19 years ago, on a beach in Barbados, I embarked on a journey that has seen me grow and develop as a person.Continue Reading...
Archives For love, lust, longing
13 years ago today on a sunny beach I promised to love and cherish Victoria through good and bad, sickness and health.Continue Reading...
once again another valentine’s day rolls around and marriage equality is still a big issue in a lot of places. put aside your flowers, candy, romantic gestures, and dinners, the feast of st. valentine’s is about sacrifice.Continue Reading...
on wednesday i celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary. this is the longest single relationship in my entire life and the time has flown by.Continue Reading...
today is my ninth wedding anniversary and there’s something that i wrote when i was just getting ready to move in with vic that has remained true almost seven years laterContinue Reading...
i met vic nine years ago in the personals section of nerve.com. but that sentence doesn`t begin to do us any justice.Continue Reading...
i think too many people get into relationships expecting the happily ever after. they work on the courting and wooing but don’t continue after the relationship is established.Continue Reading...
it’s been rather remiss of me to let the 40th anniversary of loving vs virginia go by without a comment.
on june 12, 1967, the us supreme court declared virginia’s anti-miscegenation statute, the racial integrity act of 1924, unconstitutional, thereby ending all race-based legal restrictions on marriage in the united states. interestingly various statutes remained unenforced in some states until as recently as 2000, with alabama being the last to rescind theirs. i’m including below the statement released by mildred loving on the 40th anniversary of the announcement
Loving for All
By Mildred Loving*
Prepared for Delivery on June 12, 2007,
The 40th Anniversary of the Loving vs. Virginia Announcement
When my late husband, Richard, and I got married in Washington, DC in 1958, it wasn’t
to make a political statement or start a fight. We were in love, and we wanted to be
We didn’t get married in Washington because we wanted to marry there. We did it there
because the government wouldn’t allow us to marry back home in Virginia where we
grew up, where we met, where we fell in love, and where we wanted to be together and
build our family. You see, I am a woman of color and Richard was white, and at that
time people believed it was okay to keep us from marrying because of their ideas of who
should marry whom.
When Richard and I came back to our home in Virginia, happily married, we had no
intention of battling over the law. We made a commitment to each other in our love and
lives, and now had the legal commitment, called marriage, to match. Isn’t that what
Not long after our wedding, we were awakened in the middle of the night in our own
bedroom by deputy sheriffs and actually arrested for the “crime” of marrying the wrong
kind of person. Our marriage certificate was hanging on the wall above the bed.
The state prosecuted Richard and me, and after we were found guilty, the judge declared:
“”Almighty God created the races white, black, yellow, malay and red, and he placed
them on separate continents. And but for the interference with his arrangement there
would be no cause for such marriages. The fact that he separated the races shows that he
did not intend for the races to mix.” He sentenced us to a year in prison, but offered to
suspend the sentence if we left our home in Virginia for 25 years exile.
We left, and got a lawyer. Richard and I had to fight, but still were not fighting for a
cause. We were fighting for our love.
Though it turned out we had to fight, happily Richard and I didn’t have to fight alone.
Thanks to groups like the ACLU and the NAACP Legal Defense & Education Fund, and
so many good people around the country willing to speak up, we took our case for the
freedom to marry all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court. And on June 12, 1967, the
Supreme Court ruled unanimously that, “The freedom to marry has long been recognized
as one of the vital personal rights essential to the orderly pursuit of happiness by free
men,” a “basic civil right.”
My generation was bitterly divided over something that should have been so clear and
right. The majority believed that what the judge said, that it was God’s plan to keep
people apart, and that government should discriminate against people in love. But I have
lived long enough now to see big changes. The older generation’s fears and prejudices
have given way, and today’s young people realize that if someone loves someone they
have a right to marry.
Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that
I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to
have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the
“wrong kind of person” for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no
matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to
marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over
others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights.
I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court
case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so
many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the
freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.
i am a better person because of my wife. hence this week is incredible difficult for me. there are only two more days before she`s back from the trip, but i`m having trouble sleeping and i`m irritable.
i haven`t heard a peep about any of the jobs i`ve applied to and i think i can across an ad for my job and my boss is interviewing people. in normal circumstances, that would mean; cool, some help. but she`s cut back one person`s hours, i know i`m going to get fired. i`d really just like the opportunity to do leave before it happens.
i`ve been playing nice but it`s wearing thin, especially with vic not here. she`s an incredibly nice and kind person, i just try for her sake and without her here for temperance, i don`t know if i can keep up the facade. i have to because there is no money tree and the little that i do make keeps us fed and sheltered.
three years ago today, vic and i got married in Barbados and finally this is our first anniversary together.
there are no special plans; today at least; i`m at work and vic is working tonight, but we`ve got reservations for dinner on Friday. i think we`re still sort of in awe of being able to celebrate another milestone.
so many things have changed in the last three years but the fundamentals remain the same. i have so much i want to say about this anniversary but i can`t form the words. the simplest summation is; i`m deliriously happy. i am happier than i have ever been as an adult and i feel truly blessed.
this isn`t a fairy tale, it`s isn`t happily ever after, we have our disagreements, we have our moods, but we have our ups and downs but they are ours together; and after all we`ve been through that`s all right too.