Archives For July 2003

i came across this  – anna nicole smith show nominated for an emmy [ i know, i know, i`m late, but i`ve been occupied with much more important things]. i managed not run screaming from the building pulling my hair out and read the rest of the story.

and in other news…

congratulations to purpleturtle [she`s in my faves] for being my 6000th visitor. i have a smirnoff ice for you.

heading home now. i`ll post later.

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[my friend franka emailed this to me recently seeking opinions and being the media whore that i am, i`m passing it along in as many forum as i can muster]

I have an issue for you to ponder and respond to.

The question essentially is “what do women want?”

Last night, I was speaking to a friend who is a recently divorced, highly educated businesswoman who is seeing a man who we could say is an ordinary  dude. He`s not her intellectual equal, gives far less than what is expected emotionally and he‚`s a player but he`s great in bed and extremely romantic.

She shared with me that several other women in her position felt that they preferred that kind of man and not an intellectual equal because “the intellectual men aren`t good at the romantic stuff.”

I have to admit I was surprised, but I wondered if this was how lots of  women feel and what do men think about this?

Please feel free to send your thoughts.

[i think that`s a generalisations, but that`s just me.]

My Viking Name is…

Kaðall Goatcatcher

Your Viking Personality: You`re a fearsome Viking, but you aren`t completely uncivilized.  The other Vikings make fun of you for that.  You have a thirst for battle, and tend to strike first and think later. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you`re no “berserker”.  


A long sea voyage aboard a Viking longboat would be difficult for you, but you might be able to manage it. Other Vikings consider you “one of the guys”.  


You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other Vikings would be calling you “tree-hugging hippie peacenik” if the phrase had been invented.

[got this from littlewashu, who in turn got it from someone else, you know how it goes]


U are V O D K A ! ! You are a very intense person,

who doesnt give a shite what ppl think of them.

You like to party hard and make the most of

life! You can be really intimidating, but

underneath u just wanna have fun!

What alcohol are you? With Pics !

brought to you by Quizilla

[got this from someone, i forgot who, results are kind of odd, cause i don`t drink vodka anymore – long story about black russians and puking and falling asleep on a bar]

and one more before i try to do some work for the day, can remember where i got this one either

find your element


i went to bed fairly early last night [well by usual standards – being in bed before 9pm is early]. tried to read for a while and then passed out. k passed to take me out liming, i`d forgotten i`d called, i had to beg off, i was that tired. that said, almost 11 hours sleep and i`m still tired. i could crawl back into my bed and sleep all day. sadly i can`t, two days out of the office and there are small conflagrations for me to deal with. at least tomorrow is a holiday. i have an entire day to myself.

i should get going, the quicker i get there, the quicker i can leave. i`ll be back later with some entertainments.

running on empty

July 30, 2003 — Leave a comment

i`m tired and i`m hungry. it`s been a long day, we only photographed one quarry today but i think it`s enough. i was supposed to do the other tomorrow but i`m too tired and my boss` cheapness is again going to cost us more money. while i was off doing location shooting my boss sent off the copywriter to do aerial photography with the digital camera. i was against the idea from the very beginning, my anger about this is compounded by the fact that not only are the pictures crappy, they`re low res crap. now i`m either going to have to reshoot myself [something i`m completely not looking forward to] or spending another day out with the photographer doing the aerials [after i lied of embarassment, not wanting him to know what my boss was doing]

vic coincindentally is off on a shoot of her own this evening. i`m hoping i can stay up til she gets home. i miss her so much, i`m kind of grateful i`ve had so much to do. it`s helping not to dwell on the loneliness.

my mother`s behaviour is not helping either, ever since i got back home on monday my mother has been behaving arsey, she`s muttering and answering me curtly. i love her, but there are times when i find it very hard to like her. today is her birthday, yesterday i get a question like `are you doing anything for my birthday?`

umm… love, i sent you to see carnival messiah on monday, tickets are expensive. this makes me seem mean and cheap, but i`m not, not really. it`s just the tone and the attitude. she know she`s going to hit me up for money and i`m going to give it to her. she knows i had a shoot all day today. she knows all of this but still…

there are times when i think it would be cheaper to rent a furnished apartment. i`ve had to point out to my mother on more than one occasion, just because i`m an artist with access to a printer that doesn`t mean i can print some up whenever the need arises.

my food has arrived, i`m going to eat. maybe just maybe, i can find a happy place this evening

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or at least i sincerely hope so. well in terms of the weather, mostly. i was on location most of yesterday on a photo shoot and even though it was hazy and overcast most of the day, we got everything done. i have more location shooting this morning and i’m hoping the weather holds. funnily, even though the photo shoot is in east trinidad and i’m in west trinidad i have to make the call on the weather, most i can see out the windows in my house looking east are clouds. this is going be such fun. ooh according, there is only a 10% chance of precipitation.

let’s get this movable feast underway. i can only hope everything goes as planned and we can wrap this up this morning.

