low tolerance for shit

On September 12, 2003, in opinions, personal, by keifel

in one of the many conversations that i seem to be having with my boss since my resignation, she asked me why i have such a low tolerance for shit.

now that`s an odd question, i would think most people would have a low tolerance for shit. must just be me, but i think if my tolerance level for shit is so low, because i tend to be a pretty open minded person otherwise.

i try to avoid stereotyping people. i`m accepting of people unless they`re stupid. that is my personal beef.

stupid for me is people unwilling to learn any better, unwilling to ask questions if they don`t know.

but i digress or do i? i don`t understand homophobia, racism, anti-abortion activists and organised religions but i`m willing to accept, that for humanity to progress, there will be people will opposing views. i`m will to listen and try to understand your argument. it doesn`t meant i accept it, but i`m willing to learn what i can about you and from you.

so with all this acceptance, i should think, i could let shit slide but generally i can`t.

that`s just how i`m built.

 

how nice

On September 11, 2003, in humour, by keifel

[a joke i got from my wife, best told in a southern accent]

four junior league ladies are having lunch just after christmas.

the woman at the head of the table and asks the woman on her left:

“what did your husband get you for christmas?”

“my husband took my wedding ring to be cleaned and when it came back it was two carats instead of one”

to which the woman replies:

“how nice!”

she turns to the woman across from her and asks:

“what did your husband get you for christmas?”

“my husband got me a full length mink coat”

to which the woman replies:

“how nice!”

finally she turns to the woman on her right and asks:

“so what did your husband get you for christmas?”

“my husband got us a trip to gay paree and we leave next week”

to which the woman replies:

“how nice!”

the other ladies turn to the woman at the head of the table and ask:

“so what did your husband get you for christmas?”

“my husband sent me to finishing school, so instead of saying `fuck y`all!`, i say `how nice!`”

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full moon, harvest moon

On September 11, 2003, in love, lust, longing, work, by keifel

it`s the full moon tonight and i can feel it, my body is singing.

i can feel it in my every nerve ending. it`s such a magnificent feeling. i`m almost bouncing off the walls.

i came home today to find a letter from the bank…

blah, blah, blah… we thank you for your interest…

… however we`re unable to offer you a suitable position…

blah, blah, blah

doesn`t fucking matter, i`m fixed on this jamaica job. i can taste it. i want it so badly.

or is that something else? 🙂 just had a long conversation with vic about this long conversation i had with my boss today.

i guess i should expect the next couple of weeks to be filled with many such meeting as she tries to convince me staying is what`s best for me.

poor deluded soul.

i`m going to make it an early night tonight. hope your harvest moon is fruitful.

 

freedom to oversleep

On September 11, 2003, in work, by keifel

there is a certain amount of freedom that comes with knowing that your days in an organisation are specifically numbered.

for the second time this week i managed to oversleep, i`m not one to slack off when i`m leaving a job, i have nothing, if not a reputation to maintain. but since i handed in my resignation yesterday, i feel lighter.

i`m working on taking care of some of the other things that i need to make my steps forward. i`ve gotten the forms i need, i`m calling about the letters i need to attach to the form.

things are progressing nicely. i lost my train of thought in the middle of the post, cause my boss came to have a little tete a tete with me. she seems to be working on trying to convince me to stay in some subtle way.

i`m not convinced.

 

it is finished

On September 10, 2003, in work, by keifel

almost as an anticlimax i handed in my resignation. she accepted, long lecture notwithstanding, my last day is october 10.

the letter was civil and i feel lighter for it.

i have no idea what i`m going to do in the next month, but i`ve managed before, i`ll manage now.

 

resignation letter take one

On September 10, 2003, in words, work, by keifel

i`m not sure how soon i`m going to be handing it in, but i`ve begun drafting my resignation letter. i really should not be writing it now, with the blood pounding in my ears, but i`m fuming.

i`m not going to go over the details now, but let`s just leave it at, my boss is behaving like a 7 year old. she`s not talking to me and i think she`s deliberately vetoed all the decisions i made on a client presentation this morning, less than 30 minutes before the client was due.

here is the first draft:

I’m unable to continue working for yourself and [employer name here]. I am dissatisfied with my current remuneration, especially in light of the levels of responsibility expected of me.

