activity.

    Promiscuity isn`t illegal in Valencia, Venezuela, so long as it`s kept within certain specified boundaries. The single man or woman, says the law, shouldn`t ever have sex with anyone who`s deformed or who is known to be an “idiot.”

    Single women in Costa Rica are banned from all forms of sex. Activities specifically prohibited by the law include prostitution, fornication, and “any kind of lewd activities or behavior” with a man.

    A law found in Santa Cruz, Bolivia, won`t allow a man of any age to engage in sex with certain relatives and other people. Specific taboo relatives include the man`s mother and his mother`s sister. Nor may he have a sexual relationship with an unrelated woman and her daughter at the same time.

    The Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was apparently a man much obsessed with unique sexual legislation. According to one of the great Ayatollah`s decrees, lovemaking during times of fasting was illegal in Iran. His edict read, “Coitus invalidates the fast, even if the penis has penetrated the vagina only as far as the circumcision scar, and even if ejaculation does not occur. If the penis does not penetrate up to the circumcision scar, and no ejaculation takes place, the fast is valid.”

    Lawmakers in Jordan have legislated what they consider to be the most desirable amount of sexual activity between married couples. A husband, they order, is to make love “with the wife at least once every four months.”

    In Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, the police can arrest a person for “committing an action that would be harmful to the general public.” This might be the official charge for something as harmless as kissing a woman on her cheek in a public place. The penalty is 10 days in jail for both the kisser and the kissee. Also, adultery in Abu Dhabi is punishable by death.

    According to Lebanese law, a woman must be executed for fornicating with any animal—

    wild or domesticated.

    Saudi Arabia treats adulterers with firmness. Both of the guilty parties are quickly picked up by the authorities. They are securely tied in a cloth sack and stoned to death. Or the penalty for adultery might be somewhat more humane, according to the way the Saudis look at things. The guilty woman may be shot in front of her illicit lover, who is then publicly beheaded.

    Conviction of adultery in an Islamic court depends entirely on the testimony of four male witnesses or eight female witnesses. Or an accused woman can condemn herself. All she must do is stand and admit three times that she actually committed the criminal act.

    “Sperm is always impure,” decreed the Ayatollah Khomeini, “whether it comes from coitus or from involuntary emissions while asleep.” Therefore, Iranians are forced by law to go through ablution—or the ritualistic washing away of impurities as in a religious rite—after being involved in certain kinds of sexual activities. (Ablution isn`t necessary, however, if the sperm stays inside the woman`s vagina after lovemaking is completed.)

    According to Iranian law, a man is required to perform his ablutions if he ejaculates while having sexual relations with an animal.

    Citizens of most Middle Eastern countries are forbidden to eat lamb under certain circumstances covered by Islamic law. The law reads, “After having sexual relations with a lamb, it is a mortal sin to eat its flesh.” In Oman, if a man has sex with a camel, a cow, or a ewe, the law says that the animal`s milk becomes impure and is no longer suitable for human consumption. Oman law requires that the animal must immediately be killed and then burned. The person who sodomized the beast is required to pay its owner the dead animal`s full market value.

    And to end this treatise on animals and sex, the law in Iran actually suggests that sex play by their male population “with wild animals is not recommended, especially with a lioness.” What is recommended instead is coitus with domesticated animals such as dogs, cats, donkeys, lambs and, yes, of all things—pigeons.

    Sodomy is also commonplace in parts of the Middle East. Again, special legislation can be found in Iran to cover this form of sexual activity. The law declares that if a man`s penis fully penetrates another man`s anus, ablution is also a necessity, but this time for both parties to the sex act.

    Kuwait covers all the bases when it comes to sexual feelings. It`s illegal there for a married man to glance at another woman “in a sensual manner.” Nor can any male, married or single, lustfully look at a statue of a female or at a female animal.

    In Syria, a man is forbidden to “look at the body of a woman who is not his wife under any circumstances. It is also forbidden for a woman to look at the body of a man who is not her husband. It is forbidden to look at the genitals of others, even in the mirror or in a pool`s reflection.”

    According to Iranian law, Islamic religious laws “must be obeyed and carried out by all—without exception and without argument. There is no other right, no other duty but obedience.” This Middle Eastern country`s Retribution Bill details the punishments for sex-related crimes such as fornication, homosexual activity, prostitution, and being a pimp. Each of these is punishable by death. Public morality is strictly enforced. Any man or woman even accused of adultery is shot.

    Prostitution is a serious criminal offense in Yemen. Transgressors are simply rounded up and publicly beheaded.

    No type of contraceptive may be brought into Saudi Arabia under any circumstances. The passage of legislation banning contraceptives quickly followed a World Moslem League ruling that “birth control was invented by the enemies of Islam.” Anyone caught smuggling condoms, other contraceptive devices, or birth-control pills into the country is punished with a term of six months in prison.

