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today is my grandmother`s birthday, as well as my ex wife`s and i`ve made the obligatory calls and i feel a lot better. i`ve been in a sort of Christmas funk for the last few days. i`m not a big fan of the holiday season, i posted about it last year; i think; so i`m not going to get into it again. it`s a little difficult to acclimatise to it, because it`s such a big deal for vic; she and the boychick enjoy a lot of the trappings i tend to sneer at and i don`t want to spoil their enjoyment.

for me it`s more about family and although i`m thrilled to be finally here with vic, i miss my girls. as bad as things have been this is my first Christmas without them. last year i flew home on Christmas eve to be with them. there is no flying anywhere this year and we can`t even afford to think about flying them here.

compounding this, because vic is working retail i have to be at the mall at least twice a day; i firmly believe that Christmas is over commercialised and nowhere is that more prevalent that at the mall; and this mall caters to nouveau riche of Nashville. Country with more money than sense, never good. i believe that during the holiday season conspicuous consumption causes people to lose their minds. everything that was bad year round get worse; driving, decision making and manners particularly.

i think i can manage to get through the rest of this season without leaping out of my car to throttle some mullet wearing, fake boob having, suv driving idiot but only because i don`t think any of them are worth missing my first Christmas with my darling over.

i am exhausted. last night was my first full night of sleep in almost a week, but it was a truly wonderful thanksgiving.

starting last Tuesday night, i got the new drive for my laptop; a huge thank you to my JS benefactor; spent a great deal of time installing a new beta OS, realising it wasn`t working, scrubbing the drive again and cloning everything off my functioning system, managed to stay up until 1am working on that.

Wednesday was even more entertaining, had to get to work early to drop off a print job for a client, then left for what i thought was an hour to drop vic to work and pick up a friend from the airport, managed to be out of the office for three hours, not bad generally, but considering my original plan to leave after lunch, it didn`t look good. i managed to finagle my early departure by pointing out that i had been at the printer after work hours on Tuesday and at the client early on Wednesday. i left the office, picked up the boychick, son of a good friend and my favourite librarian and began the trek to Kingston, TN. Obeying all speed laws made reasonable time, then proceeded to leave the gas sipping Neon there and return to Nashville in my mother in law`s Grand Caravan with a hutch, coffee table and television stand. I was making fairly good time back, traffic and all when the rain came down and i realised how badly the wipers need to be changed. Made a slight detour to Walhell; mea culpa, mea culpa; changed wipers in the rain and got back on the road and home a little before 9pm. not content with how well the new drive was functioning i decided to make a second stab at installing the beta os while i was waiting for SOS who was overnighting to arrive. i managed to completely screw up the installed os, requiring another scrub and attempt and a clean os install. SOS arrived close to midnight and we stayed up until 3am catching up.

Thursday was a little less hectic but just barely. after the two late nights, we didn`t managed to get up until late, well i was up earlier than everyone else, but was trying to get my machine to work the way i wanted it to while everyone else was asleep. i managed to get the beta os up and running but i wasn`t getting my mail and resorted to dumping the mail folder and trying to import my old mail, not fun, since i also lost all my signatures and all my rules, since i`ve been accumulating them since 2000, i wasn`t looking forward to redoing all of that manually. i abandoned the computer to accompany vic to CSG`s first annual non-traditional thanksgiving feast which was spectacular fun. it was vic, CSG, Ms Te and us, the significant otters, dining on home made fajitas, playing trivial pursuit; girls against boys, we won and then monopoly; i won. we returned home for pie making and savouring the fact that we had the house to ourselves. there was no hope for a full night`s sleep on Thursday because i had to pick up two Trini friends from the bus station at 2:45am, being awake enough to drive to pick them up, threw off my sleep cycle and i had to get up early to take vic to work anyway.

Friday was the first encounter with a real bird. i picked vic up from work and along with my two trini friends went to CSG`s parent place on the outskirts of Nashville. there were two birds to chose from; a deep fried cajun turkey and a traditional bird, both of them were lovely and i ate to much, laughed loudly and had and eventually reposed to the couch for a nap.

Saturday was another early morning, with a drive back to Kingston in the picture. note to self, playing freeze tag with the nieces and nephews in the cold wind blowing off the lake, not a good idea on the part of a 33 year old, but it was fun. more consumption of good food, more great conversation, then we took a trip to Knoxville to see another one of vic`s friends and her wonderful house. cue massive amounts of house envy. then back to Kingston too late.

Sunday; waffles, waffles, waffles and an early departure back to Nashville to beat the traffic, a pit stop at the Eddie Bauer outlet to look for a leather jacket, nice jackets, but nothing i could afford.

I am driven out, but i wouldn`t have changed anything about this weekend. good friends, good food, good company. i am truly thankful for my life.

i loathe banks. if i could survive in this country sticking my money under my mattress i would.

without getting into too much detail, let just say our bank has screwed us over for the third time in as many months and it`s all about how they credit balances, every time you talk to them it`s a different story. we`re sick and tired of it.

we need a new bank, although i`m not sure any of them are going to be any better. it`s all about taking your money, however they can. we`re living credit card free. it`s about what we earn and living with that, so to be paying charges on money that`s there because of changes in banking practices just makes my blood boil. and the customer service reps are so facetious, like they`re doing you a favour by mismanaging your money.

we`re thinking about moving to a credit union or swallowing the marketing ploy of Bank of America. The credit union and our current bankers are both regional, so theoretically we should get better service where they know your name as opposed to the large faceless national bank? i just don`t know, i`m unhappy with this bank, but wondering if it`s worth all the stress and hassle. are we going to be jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire?

what’s next?

