in a sentence, i met vic nine years ago in the personals section of nerve.com. but that sentence doesn`t begin to do us any justice.
nine years ago i was in London working on a project, plagued by insomnia. when you`re only sleeping an average of three hours a night, you find yourself thinking of a lot of things. i realised that on the verge of turning 29, i was divorced, with two children i didn`t see enough of, i had ruined three good relationships and was lucky not to take the friendships down with them too, i wasn`t a prize catch and i was probably going to be alone for the rest of my life. i accepted that and decided it wasn`t something that should depress me, i should just work on fixing me and making myself happy.
i had never been a big fan of personals websites, but the project photographer came back from LA with a copy from the short-lived nerve print magazine and during one of my sleepless nights, i read the magazine and then interest piqued, i went to the website. the personal section was funny and irreverent and featured areas you had to fill out like, best and worse lie you ever told and blank is sexy but blank is sexier. it was fun and it didn`t have to be a meat market if you didn`t want it too. i wasn`t looking for a relationship and that was cool, there were other people on nerve that were looking email/im buddies as well.
i think you have two options when you meet someone online, you could lie like hell and soon or later, you`ll get caught or you can be brutally honest about yourself, flaws and foibles writ large and if they can`t accept that then all you`ve done is displace a few electrons.
each profile on nerve, had a two mandatories, a username and what amounted to a tagline. mine was a Raoul Duke classic “when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro” and vic`s lured me in from the word go; “curiosity? poor cat.” i was hooked, i messaged her immediately with my email address and less than a day later we`d exchanged im addresses. for the next six weeks we im`d all day and at least two hours a night, talking about anything and everything. basically becoming friends.
about a week before the 2000 Olympic Games were scheduled to begin i was on a plane heading to Miami with a plan to rent a car, meet vic and another person i`d been chatting with from nerve and go see a long time friend in MS. i got to miami and couldn`t rent a car without a credit card, so i decided to continue my adventure by greyhound. i spent 22 hours on that bus endured strange people playing in my hair as i tried to sleep and arrived in Knoxville road weary and unwashed and wondered if this woman would take one look at me at the bus station and drive away, abandoning me to a strange city. vic didn`t she got out the car and smiled at me. if there was ever a moment when i fell completely and totally in love with victoria, that was it.
i was supposed to stay four days, i ended up staying almost two weeks. the following January i drove 11 hours to propose and we were married a year later, almost to the day.
carlin is dead and it saddens me. he was one of my favorite comics and while i think ‘seven words…’ was groundbreaking, there are bits i love more. i think my love of carlin’s work comes from his ability with words. he was brilliant and will be missed.
while vic and i were dating, we spent the night at a friend’s house and i’d brought the freshly minted, at that time, complaints and grievances cd. we had been listening to it in the car and brought it to finish listening to before we went to sleep. all i have to add to this story is that laughing hysterically doesn’t hurt when you’re getting frisky. i honestly think if you can’t laugh during sex, then what’s the point.
it’s hard to believe that she’s been here three weeks but she has and tomorrow afternoon she begins the first leg of her journey home. there is already a pallor over the house. the boy chick is loathe to lose his partner in crime and near constant companion and i know exactly how he feels. there was a different tone to the house over the last three weeks and i’m going to miss it.
i am a better person because of my wife. hence this week is incredible difficult for me. there are only two more days before she`s back from the trip, but i`m having trouble sleeping and i`m irritable.
i haven`t heard a peep about any of the jobs i`ve applied to and i think i can across an ad for my job and my boss is interviewing people. in normal circumstances, that would mean; cool, some help. but she`s cut back one person`s hours, i know i`m going to get fired. i`d really just like the opportunity to do leave before it happens.
i`ve been playing nice but it`s wearing thin, especially with vic not here. she`s an incredibly nice and kind person, i just try for her sake and without her here for temperance, i don`t know if i can keep up the facade. i have to because there is no money tree and the little that i do make keeps us fed and sheltered.
three years ago today, vic and i got married in Barbados and finally this is our first anniversary together.
there are no special plans; today at least; i`m at work and vic is working tonight, but we`ve got reservations for dinner on Friday. i think we`re still sort of in awe of being able to celebrate another milestone.
so many things have changed in the last three years but the fundamentals remain the same. i have so much i want to say about this anniversary but i can`t form the words. the simplest summation is; i`m deliriously happy. i am happier than i have ever been as an adult and i feel truly blessed.
this isn`t a fairy tale, it`s isn`t happily ever after, we have our disagreements, we have our moods, but we have our ups and downs but they are ours together; and after all we`ve been through that`s all right too.
