Archives For sexuality

sexual mores like sexuality itself evolves and it`s fascinating to be able to read about whether the female orgasm is an evolutionary by-product, when as recently as 40 years ago, the female orgasm wasn`t even being acknowledged.

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sex and sensuality

November 14, 2008 — Leave a comment

this was something i wrote 5 years ago, it still holds so true.

sex has become a commodity and seems to be daily losing it`s value.

sex is being used to sell everything, slowly we`re becoming more and more inured. what were once alternative lifestyles have become mainstream. i have no issues with this. i live for the day when my gay/bi/whatever friends can walk the streets without fear of repercussions.

what i resent is them becoming a tool for marketing and advertising companies. i resent being branded or compartmentalised.

let`s take the whole `metrosexual` thing, i`m a man confident in my own sexuality, that takes care of my body, am able to cook a meal of more than one course and i have a sense of style and some hack sat down in a room and thought how can i capture this market. aha, let`s brand them, put them in a nice little niche. i don`t think so.

i am me. i don`t need someone to tell me who i am and what`s sexy. and sadly for that very same reason there is very little that is truly sexy or maybe i`m just too cynical.

i enjoy sensuality, particularly for the reason that it plays on all your senses. the feel of fruit in your hands, the taste of a good meal, the smell of the sea. it`s not  just about breasts and asses and cocks and cunts.

sensuality begins in the mind.

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May is national masturbation month.

launched 10 years ago by Good Vibrations in an effort to “educate and excite people about the healthy practice of self-gratification” it`s one of my favourite times of year.

even in the midst of committed relationships, masturbation has never lost it`s thrill. i make no bones about it, i enjoy sex and i enjoy masturbation, i don`t believe it takes anything away from my partner unless you`re sneaking off to do it. i think it`s a great deal of fun to masturbate for and with your partner. it helps both of you to learn more about what get each other aroused and if you pay attention you can improve your technique.

so go out and have fun this month, on your own or with a friend.

of girls and women

February 23, 2005 — Leave a comment

i live in a town with at least two major college campuses which means there is no shortage of nubile young bodies on display, however i`ve come to realise that i prefer my eye candy, mature.

the most attractive and interesting women i`ve seen have been mothers. they are for the most part comfortable in their own sexuality and their own bodies. there is none of this need to show off their new bodies to every passer-by.

maybe i`m weird but i don`t see the fascination and fixation on young girls. or maybe it`s because i have daughters, i`d like my eye candy to be outside their age group and that of their idols.

there is also something to be said for the curves of womanhood. i like women lush and curvy which is not something you see in the average college student, i think it`s something that comes with motherhood.

one track mind

January 27, 2005 — Leave a comment

i seemed to be stuck on sex these days. it could be my reading material. i mentioned last week that i received a book from a reader. the book is called The Guide to Getting It On! (The Universe`s Coolest and Most Informative Book About Sex) and was sent to me by the author, Paul Joannides. i haven`t gotten very far and i have to say that portion of the title in the parentheses is absolutely correct.

this books is well written and informative and i wouldn`t hesitate giving it to any young; or not so young; adult i know. i can say without shame that my sexual education is pretty through but there are still interesting new facts contained in the book. and unlike a lot of other `manuals` it doesn`t take itself too seriously.

one of the interesting points touched early on was the disparity in the eagerness of the pharmaceutical companies to initially get involved with female contraceptives and the male enhancement market. the book touches on it briefly but provides reference and resource material, which i have already added to my wish list.

i`ve always been puzzled by the disparity in sexual equality and freedoms between men and women. if a man sleeps around he`s a stud, if a woman sleeps around she`s a slut. where is the difference? i read somewhere once that the urge for women to sleep around is actually genetic and more natural. in early human societies women slept with as many men in the tribe as they could to ensure that the got the strongest and fittest babies. that`s been corroborated by recent studies that show a category of sperm that exist only to block other sperm from fertilising an egg. puts a whole new perspective on sexuality doesn`t it.

sex and love

January 19, 2005 — Leave a comment

i had the fortune; or misfortune depending on your perspective; to be able to differentiate sex from love very early on. and based on my experiences i think the two can exist independently of each other but real satisfaction doesn`t happen without either of them.

as a young man, i didn`t look like the sort that would require you to lock your daughters away from, but i was. it was just disguised better, i was articulate and polite; which impressed the parents greatly and i was discreet and willing; which impressed the young ladies greatly. consequently i was slightly more successful than my peers when it came carnal activities.

and abiding by my own sexual rules; do unto others and the three stages of experimentation; by the time i was officially an adult, i`d tried just about everything i`d wanted to at that stage and was looking for some more long term. plus the spectre of AIDS had begun to rear it`s head and i scared myself into monogamy.

i became to some extent a serial monogamist, i would go from long term relationship to long term relationship and there was a pattern there too, i would get involved with friends. for one reason or another most of my close friends are female. thinking about it carefully, most of friends; full stop; are female. i have less than ten male friends. and with one exception, i`m still friends with all the exes in my adult life.

what does all of this have to do with sex and love?

sex on its own can get boring and monotonous, no matter how many people you sleep with or possibly because of how many people you sleep with. at the end of the day, the body parts are pretty much the same, it`s just the packaging that differs. love adds a new mental connection, a je ne c`est quoi to the arrangement of body parts and exchange of fluids. sex on its own is good, but without love, the extra spark is missing.

do unto others

January 6, 2005 — Leave a comment

despite the biblical references; or because of it; this entry is about sex. if you`re easily offended or have no desire to read anything of a sexual nature, now is the time to move on.

ok, still with me?


i have a personal philosophy about sexual practices — don`t indulge in anything that would appreciate having reciprocated. this generally applies to men but should apply across the board.

oral sex

1. if you object to hair, before you insist on your partner shaving, why don`t you try it, see how much fun it is to completely deforest your nether regions and then deal with the regrowth.

