After KellyAnn Conway went on Meet The Press and uttered the phrase “Alternative Facts” with a straight face, I thought it would be interesting to post one alternative fact per day for the duration of the administration.
Continue Reading...Archives For satire
After KellyAnn Conway went on Meet The Press and talked about “Alternative Facts,” I thought it would be interesting to post one alternative fact per day for the duration of the administration
Continue Reading...The duo finally fell after multi-pronged attack by Legislation and Litigation supported the forces of Greed, Ignorance and Stupidity.
Continue Reading...Santa Claus [trading as St Nick on the holiday market] has been acquired by retail giant Wal-Mart
Continue Reading...whether you`re just starting out or you`ve had your dreadlocks for sometime there are a couple of fundamental rules, we hope by committing them to paper they will make things clearer for you.
Continue Reading...after reading the nerve unsexy list, i decided i would come up with my own list of things that will never be sexy to me.
in the order that they come to me:
hipster fucking pants
we all know how i feel about them. un-fucking-sexy. anyway you take it, it`s plumber`s fucking butt, definitely not sexy.
stupid people
part of any attraction for me is intelligence, we have to be able to converse on some level
no sense of humour
sex is something that needs not to take itself seriously, so an inability to laugh, particularly out loud is a major minus
surfeit of smell
everything in moderation. excessive amounts of perfume or insufficient baths. not good. the key to attraction is naturally occurring pheromones, covering them with perfume doesn`t help. and if you don`t bathe, your stench over powers them as well.
VPL
visible panty line. actually not just VPL, any deliberate exposure of your underwear. i`ll see it when you take off your clothes. i don`t need to see the thong over the tops of your pants.
rudeness
particularly to service staff. that`s never, ever sexy. if you can`t work out why on your own, you`re a fucking moron [see stupid people]
*edit
inappropriate attire
wear clothes that are comfortable and appropriate to your age and occassion. too tight, too short, too young, too old, too much of anything is not sexy.
language abuse
how do i say this and sound like a snob. i need to understand what you`re saying at all times. there is a time and place for dialect, but mangling language for the sake of being cool [say it with me now: un-fucking-sexy]
one dimensional character
be more than what you`re wearing, where you work, where you live. read, live, travel, have an opinion, be yourself.
i`m sure there will be additions to this list as they come to me.
*addendum I
spandex
it`s a right, not a privilege
the comb over
it`s either you`ve got the hair or you don`t. combing it over does not hide male pattern baldness.
dragon toes
nail clippers are not expensive. trim those toes nails.
because…
1. CRACK KILLS! no matter how you disguise it, plumbers butt is not fucking sexy.
2. if you`re under 18 [ok, 16] there is no one you need to look sexy for [besides see 1.]
3. your stomach is hanging over the top of your pants
4. you`re someone`s grandparent [act your fucking age]
5. you look like you`ve been ridden hard and left for dead [see 4]
i could go on but i have interview questions to answer. so in summation, hipster pants are a fucking abomination that should be outlawed. remember crack kills. stay away from the crack.
Technorati Tags:
hipster pants, crack kills, muffin top