Not so hostile takeover (2022 edition)

December 11, 2022 — Leave a comment

I originally wrote this in 2008 and thought I would revisit and update it.

In a move expected by many analysts, Santa Claus [trading as SNTA on the holiday market] has been acquired by retail giant Amazon (AMZN) in a deal estimated to be worth billions. Santa Claus, a long time family run franchise has been on the rocks for the last decade with increased competition in the manufacturing, production and delivery sectors but still engenders a great deal of goodwill and brand recognition worldwide.

While details of the merger while still sketchy, it is understood that Santa Claus will become a registered Amazon brand and in exchange Amazon will provide a better manufacturing and distribution system. Current Santa Claus employees are guaranteed continued employment through 2025 as long as they remain un-unionized and undergo new skills training, an Amazon spokesman said today. The Santa Claus workforce consists of between three and five thousand skilled minority workers and low overhead, however with the advent of automation and a greater demand for electronics the organization found itself unable to compete.

The merger is expected to go smoothly, with CEO and COO, Santa Claus retiring effective immediately to spend more time with his family. Other long time stalwarts of the organization; Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolph; are expected to stay on until December 2024 to help in the transition of delivery systems.

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