July 27, 2004

i was having a conversation with a friend this morning about similar aspects of our personalities; specifically the inability to say `No` and by extension our ability to think it`s our duty to fix everyone`s problems but our own.

this is ground i`ve covered before but listening, well reading; her perspective on it, reopened some old wounds for me. i haven`t been able to articulate my feelings in any coherent manner since then. i have typed this paragraph about  five times and deleted each one because i still can`t quite put into words.

i think part of this is a feeling of guilt. my ex-mother-in-law died yesterday, i get along fabulously with my ex, she`s the mother of my younger daughter and i count her as one of my best friends in the world and i can`t do anything for her and that bothers me. she`s one of the few people that has been here for me no matter what and now she needs someone and i can`t reciprocate.