Archives For love, lust, longing

or what a year.

this was my first post this year:

it`s hard to believe that it`s been four years since i met vic, our first physical meeting was during the summer olympics in australia. time has flown. in less than three weeks we`d have been married for two years, not the greatest two years in the world, but we have each other. another anniversary spent apart, but not completely. vic, all things working out, will be here on jan 22.

so the plan is to take the year in stages, one milestone at a time. stay focussed, stay positive.

harness everything this year has to offer and achieve my goal.

little did i know what was in store for us, three months later after a couple more hoops we would be together at last. just being together has made this year damn near perfect.

i have a life, we have a life. we`re not on hold anymore. we`ve celebrated birthdays and the holidays, we have a life, together. i miss my friends and family, but i`ve made new friends and been welcomed into vic`s family and in approximately three weeks we`ll be celebrating our third wedding anniversary, together for the first time.

i`m thankful for all the things that have happened to me this year, for good or ill they all had their lessons contained within and i`m looking forward to next years adventures.

a celebration

October 13, 2004 — Leave a comment

i`d written a lovely homage to this weekends celebrations when my machine came to a grinding halt and under OS X there are very few things that can precipitate a system wide freeze and in this case it was the Microsoft Office update. i loath M$ and their crappy products, hopefully i can pick up the threads of my original post and sally forth.

on Sunday, we had a celebration of our marriage. we`ll be married three years next January but thought that should be a celebration for friends and family because when got married it was just us, the hired minister, the travel agent who arranged it and ndelamiko who put us on the the travel agent and who i was meeting in person for the first time. we`re not counting the hotel guests who were gawking nearby or the leathery German guy in the electric blue speedo, who thought it would be a good idea to get a closer look.

this is weekend we invited family and close friends to celebrate the wedding that had already happened. to sum it up in a word; perfect. the weather was more than co-operative, cool and sunny all day, the food was magnificent and the people was wonderful. most of my people couldn`t make it, but vic is blessed with the most amazing family and friends and everyone, has done their best to make me feel welcome.

we have…

July 28, 2004 — Leave a comment

beautiful, intelligent children, an apartment, bills, a car; but no car payment, debt, jobs, food in our refrigerator, good friends, a life together.

a year ago today, vic left Trinidad for the first time and we were unsure what vagaries the USCIS held for us. one year later, we`re together at last, savouring the simple things, curling up next to each other in bed for that extra five minutes in the morning, laying in bed reading before we fall asleep, sharing the kitchen, that kiss before we separate for the day.

i am eternally grateful for everything we have. it`s been almost 5 months since i arrived here and it`s not been all rosy and sunshine everyday since i`ve arrived, but i can deal with that too.

we have each other.

i love sex and luckily i`ve found someone i love having sex with. i`ve realised from my reading there seems to be a lot of miscommunication about sex and sexuality.

i`m not an expert by any stretch of the imagination but would open intercourse lead to better intercourse? sex with vic is for the most part intuitive. we know what we want and we respond to each other but that doesn`t mean we don`t like to give or take instruction.

very early on, when sex was but a germ of an idea in our lascivious minds, we discussed what we did and didn`t like, what was never going to happen and the discussions haven`t stopped. there are still lines that wont be crossed but there have been some interesting and exciting developments.

it`s amazing but each and every time has been better. we`ve just gotten more and more comfortable and in tune with each other. the other crucial factor is trust, sexuality is a partnership, in more ways than one and you need to trust you partner.

once that`s established there is nothing that isn`t possible. fantasies and desires can become reality if the both of you are comfortable with it. if it`s only going to be fun for one of you don`t abuse the trust by harping on it. if it`s outside either of your absolutes it`s not even worth broaching and bringing it up is going to lead to some sense of betrayal. otherwise give it a try, after all, it`s only kinky the first time

i love to have you nestled in my arm, head on my shoulder, your breathing steady, your skin warm against mine.

i love that whimsical half smile, makes me wondering what you`re dreaming about.

i love climbing back into bed with you, finding that space that you automatically make for me.

i love waking up next to you, the tangle of limbs and warm, smooth skin.