    Even physicians are thoroughly covered by Middle Eastern law when it comes to checking a woman`s pubic area. Lawmakers in Bahrain have decreed that a male doctor can legally examine a woman`s genitals. But any examination must be done indirectly. Says the law, “If a doctor must touch a woman`s genitalia for medical reasons, he must not look directly at her genitals. He may do this only by seeing their reflection in a mirror.”

    Egypt has an unusual piece of legislation that prohibits a woman from belly dancing unless her navel is covered with gauze. Technically, according to this law, a female in Egypt may dance in public while wearing absolutely nothing more than a piece of gauze on her belly button.

    Colonel Muammar el Qaddafi`s Libya has a scale of prices to be paid for prospective wives by eligible single men. They must be willing to pay the equivalent of as much as $35,000, a handful of gold coins, one healthy camel, and a number of sheep. All of these things go to the bride-to-be`s father. Many Libyan males who can`t afford these prices travel to Egypt and Tunisia, where a wife can be had for around $200.

    The law in Doha, Qatar, requires that if a naked Muslim woman is surprised by a man while bathing or dressing, she must first cover her face, not her body.

    In King Ibn Saud`s Saudi Arabia, rapists are held in jail until Friday of each week (Friday in Saudi Arabia is the Sabbath). They are then taken from the jail and dragged to the town square. Each rapist is unceremoniously beheaded right after the midday prayers are concluded.

    No unmarried woman in Qatar is allowed to give birth. Such a woman is banned from using any hospital in the region. Nor can she receive any kind of medical assistance. A pregnant female who happens to be single must either flee the country or do the best she can by going it alone.

    A rigorous code of Muslim sexual behavior was passed down by Iran`s Ayatollah Khomeini. His followers in Iran and throughout the Middle East uphold these as holy laws to be applied sternly. They are to be obeyed and are not subject to change. Here are a number of Khomeini`s most unusual sex-related laws.

    What does a person who isn`t able to hide his or her genitals with “anything in particular when undressed” do? The hand is a suitable covering, according to the law.

    Eating the meat of donkeys, horses, or mules is against the law if the animal when alive was sodomized by a Muslim man. If this transpired, the animal must immediately “be taken outside the city and sold.”

    The law in Doha, Qatar, requires that if a naked Muslim woman is surprised by a man while bathing or dressing, she must first cover her face, not her body.

    A man who perspires when he ejaculates doesn`t have to worry according to Muslim law. His sweat isn`t impure, but he`s not allowed to pray so long as his clothing or body are still sweaty.

    What must a Muslim man do who makes love to his wife when he should be abstaining? The fellow is required to avoid praying so long as he feels or looks as if he is still sweating from the illicit activity.

    The law clearly states that a Muslim man can`t marry a woman who was breast-fed as a baby by his grandmother or his mother.

    Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. The person undertaking the cleansing ritual commits a serious violation of the law if he or she sneaks a peek. The sex organs of a dead person must always be covered with a brick or a piece of wood during the ritual.

    A Muslim man who makes love to his aunt isn`t allowed to marry her daughters, his first cousins. But a man who marries his first cousin and then commits adultery with her mother can`t get an annulment.

    A Muslim man who gets married and then makes love to his wife is somewhat restrained insofar as his future sex life. He is strictly prohibited from making love to his wife`s daughter or granddaughter, even if they are hers by a previous marriage.

    Muslim males are also banned from marrying their own mother, sister, stepmother, or mother-in-law. Nor may they make love to their wife`s paternal or maternal grandmothers or her great-grandmothers.

    When a Muslim woman begins to menstruate while having sex, the man must immediately withdraw. If he can`t and ejaculates instead, the fellow must, per the law, donate money to the poor. If he canÂ’t afford this, then something, however little, must be given to a beggar on the streets. Should this not be possible, the man then must, as a last resort, beg for God`s forgiveness.

    Marriage contracts commonly guarantee a wife`s virginity in the Middle East. If the woman turns out not to be a virgin as promised, the husband may have their marriage annulled.

    A Muslim husband is in serious trouble if he`s incapable of making love to his wife. Under these circumstances, she`s allowed by law to have the marriage annulled, and the husband is required to pay her damages (one-half of the dowry as spelled out in the marriage contract).

    A married Muslim woman who is caught committing adultery must be sternly repudiated by her husband. After the husband finally divorces the unfaithful woman, however, he must pay her the full amount of her dowry.

    No Muslim wife may refuse or even ignore her husband`s sexual advances. Any woman who does is to be judged guilty and can`t get food, clothing, and a place to live from him. Nor can such a woman ask her husband to have sex with her in the future. However, should they divorce, he must pay her damages that constitute part or all of her dowry.

