If Keifel Agostini was half as good as he thinks he is, he would be better than anybody. As it is, however, thank God that art requires few straight lines, as he can’t draw them.
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my support system is a small handful people, all of them close friends that i can rely on for unfiltered and completely honest opinions and if i need help of some sort they`ll be there for me.
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facebook has me thinking about the nature of friendship.
i’ve met a lot of people in my life and there are quite a few that i’m honoured to call my friends. one of my best friends is my ex-wife and we joke that we almost ruined a perfectly good friendship by getting married. one of my friends has described me as the person that you call to help you bury the body. all of this to say friendship is not something i take lightly.
which is why i approached facebook with a different perspective than most. i joined to keep in contact with my children and as more and more people i knew joined it helped me keep in touch with them. people that occasionally sent multi-kb missives every few months are now more accessible. one of my policies is not to add people i don’t know. according to some people that’s contrary to what facebook is about. i’m late 30-something year old man, i don’t need to be making friends online.
what’s interesting about that stance is how people react. if i get a request and i don’t know who it is, i tend to send an email requesting clarificaiton. there are people that have changed their names, people who i only knew by their nicknames, people i’ve worked with or went to school with and forgot about. in the twenty-something years since i’ve left high shcool i’ve worked in advertising and the media, two fields that afforded me the opportunity to meet a ton of people. i honestly don’t remember everyone, so i am going to ask how we know each other and if you can’t be bothered to answer, i’m not going to accept the request. cussing me out for denying your request simply proves i’m right not accept the request. and on that subject, if i went to school with you and you kicked my ass on a daily basis, i’m not going to be your friend. it’s petty yes, but i think i’m entitled to hold a grudge.
i think facebook is a great way to network and meet new people but not everyone uses it for the same purpose and as part of a social construct, that should be acceptable too.
i`m sleeping alone for the first time in the six months and ten days since i`ve been here. albeit, at three a.m. i`m not doing much sleeping.
vic is at the Scorpio girls` slumber party. vic, cajunscorpiogirl, ms te and their other college roommate, all have birthdays within a two week period, culminating CSG`s on Nov 12. so they had a fondue party tonight with a masseuse, while the significant others gathered at our apartment for a night of Texas Hold `Em and drinking.
thankfully my paternal constitution enabled me to at least make the buy-in for the game. i manage to stay the course by attrition, not skill. all the men folk are spending the night, far to inebriated to even think about getting behind the wheel.
which brings me to my post in the middle of the night, i should be in bed asleep, but like that police song goes; the bed is too big without you. the pillows and the sheets smell of vic but she`s not there and i miss her.
it`s only three and a half hours until the sun comes up, if i get in the bed now, i can drift off for a little while before i realise i`m alone in the bed again.
i was having a conversation with a friend this morning about similar aspects of our personalities; specifically the inability to say `No` and by extension our ability to think it`s our duty to fix everyone`s problems but our own.
this is ground i`ve covered before but listening, well reading; her perspective on it, reopened some old wounds for me. i haven`t been able to articulate my feelings in any coherent manner since then. i have typed this paragraph about five times and deleted each one because i still can`t quite put into words.
i think part of this is a feeling of guilt. my ex-mother-in-law died yesterday, i get along fabulously with my ex, she`s the mother of my younger daughter and i count her as one of my best friends in the world and i can`t do anything for her and that bothers me. she`s one of the few people that has been here for me no matter what and now she needs someone and i can`t reciprocate.
out of sight, out of mind, seems par for the course with me and the people i call friends. well not all of them, i`m realising i can count the true friends on the fingers of one hand.
for all the rest it`s about what i can do for them, whether it`s fixing their computers or helping them with a problem or just sitting there listening to them. i don`t mind any of this, it`s what friendship is about, right?
but when do it become to much?
there are people that will see me online and not say a word to me for weeks, but the nanosecond they have a problem, the message window pops open and in some cases without even a howdy, they launch into whatever problem ails them. aside from it being rude, i feel so used.
is it wrong for me to complain about my so called friends?
i`ve called them on it, but no one seems to take me seriously. i mean, there are people who will send four million forwards, but will never take the time to send me an email saying, `hi, how are you?` or reply to an email i sent.
i keep swearing up and down that this is the last year, i`m cutting people lose, but i never do. i`m always there when they need help or a shoulder to cry on. the big sap that i am. this is why people take advantage of me.
at least i`ve learned to say no.