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the next holiday that’s long enough for vic to come visit is thanksgiving. thanksgiving is 5 months away. it’s going to be a travel nightmare, i would much rather be beginning our own thanksgiving ritual, but if that’s not happening, i’m going to be working my ass off to get vic and julian her and back safely for the 5 days.

i’m going to take the inspiration, the happiness, the racing of my heart every time i think of you and focus it on getting us together. this is a powerful force. i believe in our love. this week is difficult to say the least, but i’m holding on to last week, the memories, the incredible joy and contentment of being in your presence. you will get me through this, as you’ve gotten me through the last 10 months.


there are no mountains high enough, no billboards big enough, not enough hours in the day, to proclaim how much i love you. thank you for sharing my life.

restless night

July 29, 2003 — Leave a comment

a number of songs keep running through my head, foremost among them is bed’s too big without you i fell asleep eventually last night, although i kept rolling over and vic wasn’t there.

i need to stop crying, i know i need to, but i can’t. i cried myself to sleep and woke up in tears. i have no idea how i’m getting through this day.

and the answer is right here:

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I’ve never seen the sky before

I want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I’m loving you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace

Suddenly my life doesn’t seem such a waste

It all revolves around you

And there’s no mountain too high

No river too wide

Sing out this song and I’ll be there by your side

Storm clouds may gather

And stars may collide

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

Oh, come what may, come what may

I will love you, I will love you

Suddenly the world seems such a perfect place

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

we will prevail. we will be together. it will not be another 10 months.

i just took off the bandana vic left, and one of her hairs was in it. i’ve been out for a while, i’m trying to read and it’s a book vic left. there was an afternoon when we just curled up on the couch and read. i knew i was in love with victoria the moment i laid eyes on her, it had been building over our daily conversations but there i was tired and rumpled after a 22 hour bus ride and she smiled at me and i was hers. she introduced me to new authors, shared her love of food. and our love has grown, stronger, more expansive by the day. the ease of our interaction, our shared thirst for knowledge, our love of language,  her smile, her lovely laugh.

i miss vic so much. i’m afraid to go to bed. i don’t want to  face my bed alone. i’m waiting to get her email to know that she’s home and safe. tomorrow and the following day, i’m out all day on location shooting. i’m not sure how likely that is considering it’s mostly outdoor and it’s the rainy season, it’s been raining almost everyday. which reminds me about being in the apartment with vic and the rain beating on the roof.

vic i want you here. i want to be where you are. i just want you by my side.

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a hole in my soul

July 28, 2003 — Leave a comment

vic left this morning. and i was missing her from the moment she walked away from me through the gate. i won’t let it be another 10 months before i see her again. the last 10 days have been great [and no, it wasn’t just the sex], it was great to see vic, talk to her face to face, fall asleep next to her, wake up and see her face. i’m afraid to let the tears come because i don’t know if i can stop. i’m trying to hold on the joys of the last couple of days, but already this feel of lonliness is washing over me.

i’m trying to catch up on all the people on my faves list, but i don’t feel like doing much of anything. i miss vic so much already.

Baby, yes
Until the end of time
I’ll be there 4 U
U own my heart and mind
I truly adore U
If God one day stroke me blind
Your beauty I’d still see
Love is 2 weak 2 define
Just what U mean 2 me

From the first moment I saw U
Ooh, I knew U where the 1
That night I had 2 call U
I was rappin’ till the sun came up
Tellin’ U just how fine U look
In a word, U were sex
All of my cool attitude U took
My body was next
U made love 2 me
Like U where afraid
Was U afraid of me?
Was I the first?
Was I your every fantasy?
That’s why

Until the end of time
I’ll be there 4 U
U own my heart and mind
I truly adore U
If God one day stroke me blind
Your beauty I’d still see
Love is 2 weak 2 define
Just what U mean 2 me

When we be makin’ love
I only hear the sounds
Heavenly angels cryin’ up above
Tears of joy pourin’ down on us
They know we need each other
They know U are my fix
I know, that U know that I ain’t cheatin’ baby
They know this is serious
I ain’t funkin’ just 4 kicks, no
This condition I got is crucial, crucial baby
U could say that I’m a terminal case
U could burn up my clothes
Smash up my ride, well maybe not the ride
But I got 2 have your face
All up in the place
I’d like 2 think that I’m a man of exquisite taste
A hundred percent Italian silk imported Egyptian lace
But nothin’ baby, I said nothin’ baby could compare
2 your lovely face
Do U know what I’m sayin’ 2 ya this evening
I’m just tryin’ 2 say
I’m just tryin’ 2 say
That until, until the end of time
I’ll be there 4 U
I’ll be there 4 U
On my heart, on my mind, (truly adore U)
I truly adore U (darlin’)
U don’t know what you’re mean 2 me
Baby, (until the end of time)
Baby, (I’ll be there 4 U)
Baby, (U own my heart and mind)
‘Til the end of time I’ll be there 4 U
(I truly adore U)
Adore U (adore U)

Can I talk 2 U? {{chorus repeated in background}}
Tell U what U mean 2 me
Every time U wander
I’ll be your eyes so U can see
I wanna show U things
That I show no other, I wanna be
More than, more than your mother
More than your brother
I wanna be (like no) like no other
If U need me, I’ll never leave
I know, that U know, without U there is no me
There is no me
Without U there is no sea
There is no shore
Love is 2 weak 2 define how much I adore
U, child
U, child
The last words U hear
The last words U hear

(until the end of time)
I’ll be there for you, baby
(until the end of time)

Be with me darlin’ til the end of time (until the end of time)
I’ll give U my heart
I’ll give U my mind
I’ll give U my body (until the end of time)
I’ll give U my time (until the end of time)
(until the end of time)

4 all time I am with U
U are with me
(until the end of time)
U are with me, U are with me

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