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although i have my green card, i can’t vote.

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trip from the forebrain

September 7, 2004 — Leave a comment

sometime in the next coupe of months we have to shell out another $500 to the USCIS, to begin my green card application process, this doesn`t include a medical which becomes invalid after one year; bearing in mind that the processing time on this application is two years, i`m going to have to spend this money twice. i also have to apply for advance parole which will theoretically allow me to leave the country; but which they also don`t advise because i may not be able to re-enter the country should i leave anyway.

is anyone sensing a pattern here? good.

in the interim, i`ll probably have to renew my current visa and work authorisation, more money, isn`t this fun, my passport also expires next year, which opens the possibility of having to start a whole new set of applications when i get it renewed.

i`m thrilled to be able to be here with vic. there is no amount of money in the world that can be used to put a value on the joy of being able to share my life with vic, but the bureaucracy just frustrates me so. that and the needless expense. vic and i would like to buy a house in the near future, we have debt to clear up, we don`t need to be throwing money at the government, if we don`t have to.

DHS [x2]

August 20, 2004

two entertaining, albeit frightening tales of the department of homeland security.

round one:DHS vs Montserrat refugees

round two: DHS vs Ted Kennedy

and this is supposed to make me feel safe?

today we get the keys for our apartment. ours. for the first time, we will officially be lessors, together. it`s been four weeks since i arrived and it`s been about settling in and even with all the expectations of things going wrong, three people unaccustomed to living together have found a rhythm. next week the rhythm changes again, for the better.

this weekend is the major moving but with keys in hand the boxes that have been packed and are in the process of packing are being transported by the carload.

with me still technically a non-person [no SS#] this is going to take a great deal fiscal juggling and worship at the great sacrificial altar of the household budget. i think we can do it however. we`ve been working at it and i think we can manage until i get full time work.

i have my fingerprint/photo/signature appointment at the local ins office next friday, bringing my existence as a person in the system closer to reality and taking some of the burden off vic. as much as i`m enjoying my times as a house husband, i`m feeling the baser imperative to being a provider.

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Application Type: I130, IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN Current Status: Your I130 IMMIGRANT PETITION FOR RELATIVE, FIANCE(E), OR ORPHAN was received on March 4, 2002. We mailed you a receipt with information about processing. It is taking between 990 and 999 days for us to process this kind of case. We will mail you a decision as soon as processing is complete.

this figure is up from the original 225 days stated on the petition and the 500 – 600 just last month.

but not yet, and not before they’ve jump through a few hoops first.

so the fingerprint thing (story here) has quite a few people in trinidad getting there panties in a bunch, i would be upset too, but i’ve already been fingerprinted like a common fucking criminal twice (you put up with a hell of a lot for love) and with any luck, the should have been processed by the fbi (this was done since mid-feb (the day before st. valentine’s to be exact)

this is all part of the process i’m currently going through.

am i happy about it? oh hell fucking no.
am i putting up it for the great good? fuck yes.

the only thing that gives me comfort is that with this and all other pogroms, the pendulum will swing back. there was the mccarthy era, the pendulum swing back to camelot, then back to nixon, then to carter… you get the generally idea. the major problem in the us is the lack of balance, everything is done to excess, always. the masses accept whatever is handed to them and in this age of all pervasive media, it’s become much easier to dispense the bullshit. i firmly believe that GWB will do whatever it takes to get a second term (well first actually won) in office, the best we/you can hope for is that he doesn’t kill us all before the time is up and the masses will be able see the shit that’s stuck to them.

i should probably exercise some care with what i say, because i’m begging askance at uncle sam’s door stop and in this age of the patriot act, anything i say, can and will be held against me, but you know what – FUCK THAT!

i have a brain, i can see right from wrong. i love vic dearly, but if moving to the us to be with her means giving up higher brain functions and giving into fear of persecution, we definitely need to find somewhere else to live.

thank you and good night

post lunch

May 14, 2003 — Leave a comment

i know i promised to get back with all the details of my bureaucratic hell, but you know what… fuck it, fuck them. i’m not going to let these people upset me.

i spent 20 minutes on the phone spelling and respelling my name, before being told by some functionary that they don’t know it’s me, so even if they weren’t severely understaffed and could be troubled to look for my application, they couldn’t tell me if they had it.

i haven’t done a lick of work all day, just sat around and pretended to be busy. i’m waiting on copy, i could probably write my own but i don’t feel like.

vic and i discussing her moving here (trinidad) at least temporarily, i think a lot of her misgivings about trinidad are my fault, i’m not; as sam pointed out when she called to gloat about going to see the matrix this evening; the poster child for this country, i’m not happy here and it shows.

but it’s all about compromise, i’ve been married almost 18 months and seen my wife less than 10 days, there is something inherently wrong about that. this is not a voluntary seperation, it gets harder and harder with each passing day. it doesn’t help when people ask “why you still here?” or “you don’t miss your wife?” what kind of stupid insensitive shit is that?

i hate having to explain this shit to people over and over. i’m still here, my wife isn’t! what the fuck do you want from me, blood?

i’m going to the canadian embassy tomorrow in the hopes of trading on my father’s migration shortly after my birth. there is something almost comical about trading on the legacy of a man who i barely know, almost 32 years after his departure from my life. this has to be some major karma.

i’m hold on tenuously to the joyful thoughts of how happy vic makes me and the beauty and intelligence of my children. that should be enough shouldn’t it?

so now i’m not longer blinded by rage, i’m just quietly angry, it’s just a dull throbbing in the back of my head, i’ve secluded myself at work… looking for images. i can’t actually work, i am so unfocussed right now it isn’t funny.

i’m tired. i feel beaten. i would cry if i thought i would be able to stop or if there were enough tears in the world. i wont ever consider giving up because i don’t think i’d ever be happy again if i did.
but i don’t know what else to do. i do actually, the anal retentive in me always has a plan B thru F.

the question is how viable are these plans and how much longer do i have to wait.

all i really want is to fall asleep next to vic every night, for us to be safe together, i don’t care where, just as long as we’re together.

is that too much to ask? is that so difficult?

a friend told me that i’ll be able look back on this and laugh at some point, i’d just like to know when.

what also pisses me off is the fucking attitude of these people – we own your lives so we can treat you however we like and because of sept 11 we don’t have to answer to anyone, fuck you very much.



i am so angry right now. and what’s worse there is no focal point. my head is throbbing. i’m supposed to go in to work now, but i don’t know if i can, i need a room with padded walls where i can scream and throw stuff and not injure myself.

why? why is this so hard?

there is only one reason i have not just given up is victoria. i have never been happier or more complete and no amount of fucking bureaucracy and moron employees is going to take that away from me.

i just typed an entire post in ijournal before i logged and when i did it disappeared, under normal circumstances i would be pissed, but fuck it. i just faxed off a quote for a web development job, hopefully it comes through and i have some cash to squirrel away.

i’m working on good karma, i call santo domingo tomorrow, i need all that i can muster. it’s been 6 months 2 weeks since i’ve seen victoria and before that 8 months. this is not even marginally funny. it hurts physically and emotionally.

i will not go another 8 months before i see her again. i will not. this is not a tantrum, this is my mantra. one way or another i will see her, i will be with her by june. we will prevail.