2. for those of you that object to taste and smell, i would suggest you sample some of your own before you pass judgement. and if you`re really hung up about it, you can suggest you shower together, it`s intimate and you can ensure cleanliness.

3. spitting or swallowing – if you want your partner to swallow, see 2 (above) and bear in mind you are what you eat. there are a few fairly detailed articles on taste in a number of places but i`ve found this and this to be fairly accurate and the most interesting read.

anal sex

there is only one rule: trust, comfort and lots of lube. apply all three of these equally and you can`t go wrong.

that`s just open to so many possibilities.

this month is good vibrations anal sex month.

as with most other things sexual, i don`t judge consenting adults for any practice you choose to indulge in and i would appreciate the same courtesy. i think any sexual activity is a two way street, meaning if you`re a guy and willing ask your partner to indulge you, you should be just as willing to, at least, have your prostate massaged.

anal sex is not something that should be rushed into. as with any other sexual practice; no matter what you saw in that movie; it should be indulged in with care, both physical and emotional. if you`ve ever been interested or would like some clear, factual information, these 10 rules are probably the best guidelines you can start with.

sex for sale, cheap

August 26, 2004 — Leave a comment

Jenna Jameson has published a book, more power to her. there are editorials everywhere either lauding or decrying the mainstreaming of porn. i`m truly shocked that anyone is surprised, we`ve turned sexuality into a commodity and like any over-exposed commodity we`ve decreased the value. the adult industry needs to go mainstream, it`s simply a matter of survival.

we can see as much breasts and butocks in 30 seconds of prime time advertising as Cinemax`s late night programming and it`s only going to get worse, not because the adult industry is going mainstream but because we are becoming more repressed. it`s a vicious circle; we`re becoming more and more desensitised to sex, so advertisers are going to greater extremes to get our attention and in a knee jerk reaction people are going to find more stuff objectionable, which brings us back to doe, doe, doe. it`s a self perpetuating cycle and the solution is so simple. well at least i think so.

stop objectifying sexuality.

it`s natural, people need to accept that. it`s not simply for procreation, it`s not the solely the purview of people in love or people who are married. it is a natural instinct. i`m not saying you should go out and copulate with everyone you meet; well actually that is your choice, but we need to realise that the enjoyment of our sexuality is hardwired into our psyches. i`ve had a lot of sex, some of it in love, some of it fantastic, occasionally bad, some experimental. does this make me less of a person? i think not. i`ve accepted my desires and found someone to share them with.

the key to advertising is desire. advertisers try to sell you things; whether you want or need them by playing on your desires. until people accept that; to quote George Michael; `sex is natural, sex is fun`, sexuality is going to be pivotal as selling point. if we want to see less of it, we need to take it back, teach ourselves and our children that sex is not a bad thing.

parenting 101

July 13, 2004 — Leave a comment

sometime in the near future i have to have a version of the `TALK` with the boychick. i don`t know if it`s the implied caps or just nerves but the though fills me with dread. i have all the information at my disposal, what i`m worried about is how much is enough or how much is too much and am i going to warp him in some way. well not warp him so much open him up to all manner of ridicule and abuse by his peers or even worse; an ignorant teacher.

i think it would be safe to say, vic and i are liberally bent when it comes to sexuality but in these times that may not be a positive and how do i go about passing this information on to a brilliant eight going on twenty eight year old with the minimal amount of discomfort for us both. i tend to treat children like small adults and they tend to react well to that; which is why i`m always surprised when one of them behaves their age, i never know how to deal well with whining and pouting and crying and tantrums; the flip side to that coin is making information accessible to them.

i`ve been lucky with my children, they`re bright, well read and have ever expanding vocabularies but talking about sexuality still fills me with dread. my daughters have decided they don`t want to have these discussions with me and the boychick has decided he doesn`t want to have it with vic.

it was just my mother and i and she decided to educate me just i was about to enter high school; in the British school system, that`s 11. she sat me down told me about procreation, refreshed my memory of what`s different on men`s and women`s bodies and provided access to Man`s body and Woman`s body and number of other books on sexuality that were in the household library and that was it. i didn`t turn out too badly, i think. there are still things i learned as i grew older and there still things i learn everyday.

how do i condense and edit 20 odd years of knowledge into something comprehensible and useful for a young man? i want to explain the value of sexuality, but how do i do that without being moralistic and in light of fact that sexuality has become a commodity? does he need to know about safety now? i have all these questions. sigh. parenting is never easy.