i love falling asleep, your arms wrapped around me, knowing you too are looking at me sleep and listening to me breathe

yesterday we were out to dinner and we were referred to as newlyweds. i guess we are in a manner of speaking. tomorrow marks two weeks since i`ve been here. this has been the longest time we`ve been together.

it`s been an amazing two weeks. everything feels natural, from waking up in the morning and getting vic to work to having lunch with her everyday. and i am enjoying the house husband role. the boychick is off with grandparents for the week, it`s spring break, so my duties this week are marginally less.

i am so happy but i`m afraid it will seem like gloating and as a fan a greek mythology i also have this concept of jealous gods smiting happy mortals for flaunting their joy. for now, i`m exactly where i need to be in my life.

i think the honeymoon can last forever. it`s not just about sex, it`s about being comfortable with your partner. the ability to be silly, the ability to be vulnerable, the ability to be yourself. i know we have all of these things and they`re not going anywhere.

vic is at work, the boy chick is next door and i`m apartment hunting.

i think we`re still accepting the reality that we`re here. together. and it is amazing. we drove for 5 hours to see my friend sam on thursday night [the boy chick had friday off from school] and now i have a gig. not a full time job, but a project that will bring in some cash and keep me occupied for the next couple of weeks.

it`s amazing to sit in the car and talk and drive and do thing like normal people. i took vic to work this morning, then took the boychick for a haircut and then i`m taking him to a birthday party this afternoon, then we go pick up vic after work and we`re off to look at apartments and get a phone.

it`s been like that. sitting for a day and a half at the dmv trying to get my license. being told in this country we`re not married unless we have the same last name [the guy was an idiot and i didn`t have to deal with him again]. going to pick up the boychick from school. going to bed, getting up the next morning. oh yeah and all the sex you imagine we`re having and then some.

it`s been as simple as that and i`ve never been happier.

this coming week, the apartment hunt continues and i have to send off some documents to the ins, join the library and apply for my ss. i have my project to get cracking and i have to figure out how to get on the existing internet connection. currently, i`m checking my mail and posting this from the non-network ready dell. bleech.

the boychick is back and i need to figure out what we`re doing for lunch before we head off to this birthday party.

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after nearly two years, i am home. we are home. no oceans, no seas, the two of us together. finally.

thank you all for your prayers, thoughts, support. i`m here. i`m safe. we`re together.

we of course will not be around much for the next couple of days.

an interesting question

February 25, 2004 — Leave a comment

someone asked an interesting question in response to my last post. i was going to answer it as a comment, but i thought it required more attention than that.

vic and i are not living in a fairy tale and we know that. things are not going to be peachy and perfect all the time. we both have our off days, luckily we seem to have them when we can provide the most support to each other.

we`re both strong willed people and we`re both accustomed to doing things a certain way, we`re sure it`s going to take some getting used to.

what we have going for us, is our ability to talk about anything without discomfort or contention. we expect there will be problems, but we also thing we can sit and talk about them and work them out. there are going to be external forces to deal with as well, but we will try and work those out in the safest possible manner for us and that`s a family us.

we`re going to try and deal with each day as it comes. we have shared long term goals that we`ll be working towards when i get settled. in the interim, it`s about learning to live with each other and getting comfortable sharing a physical space.

i know it`s not going to be perfect all the time but i think if we abide the rule to not go to bed angry, i think we can face whatever challenges come up, together.

ash wednesday is a public holiday in jamaica, but i`m in the office.

i`m trying to wrap up the design of this annual report before i leave, there are volumes of information missing but i think if i can at least create a template, whoever is wrapping it up after i leave should have no problem.

today is a very laid back day, no one is in the office and i`m churning through the page. i prefer to work like this, empty office, just me, music as loud as i want it, no ringing phones, no conversation. i`m more productive in solitude.

i`ve also realised i don`t get going before 11am, i come in early, but i check my mail, i read stuff online and basically look productive before i actually start work.

i`ve also been working on a story to post here, it`s tale about my first trip to dc, it`s coming along nicely but every now and again, i lose the thread of the story, so i`ve decided to shelve it for a little while and work on it when i get home.

i think i can`t completely focus on it on anything else because i`m so excited. six more days. this time next week i would have spent my first night in vic`s arms without the spectre of when one of us has to leave ever again.