CunningLinguist

i got up this morning smiling. i`ve been having the same dream for the last two nights. although it`s less of a dream and more of a recognition of an event to occur. this is not an uncommon occurrence for me, i`ve just learned to accept them for what they are.

there is one interesting detail of the trip i failed to mention, but i`m playing this one close to my chest, i`m afraid, i`ll jinx it. so as more details emerge i`ll keep you posted.

btw if you`re ever in antigua, you should check out the sticky wicket restaurant, they serve the most divine chocolate cake. it was melt in your mouth moist, rich dark chocolate. go on, try it.

i love you vic

for you:

How sweet it is to be loved by you

How sweet it is to be loved by you

(repeat and fade):

How sweet it is to be loved by you

How sweet it is to be loved by you

have a good day all. adieu.

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antigua, sticky wicket restaurant

i`ve just recounted to someone how vic and i met and it prompted me to go read old emails and ims.

vic and i met online at nerve.com, and this in a nutshell is our tale…

for about 7 weeks we im`d. 8 – 10 hours a day, everyday. then i flew to miami, spent 22 hours on a bus. got to knoxville, worried that she would see me and run away. she came and picked me up at the bus station and smiled. i knew it then, actually i knew it before i got there, but it was just confirmation. i stayed an extra week. i didn`t tell her i loved her when i was leaving because i was afraid of what it would mean. afraid it wouldn`t work out… went to see another friend and came up with all kinds of reasons it would work. trying to convince myself. i couldn`t. went back in november, had a job interview in december, took a job in naples in january, drove 11 hours the first weekend i was there from naples, fl to knoxville to propose. we got married in barbados last january. we`ve seen each other twice since then. once in london last october and then last week.

just wanted to share.

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relationships, wyf, personals, nerve.com

the next holiday that’s long enough for vic to come visit is thanksgiving. thanksgiving is 5 months away. it’s going to be a travel nightmare, i would much rather be beginning our own thanksgiving ritual, but if that’s not happening, i’m going to be working my ass off to get vic and julian her and back safely for the 5 days.

i’m going to take the inspiration, the happiness, the racing of my heart every time i think of you and focus it on getting us together. this is a powerful force. i believe in our love. this week is difficult to say the least, but i’m holding on to last week, the memories, the incredible joy and contentment of being in your presence. you will get me through this, as you’ve gotten me through the last 10 months.

I LOVE YOU VICTORIA.

there are no mountains high enough, no billboards big enough, not enough hours in the day, to proclaim how much i love you. thank you for sharing my life.

a number of songs keep running through my head, foremost among them is bed’s too big without you i fell asleep eventually last night, although i kept rolling over and vic wasn’t there.

i need to stop crying, i know i need to, but i can’t. i cried myself to sleep and woke up in tears. i have no idea how i’m getting through this day.

and the answer is right here:

Never knew I could feel like this

Like I’ve never seen the sky before

I want to vanish inside your kiss

Every day I’m loving you more and more

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sings

Telling me to give you everything

Seasons may change, winter to spring

But I love you until the end of time

Come what may

Come what may

I will love you until my dying day

we will prevail. we will be together. it will not be another 10 months.

i just took off the bandana vic left, and one of her hairs was in it. i’ve been out for a while, i’m trying to read and it’s a book vic left. there was an afternoon when we just curled up on the couch and read. i knew i was in love with victoria the moment i laid eyes on her, it had been building over our daily conversations but there i was tired and rumpled after a 22 hour bus ride and she smiled at me and i was hers. she introduced me to new authors, shared her love of food. and our love has grown, stronger, more expansive by the day. the ease of our interaction, our shared thirst for knowledge, our love of language,  her smile, her lovely laugh.

i miss vic so much. i’m afraid to go to bed. i don’t want to  face my bed alone. i’m waiting to get her email to know that she’s home and safe. tomorrow and the following day, i’m out all day on location shooting. i’m not sure how likely that is considering it’s mostly outdoor and it’s the rainy season, it’s been raining almost everyday. which reminds me about being in the apartment with vic and the rain beating on the roof.

vic i want you here. i want to be where you are. i just want you by my side.

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wyf

vic left this morning. and i was missing her from the moment she walked away from me through the gate. i won’t let it be another 10 months before i see her again. the last 10 days have been great [and no, it wasn’t just the sex], it was great to see vic, talk to her face to face, fall asleep next to her, wake up and see her face. i’m afraid to let the tears come because i don’t know if i can stop. i’m trying to hold on the joys of the last couple of days, but already this feel of lonliness is washing over me.

i’m trying to catch up on all the people on my faves list, but i don’t feel like doing much of anything. i miss vic so much already.

Baby, yes
Until the end of time
I’ll be there 4 U
U own my heart and mind
I truly adore U
If God one day stroke me blind
Your beauty I’d still see
Love is 2 weak 2 define
Just what U mean 2 me

4 all time I am with U
U are with me
(until the end of time)
U are with me, U are with me

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travel, wyf