November 22, 2004 — Leave a comment

we put up or Christmas tree this weekend. it may be early for some people, but Christmas is a big deal for Vic and the boychick, there is a lot of pomp and ceremony, including a new ornament for the tree. vic got me my first ornament on Friday and for the first time in a really long time i really am looking forward to this holiday season.

the other reason the tree went up this weekend, it`s the first and last weekend in an incredibly long time that we had nothing to do. this week is packed with travelling, guests and vic officially begins her hobby with pay and then a trip to the family thanksgiving on Saturday in Kingston and then back to Nashville on Sunday for vic to get to work. there is a lot of driving in my future and i`m looking forward to it.

much ado about nothing

November 19, 2004 — Leave a comment

i`m loosing weight. not in a spectacular; 10 pounds in 10 days kind of way, but a gradual erosion of the weight i`ve packed on over the last eight years and more specifically the 30 or 40 pounds i put on this year alone.

when i got here in March i was close to 315 lbs, which was my heaviest weight ever, granted i`d been living on complete and utter garbage for at least a month before i arrived but i wasn`t happy with my weight, no matter how well i carried it.

diabetes doesn`t run in my family, but hypertension does, so it behoves me to monitor my weight. my magic number is somewhere between 240 and 250 and i`m hoping to meet that goal by my next birthday, it`s not impossible, i`m currently in the 280 pound vicinity. to put this in some sort of perspective at age 25 i weighed 180 pounds, soaking wet. i was tall and thin and had a metabolism that allowed me to eat any and everything without a care in the world and then it stopped and i gained a pound here; my stomach; and a pound there; my hips until i became the man i am today.

so far i haven`t started on any workout regime, other than the occasional walk around the neighbourhood and at least four trips up and down the stairs at my office. i`m hoping Santa gets me bicycle for Christmas so i can ride to work and get some real exercise without distressing my knees too much. i am however eating a lot better and i have a partner in vic. together we`re working on being healthier and extending our lives together.

through judicious shopping we`ve pretty much cut high frutose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils; partially and otherwise from our home cooked diet. we`re not food nazis and sometimes it is better not to read the label, you really don`t want to know.

for the first time in half a lifetime, i`m looking forward to Christmas. i`m actually looking forward to the massive family gathering that is Thanksgiving with vic`s family.

i grew up an only child, so large family gatherings fascinate me, i think i live vicariously through them. i`m not by nature a social person, but i`m also not the sort to sit sullenly by. vic`s family is very welcoming and engaging so Thanksgiving, celebrated the Saturday following this year should be great fun.

we`ve also put fruits to soak for a traditional Caribbean black cake as passed onto me by my grandmother. this is also going to be my first Christmas with Vic and completely away from my girls, so this is going to be bittersweet to say the least.

my grandmother`s birthday is in a month, more or less, on the same day as my ex-wife, is one of my best friends in the world. as it`s inappropriate to discuss a lady`s age i`m not going to say how old my grandmother is. what i am going to do is marvel at her experiences.

my grandmother was born less than 100 years after slavery was abolished in the British colonies, less than 50 years after it was abolished in the US. She`s lived through two world wars, seen transportation and communication grow by leaps and bounds.

i always find it fascinating to think that when my grandmother was the age i am now, electricity, telephones and indoor plumbing were all still luxuries. i think it`s one of the things that help give me perspective.

my grandmother is bedridden, some of it due to old age and partially due to sheer ill will towards my mother, but mentally she is razor sharp. i`m sorry i`m not going to be there to share this birthday with her and i worry about her and my mother. to describe their relationship as antagonistic would be polite, but i think it keeps them alive and i worry if something happens to one of them, the other is not going to be around much longer after that.

i worry about them and i miss them, but i can`t just pick up and go see them, i can`t pick up and go anywhere for at least two years and that bothers me as well. my fervent prayer is they can both hold on at least for me to see them one more time.

friday night was great fun, actually the whole weekend was lovely, good friends and good food.

my father`s side of my family are alcoholics; i`m not sure this is because it`s damn near impossible to get us drunk and hung over or we like to drink so much that we`re born with alcohol in our bloodstream.

i`ve known my limits or lack of for a very long time, so i feel no need to prove myself every time i have a drink but the times i do over-indulge tend to be epic. friday night was no exception; sometime between 7pm and 3am i managed to consume the better part of a half bottle of Jack Daniels and still remain almost completely sober and much to the chagrin of one of the players; unfazed the following morning after all that epic drinking.

that binge on friday means there will be no mass consumption of anything alcoholic for some time to come, i rather like my liver and i`d like to have the continued use of it.

breaking even

November 13, 2004 — Leave a comment

i`m sleeping alone for the first time in the six months and ten days since i`ve been here. albeit, at three a.m. i`m not doing much sleeping.

vic is at the Scorpio girls` slumber party. vic, cajunscorpiogirl, ms te and their other college roommate, all have birthdays within a two week period, culminating CSG`s on Nov 12. so they had a fondue party tonight with a masseuse, while the significant others gathered at our apartment for a night of Texas Hold `Em and drinking.

thankfully my paternal constitution enabled me to at least make the buy-in for the game. i manage to stay the course by attrition, not skill. all the men folk are spending the night, far to inebriated to even think about getting behind the wheel.

which brings me to my post in the middle of the night, i should be in bed asleep, but like that police song goes; the bed is too big without you. the pillows and the sheets smell of vic but she`s not there and i miss her.

it`s only three and a half hours until the sun comes up, if i get in the bed now, i can drift off for a little while before i realise i`m alone in the bed again.

i just scored two free tickets to Metallica tomorrow. didn`t pay for them, don`t have to trade my soul so in the immortal words of my favourite librarian:

edit: thanks to said librarian we now the have a graphic to go with that.