    In recent decades, China has indoctrinated its citizens to ignore their sexual interests. Transgressors are severely chastised. Is prostitution punished? Yes! And with heavy penalties. Nevertheless, officially speaking, there are no laws against prostitution anywhere in Red China. Why? Because, according to a member of the Communist Chinese Foreign Ministry in Beijing, “There is no prostitution in China. However, we do have some women who make love for money.”

    Bestiality laws in Bangkok, Thailand? There are none. Any man who “forcibly subdues and has sexual intercourse” with a female dog is merely charged with Cruelty to animals.” The culprit is fined a small amount of money. If the female dog happens to be in heat, the fine is slightly higher.

i swear to god

October 28, 2003 — Leave a comment

that aohell and microsloth are conspiring with the spammers.

i got an aohell account three years ago when i started travelling. i needed something that i could use to dialup anywhere, it`s a full account, so i added my mother and my daughters to the account.

i do web support for my clients, i had a tech column for a while, so i know the rules about spam and how it works. my mother and daughter`s email addresses are only know to me, it`s not online, i don`t cc people and the names aren`t easily reproducable.

then why for the fucking love of god are there 30 or 40 messages in each account. i don`t get it. i have a yahoo account that i use for signing up for crap online and that filters out most of the shit.

the other account i use to sign up for stuff online gets less spam. so i have to believe aohell is in cohorts with the spammers. let`s not even talk about msn, i signed up for an account, i didn`t accept any of the news letters, nothing. within two days, there`s spam showing up in the account. i have other hotmail accounts that predate the microsloth acquisition, once in a blue moon, the odd email shows up.

but the new accounts, a constant deluge of fucking junk.

i don`t need my penis any bigger, i don`t need breasts, bigger or otherwise. i`m not losing my hair and i don`t have uncontrolled credit card debt.

i just needed to get that off my chest. there are a lot of things that are irritating me right now, this is just the most accessible. i can focus on it and i can find a logical solution to it. everything else is so out of my hands and so out of control, there`s just no point fighting anymore.

Technorati Tags:

changes in the weather

October 27, 2003 — Leave a comment

living 11 degrees from the equator precludes a need for a time changes, but even here in trinidad you can tell christmas is coming.

we generally have 12 hours of sunshine year round. in late october/november  it gets dark earlier, by 7ish the sky is that lovely violet hue and the oranges and browns of vestigial sunset are gone. the stars start coming out and you can make out the outlines for aircraft in the night sky.

the other thing that changes or as it seems lately to change is the temperature, the nights have gotten cooler and it takes longer for the days to heat up. although, i`m not putting money on that. the days here are in the mid 30s [celsius, not fahrenheit] and the night used to be in the low 20s but they seem to be crawling up to the mid 20s.

i`ve come to realise that i`m not built for heat. cold doesn`t affect me, i like the feel of autumn. one of the reasons i love london. all i need is a good sweater most of the time. i don`t love snow, don`t mind it, just don`t love it.

last year i was in london for the time change and i`m not sure if it was psychological but from that sunday, it seemed like it was dark by 5pm almost immediately.

i remember in jamaica as a child, i would look at the weather on tv and see places where the overnight temperature was in the teens. there are places in the blue mountains in jamaica where they grow strawberries and apples, well they used to, not sure what these weird weather patterns are doing now.

Technorati Tags:
, ,


October 26, 2003 — Leave a comment

well i`m back in trinidad, i have been since, friday night actually. got my ass whopped by PT, but you didn`t come here for that, did you…

i don`t quite have the job yet, but it`s about as close as i`m going to get to it. i get a written offer on tuesday. unless it`s completely ridiculous, which i sincerely doubt, i`m taking it.

there are a couple of things i like about this office, foremost among them is the similarity to the very first agency i worked at. it has the same kind of vibe. i`m sure it`s not going to be perfect, but i would love to give it a chance.

the whole trip was very, very, very pleasant, short, but pleasant. the people are great, the environment is great. am i gushing too much about this job?

in other news, i am still destitute. why is it, my work is so greatly appreciated and i could never fucking get my money. i`m trying not get upset about the fact that a have all this money outstanding. but the end of the month is coming up, i have no money, i have bills to pay, i`m just so fucking pissed.

positive thoughts, positive thoughts. i`m off to catch up on my online reading.

have a good one. ciao.


October 23, 2003 — Leave a comment

i`m here in jamaica at what could be my potential employer.

what can i say? i`m impressed. i feel good. i want this job.

and it appears that they want me too.

it feels good to be appreciated and it seems like a really nice place to work.

i`m off to have dinner with the boss/owner. but first a trip to the hotel to freshen up. good thing i came prepared for such an eventuality.

i`ll be back later if i can log on from the hotel with details of my amazing evening.