I also find it difficult to work with you personally, I find you insipid and pretentious and work for you has been an exercise in self control therefore I hereby tender my resignation effective immediately.

i need to not write this when i`m so pissed. i`ve destroyed too many bridges in this industry and most of them are based on letters i`ve written when i`m angry.

pause. i just finished reading a friends journal and i`ve realised my problems are pointless and insignificant, well not quite. but totally within my power to change.

i`m not putting up with this any longer. i am going to resign, i am going to find a better job and i`m going to pray like i`ve never prayed before for my friend.

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taking charge

On September 10, 2003, in work, by keifel

my employer wants to be me more responsible in the office. the take charge, go to, guy.

i can`t say i`m not that sort of person, but i`m singularly uninspired to do so at my office. what am i doing in taking charge in my own life. on monday i applied for a job in jamaica, that i`m highly qualified for. yes, my years of experience, my multiple skills do count for something. i got a fairly positive vibe as well, which in turn has given me the ego boost i need to get through this week.

you should be careful what you wish for, i asked for pain and now i`ve got a wisdom tooth bugging the hell out of me. not at all fun, i should have specified.

i`m going to be specific now, i want this job. i want it so badly i can taste it.

why? it seems like a challenge and the firm has a good reputation. jamaica is a non-stop flight from atlanta, which means i can see vic a lot more frequently.

there are a couple of cons – the cost of living, the crime situation. i`m living on less money here that i have in a long time, i think i can find a budget that works and i`m already living somewhere with a crime situation that`s getting out of hand.

i want this job and i want your help, those of you that do, pray for me to get this job, those of you that don`t, send something positive my way for this job. thanks.

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any day now

On September 9, 2003, in news, work, by keifel

so know we know why our application is taking so long to process.

but you know what? fuck it. all things in due course. vic may be up for a promotion and i applied for a job which i`m actually qualified for and may pay that half a peanut more. and it would mean that i`m physically closer to her.

yeah, we`ll still be separated by a couple thousand miles, but it will be a couple thousand less.

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i tend to approach each day with child like glee. it`s what makes going to work and most days bearable. i suppose child like is a stretch with a mouth like mine, but i try to make work fun.

there are moments in the office where my co-workers believe i`ve lost my mind, but what would you think if you saw your 6` 2″ creative director frolicking across the floor.

i need to do it more often.

it doesn`t get in the way of my work. it just something i do, it also makes me seem less intimidating. more like the big teddy bear i am.

and yes i am a big teddy bear, i wouldn`t hurt a fly. i`m loving, friendly, fiercely loyal but a right bastard when i pushed.

i`ve lost my initial train of thought, if i actually had one.
my suggestion to you, is go out today and make yourself happy. enjoy the day.

 

all pain is relative

On September 8, 2003, in ink, personal, by keifel

i have eight tattoos and 4 piercings.

the piercings are all standard, two in my left ear, one in my right and my tongue. i`ve had my ears pierced since the 80s. it seems funny to say that, but i`ve had my ears pierced almost half my life.

i did them at different points over the period of a year, much to my mother`s chagrin, but by the time she realised they had been done, they were healed.

the tongue was and is my last piercing. i have no desire to do anywhere else. i had it done in london just over 3 years ago. the immediate pain was like biting my tongue and for the days following i lived on soup, spaghetti and other easily swallowed food all chased by my ever present companion listerine.

most people don`t know my tongue is pierced, i don`t click, i don`t lisp and i don`t play with it in public. i like to believe my piercing is functional, not decorative.

my first tattoo was a mouse done in my apartment by a guy with a needle, it wasn`t very attractive and i`m proud to say it`s since been covered by the moon on my right bicep.

my first real tattoo was a 13″ sun on my right shoulder blade. it took three sittings to complete. i spent most of the first sitting fighting back the tears with the bene gesserit mantra, however towards the end of the sitting some girl walked in and completely broke my concentration. i finally broke down and cried.

the second and third sitting, as well as the moon on my bicep and my daughter`s name in sanskrit was a walk in the park. i had learned the joy of pain.

the first prick of the needle is always unexpected, but after a while the hum of the machine, the smell of ink and blood and the sting of your skin becomes quite comforting. i think that`s what makes tattoos so addictive.

originally the theme of my ink was stellar. the sun on my back, the moon on my bicep, a comet on left forearm. but it changed somewhere along the line. it`s more about permanence. the ourobus on my right forearm is a symbol of fertility and the infinite. the waves at the base of my spine are off my wedding band.

i`m in the process of doing a new piece which is somewhat indicative of the confusion and frustration in my life now. it hasn`t been titled yet. i feel the need to get back to it.