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things must be dire if i`m quoting Ms. Spears or is that Mrs. Federline?

actually it`s really quite simple, my younger daughter has passed her Secondary Assessment Exam and is moving on from primary (or elementary school, for those of you unfamiliar with the British school system) to high school.

i think i covered this last year when my older daughter passed the same exam. they are no longer little girls, well they were never little. my younger daughter is a towering  5` 6″ at 12 and her sister is just marginally shorter. i`m still in awe, i have teen and pre-teen girls in high school, luckily they`re at the same school and i`m incredibly proud of both of them. i have young women.

this is a humbling and frightening thought. i remember what i was like in high school and hope they don`t make the same mistakes. i`ve always joked about getting a gun and being that father sitting on the porch when the young men come to visit but they`re growing up and i`m missing so much of it. i miss them so much.

i am a better person because of my wife. hence this week is incredible difficult for me. there are only two more days before she`s back from the trip, but i`m having trouble sleeping and i`m irritable.

i haven`t heard a peep about any of the jobs i`ve applied to and i think i can across an ad for my job and my boss is interviewing people. in normal circumstances, that would mean; cool, some help. but she`s cut back one person`s hours, i know i`m going to get fired. i`d really just like the opportunity to do leave before it happens.

i`ve been playing nice but it`s wearing thin, especially with vic not here. she`s an incredibly nice and kind person, i just try for her sake and without her here for temperance, i don`t know if i can keep up the facade. i have to because there is no money tree and the little that i do make keeps us fed and sheltered.

i`ve never been particularly vain about my personal appearance. i wear what`s comfortable as opposed to trendy; although i apparently i clean up nicely. i`ve been told that i`m easy on the eye, but i don`t really see it and people always compliment me on my hair, but i could cut it all off tomorrow and not feel any great remorse; it is after all just hair and it will grow back.

my single vanity about my personal appearance is my skin. and i think that has more to do with gratitude than anything else.

i was born allergic and aside for my shellfish allergy; which has a far worse reaction; all my allergies showed up on my skin. in the first year of my life, i developed allergies to milk; human, cow, goat, milk substitutes, eggs and fish. it`s a wonder that i grew any at all.

these allergies continued through most of my childhood, but lessened to some extent. i knew i could only have eggs or fish one day a week, milk had to be powdered and mixed thinly. but by and large, for the first thirteen years of my life i had a rash of some sort and cabinet full of topical ointments. the other thing i learned early on is not scratch or pick which has came to serve me well later on in life. but that is a tale for another day.

as i got older; through the joy of hormones or some greater power looking down on me; i wasn`t saddle with ashy scales, acne or pimples. i just had naturally healthy skin. but having spent so much time taking care of my unhealthy skin, i wasn`t about to take anything for granted. i learned what soaps i could and couldn`t use on my skin, i realised that soap on my face was a total no-no. i had my first facial at 15 and learned to steam and give myself facials when i couldn`t afford to get one.

in my mid-20s i discovered another trigger for allergies; stress. in my fourth year at my first ad agency job, i stress myself out to the point where my entire back was just a giant rash that took almost a year to get rid of. there are no traces of it now, which is another interesting thing about my skin. i heal almost perfectly, much to the chagrin of my tattoo artist. if i use too much A&D ointment while my tattoos are healing, they will heal completely like a cut, leaving just the faint line of ink. while i was getting the last set of ink, he banned me from using anything other than petroleum jelly just before i bathed to keep it dry.

since i`ve moved here, i`ve found a soap that me and my skin are happy with, learned how to keep my skin moist on during the winter months and what to use as the humidity returns to levels i`m accustomed to. although i`m not currently available to afford it, there is a trip to the body shop coming. their body butter is the only thing i`ve used consistently in the last eight years that works no matter what time of year it is.

roll the die

May 18, 2005 — Leave a comment

i am the master of finding cheap fares; for other people. i`ve done it for my mother in law, i`ve done it for friends. i can find that really cheap ticket with the minimum of fuss. somehow i can never do the same for myself.

i`m trying to get my daughters here for the summer and currently the cheapest fare i can find is in the $800 each, to get them to Nashvegas and that doesn`t include the surcharge for children travelling alone.

i miss the girls and i want to see them, but there is no way i can afford that and conversely flying to Trinidad will cost even more, because even though the fares are marginally cheaper, we would need to fly all three of us, plus accommodation and transport while we`re there. plus all the `cheap` fares i`m finding require us to be gone from anywhere between three to five weeks. neither of which we can afford either.

my job situation is still iffy. i`m on probation for a month, which can be extended at my boss` discretion and i`m firmly of the belief that the nanosecond she finds someone or our busy season ends, i`m out the door. i`ve got feelers out but no nibbles yet.

i hate being fucking broke and stressing about money.

please stand by

May 11, 2005 — Leave a comment

over the coming weeks there will be a drop off in the volume of posts here; as if there haven`t been already.