or what a year.
this was my first post this year:
it`s hard to believe that it`s been four years since i met vic, our first physical meeting was during the summer olympics in australia. time has flown. in less than three weeks we`d have been married for two years, not the greatest two years in the world, but we have each other. another anniversary spent apart, but not completely. vic, all things working out, will be here on jan 22.
so the plan is to take the year in stages, one milestone at a time. stay focussed, stay positive.
harness everything this year has to offer and achieve my goal.
little did i know what was in store for us, three months later after a couple more hoops we would be together at last. just being together has made this year damn near perfect.
i have a life, we have a life. we`re not on hold anymore. we`ve celebrated birthdays and the holidays, we have a life, together. i miss my friends and family, but i`ve made new friends and been welcomed into vic`s family and in approximately three weeks we`ll be celebrating our third wedding anniversary, together for the first time.
i`m thankful for all the things that have happened to me this year, for good or ill they all had their lessons contained within and i`m looking forward to next years adventures.
beautiful, intelligent children, an apartment, bills, a car; but no car payment, debt, jobs, food in our refrigerator, good friends, a life together.
a year ago today, vic left Trinidad for the first time and we were unsure what vagaries the USCIS held for us. one year later, we`re together at last, savouring the simple things, curling up next to each other in bed for that extra five minutes in the morning, laying in bed reading before we fall asleep, sharing the kitchen, that kiss before we separate for the day.
i am eternally grateful for everything we have. it`s been almost 5 months since i arrived here and it`s not been all rosy and sunshine everyday since i`ve arrived, but i can deal with that too.
we have each other.
happy friday 13th, i hadn’t realised til tonight. and the full moon is waxing (or is that waning) i can never remember.
blessings and greetings to all the wicca celebrating out there.
i’ve been sitting around waiting on my 3000th visitor, not really, i’ve been reading and taking quizzes. vic is at the mom’s tonight, then off to nashville tomorrow.
and now that vic’s ticket from nashville to miami and miami to pos are both booked and confirmed. let the countdown begin:
DAYS TIL VICTORIA GETS HERE: 35
YAY!
here are the results of the personalilty disorder test:
| Disorder | Rating |
| Paranoid: | Moderate |
| Schizoid: | Low |
| Schizotypal: | Low |
| Antisocial: | Moderate |
| Borderline: | Low |
| Histrionic: | Low |
| Narcissistic: | Moderate |
| Avoidant: | Low |
| Dependent: | Low |
| Obsessive-Compulsive: | Moderate |
— Personality Disorder Test – Take It! — |
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and the dantes’s inferno test:
The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
| Level | Score |
|---|---|
| Purgatory (Repenting Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 1 – Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers) | Very Low |
| Level 2 (Lustful) | Very High |
| Level 3 (Gluttonous) | Very High |
| Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious) | Moderate |
| Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy) | High |
| Level 6 – The City of Dis (Heretics) | Moderate |
| Level 7 (Violent) | Very High |
| Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers) | High |
| Level 9 – Cocytus (Treacherous) | Moderate |
Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test
well the rain is pouring, i’m going to go frolic for a while then go to bed.
btw, pinetreegirl was my 3000th visitor. congratulations. may your back allow you all the entertainments you desire this weekend. mwah.
i hope. i had a bout of sleeplessness last night which is rare for me (i’m a head to pillow, awake the next morning kind of guy), tossed and turned for a while before i feel asleep and then proceeded to get up far too early this morning. it’s kind of overcast this morning and i missed the weather forecast, so i’m not sure what to expect on my day out. should be fun anyway.
i should go get ready, i have a couple ‘i’s’ to dot and ‘t’s’ to cross before i leave this morning. aaaah the power. right, just making sure the shit that i have to do gets done or can keep til tomorrow.
vic, i love you, i will be careful. i’m missing you terribly. not talking to you during the day is throwing me off, but i’m holding onto the end results.
i’ll be back sometime this even with details of my adventures. have a good one.
good morning love. i miss you more already. this inability to talk during the day feels strange, but it’s for a greater good.
it rain all night and it continues, the sun didn’t come up this morning as much as the grey skies just brightened marginally, i can hear the cars swishing by outside on the wet asphalt and i can only wish you were here. the entire house overslept, on a morning like this everyone is loathe to get out of bed. i hope this brightens your morning. i’ll try to keep posting as the day progresses. i’m trying to keep the meetings to a minimum and the designing high on my time management today.
i love you completely, fiercely, wantonly, have a beautiful day my love
