i just typed an entire post in ijournal before i logged and when i did it disappeared, under normal circumstances i would be pissed, but fuck it. i just faxed off a quote for a web development job, hopefully it comes through and i have some cash to squirrel away.
i’m working on good karma, i call santo domingo tomorrow, i need all that i can muster. it’s been 6 months 2 weeks since i’ve seen victoria and before that 8 months. this is not even marginally funny. it hurts physically and emotionally.
i will not go another 8 months before i see her again. i will not. this is not a tantrum, this is my mantra. one way or another i will see her, i will be with her by june. we will prevail.
i tried for positive karma today and i succeeded. i had a great day today. i got to work late, took a long lunch, spent 3 hours looking for pictures and left promptly at 4:30, still got everything i needed to done.
i think it’s a good sign when the first thing you see on television is monty python. the last thing i heard as i was heading out the door was the parrot sketch, i kept that with me all day.
i’m about to read the mail and all the news for the day so my mood may change but i think not. i may get upset, but i’m still on emotional and physical high. it’s mostly hormonal but the key is to ride it as long as possible.
be back in a bit, with the news and views.
as you can tell i’m in a really good mood this morning. i’m getting ready for work, there is monty python on the tv and all seems right in the world.
well not quite, but i’m working on generating positive karma.
i’m off to my airconditioned job. i post later and let you know how my grasp of positivity goes.
but on an entirely distressing note, take a read of this (it’s a ny times article so you may have to sign up, but again it’s free)
i tried to nap this afternoon, but it was too hot. tried to do some work this evening, but it was too damn hot. even at 8pm, it feels like 31C (87F) i would give my arm for air conditioning, it’s one of the reasons i enjoy going to work, it’s got a/c
and with my body on a rampage, the heat is not helping. i gave up on the aqua erotica, although the concept of a waterproof erotica book rocks.
i finished kathryn harrison’s the binding chair this morning and i should get back to the richard brautigan but it is national masturbation month so i’m starting aqua erotica edited by mary anne mohanraj instead. it’s a formula one sunday so i’ve been up since 7:30 watching the spanish grand prix.
what is it about depression and horniness. i seemed to have risen out of my funk, but now i’m incrdedibly horny. masturbation is a relief but it that’s about it. there is no joy in it anymore. and i’m orally fixated and there is really no substitute for that is there.
i’m supposed to go to a birthday party tonight but i’m wondering have i already partied too much on friday and do i need to go and see all these happy couples?
i’ve just made an observation watching F1, a lot of the ads are for hair loss products. i understand the car ads, the new porsche SUV (more on that in a minute) ads for upcoming stuff on the channel, but what are they saying, F1 fans are a bunch of middle aged guys who are losing their hair?
which brings me to the porsche SUV, what is the market for that? what is the point of it? as if there aren’t enough status symbols in the world do we need this? or i could just be jealous that i can’t afford one? what’s next a ferarri family sedan?
i didn’t stay in last night, my ex wife encouraged me to get out of the house and to come to a gig her bf was playing. (side note: in between all the drinking i did hear him play and he’s quite talented. he started the set with some cover tunes but then finished with a set of originals.) it was mostly to prevent me from staying at home and drinking alone (which is always a bad sign), so i went out and drank, drank myself fucking stupid. 2 jack daniels & coke, 4 southern comfort & sprite, 2 beers and the shot of tequila that was the final nail in the coffin.
somehow i managed to stagger home and collapse into bed. i’d never experienced a hangover before today… oh my god, i swore i’d never drink again but we know how long these promises last. i’ll probably never drink to excess again.
which brings me to another point, is it just me, but if you’re drinking with friends, aren’t you the least bit concerned about how they’re getting home? i lurched away from a table full of people and no one seemed the least concerned how i was getting home, not a peep.
anyway i got home and i recovered…
recovered enough to go see x2, as a matter of fact. which was great, had a blast, i loved it. actually planning on going to see it again.
so in a nutshell was my day. i’m still battling the after effects of that massive bout of drinking so i’m going to get something to eat, put my feet and watch spiderman on tv
and i’m back.
the rain stopped the nanosecond i stepped out the door. but i have very idle friends who are trying to cheer me up with some of the surreal stuff that’s all over the internet…
and then i read this which appeals to me greatly, so slowly but surely my mood is improving. i may not even have to sit and drink alone on my porch tonight.
well, it appears that the dry season is now officially over. i’m sitting here listening to the rain beat a tattoo on the roof. i love the rain, the sound on the roof, the smell of hot asphalt after the rain falls, cars swishing by in the wet.
it hasn’t done anything for the heat, it’s still sweltering here. now we’re just hot and wet.
good vibes has updated the masturbation month page, the theme this year is “I’d rather be masturbating.”, cute although i’m indulging because i’m not getting any, although mutual masturbation is quite lovely.
can anyone explain to me why in this day and age, it still takes anything to three weeks to get from one end of the caribbean to another or why in an organisation the siz and scope of the INS or as it’s now known, the department of homeland security immigraiton division, why there aren’t back up systems?
you can’t tell me where my application is because the system is down?
what the fuck is that? and you don’t know when it will be back up?
and i can’t get pissed off at these people, because they hold my fucking life in their hands. i don’t even know if it’s safe to vent online.
sigh, i’m going to play in the rain, something has to make this day better.
i took the day off, cause i wasn’t feeling well and i’m cruising the usual places, reading and trying to keep my head up and then i come across stuff like this…
one of the reasons i’ve wanted to leave trinidad is to give my daughters greater opportunities, but of late, it seems that the rights of women are being eroded more and more with each passing day. i remember seeing this article a couple weeks ago and sighing heavily but this latest statement affects the international community as well. if you don’t go to the link, here is the crux of the matter:
“The American delegation joined with Iran, Pakistan, Sudan, Libya and others in efforts to delete a phrase – included in previously agreed-upon UN statements dating back a decade – that calls on countries to condemn violence against women and “refrain from invoking any custom, tradition or religious consideration” to avoid the obligation to stop the violence.
It joined objections to a passage about women in armed conflict, aligning itself with fundamentalist regimes in trying to change a reference to “forced pregnancy” – listed along with murder, rape, systematic rape and sexual slavery as by-products of war and societies emerging from conflict. The term “forced pregnancy” is seen by some anti-abortion groups as a pretext for promoting abortion.
“I don’t think we’re aligning ourselves with countries who have bad records on human rights,” said Ellen Sauerbrey, a former Republican candidate for Maryland governor and President George W. Bush’s chief representative to the commission.”
it goes on but you’ll have to read it for yourself and draw your own conclusions.
in my other reading, i came across a tidbit about excessive polictical correctness in a LA Times review of The Language Police (you may need to subscribe, but it’s free)
i’m going to watch er, maybe that will cheer me up
may is national masturbation month. if you’re appalled, too fucking bad, move on. if you’re interested read on…
“Good Vibrations began celebrating National Masturbation Month in 1995 because we wanted to highlight the importance of masturbation for nearly everyone: it’s safe, it’s healthy, it’s free, it’s pleasurable and it helps people get to know their bodies and their sexual responses. Of all the kinds of sex people can have, masturbation is the most universal and important, yet few people talk about it freely — worse, many people still feel it is “second best” or problematic in some way. National Masturbation Month lets us emphasize how great it is: it’s natural, common and fun!”
good vibrations haven’t updated their page for this year yet, but here is the url for further details
there is also the masturbate for peace website, which i can’t be bothered to look for right now but i’m sure you all know how to use google and yahoo.