my writer`s block continues in force, my part-time employment limits what i can say about technology; especially as it pertains to apple and i find myself on probation at my full-time job.

this combination of factors is making it harder for me find the energy to post on a daily basis.

this has been a long, painful and exhausting week for me.

i`ve managed to leave work late almost everyday this week, i haven`t been to bed before 11 any night this week and one of my wisdom teeth is making my jaw sing and as with all other drugs, i seem to have developed a tolerance to both the lortab and the ibuprofen that i was taking.

ever so often for the last five years my wisdom teeth make an appearance that usually involves excruciating pain and they cut through my gums. i have spoken to my dentists about it, but they all recommend surgery. which seems like a good idea, except any dental procedures i need to have done, have to two hours or less in duration, as i said before i have a really high tolerance for narcotics. two hours is maximum amount of time that painkillers usually last for me. i`m loathe to think about some dentist rooting around in my mouth when the painkillers wear off; every scenario ends badly for us both.

work wise, i`m incredibly frustrated with my job this week with yesterday being the culmination of all my frustrations. i`m just going to leave it at that, because i`m slowly learning that sometimes, discretion is the better part of valour. i do however have an interview next week for a part time job which should make my summer, entertaining  if nothing else.

what’s next

April 13, 2005 — Leave a comment

today marks the second anniversary of my time here at JS and what a long strange trip it`s been.

i actually started blogging a week earlier at blogspot and somewhat dissatisfied i moved here. i`ve seen people come and go, seen the member rolls grow from 4000+ to whatever epic number they`re at now.

over the course of 2 years and nearly 1200 posts, i`ve participated in quizzes and memes, shared my life down to the tiny, trifling details, i`ve waxed poetic about my love, i`ve railed about the inefficiency of bureaucracy, i`ve bitched about my job; i`ve tried my hand at satire,  voiced my opinions and stood up for what i believe in and i wonder, where do i go from here?

i don`t want to stop but i fear that i may be repeating myself or just unable to articulate some of the thoughts that are bouncing around in my head. i have all these ideas for brilliants post in my mind but the minute i sit in front of the computer the most cohesive portions of those thoughts flee leaving with an outline but no body.

even a post as whiny as this has suffered rewrites and deletions to numerous to mention. writing posts used to be an effortless exercise. thoughts flowed as fast as i could type, driven by some inner need to be exorcised, now i must chase them down, trap and tame them before they lend themselves to be shared.

`may cause drowsiness` is always an indication that taking that medication will  put you down like a rabid dog.

my urologist prescribed an Atavan for me to take half an hour before the vasectomy and 15 Lortab to take as needed if the pain was overbearing. i have to say, that i`m not in much pain.

the getting kicking in the testes analogy is correct, but in my case it`s been the dull throbbing after the kick as opposed to the sharp savage pain of the kick.

i took one of the Lortab as soon as i got home as a pre-emptive strike and kept by berries cool with some frozen cranberries vic had in the freezer. i took another Lortab last night at the first twinge of serious pain and passed out almost immediately on the couch.

this morning there doesn`t seem to be much swelling and i heroically or stupidly depending on your perspective didn`t take any medication until we got back from vic`s coloscopy; she is in perfect health, but has been banned from sex for two day — that works out well. returning home, i decided against more Lortab this morning in favour of the ibuporfen and those seem to be working well.

i`m supposed to go back out to work tomorrow and i think i should be up to it, in two to three weeks or 10 – 12 ejaculations, i`m supposed to drop off a sample at my doctor`s. once there are two samples without semen in it, the vasectomy will be considered a success.

TMI

April 5, 2005 — Leave a comment

the gayest thing i have ever done is my life, i did  last night; i wore a jock strap; sorry the politically correct term is athletic support; for the first time.

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i know i have another post about it, but i thought this was funnier and more to the point.

drove from Kingston to DC on sunday, followed mapquest got lost in DC, sort of. went to a trini restaurant for roti, no roti on sundays had curry goat instead.

walked the mall, went to the american history museum, took vic`s picture in the julia child exhibit, went to the Smithsonian air & space, went into the flight sim with the boychick, went to dinner at this asian diner, Raku; great food.

went for doubles; not the best but it`s been a year, had 5, went to the Smithsonian hanger extension near Dulles, saw cool planes and a space shuttle, went home, host cooked dinner; yummy.

went to Silver Springs to see a Bill`s Buddies perfomance; Shakespeare for kids, went to the National Cathedral, farted on Wilson`s sarcophagus, took lots of pictures of the stained glass, got drenched looking for Vader grotesque and getting the car, went home, went back out for roti; good not great. went on a night time drive with vic to see the monuments, drive by only, no parking because of tour buses.

got up thursday said goodbyes, went for doubles, escaping DC swerved to avoid a car turning, had a guy have my wing mirror rub off on his door, paid him some money to get it buffed out, while i was negotiating some other asshat passed too close and whacked my wrist and finger; they`re fine. escaped DC and drove almost non-stop to Knoxville.