Archives For personal

when the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

February 21, 2005 — Leave a comment

HST is gone. and it`s affecting me more than i expected.

the first thing of his i ever read was the Great Shark Hunt and from that moment i was hooked. i wanted to write like that when i grew up, i still do. my interest and understanding of American football and politics were pretty much shaped by his writing.

i think if i hadn`t just read Hey Rube, i wouldn`t been as affected, reading it just reminded me how much i admire his writing and now there is no more.

there is nothing new from my two favourite writers; one fairly prolific, the other constantly plagued by writer`s block; except, ironically, for movies based on their works later this year.

some time later and i think i`m a little close to figuring out why HST`s death bothers me so much; he was my icon of American journalism and now that he`s gone what hope is there left for the rest of us.

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i’d like to teach the world to sing

February 21, 2005 — Leave a comment

during one of the days i was home sick i started and finished Nick Hornby`s Songbook which reads like the linear notes to a rather eclectic mix tape. it got me thinking about my own musical tastes and how music affects my life.

i can`t function without music; there is music playing when i go to sleep at night and it`s what wakes me in the morning. i listen to it in the car, while i`m working, even as i type this there is something playing.

i`m willing to give anything a listen once. i like classical, particularly stuff that builds and i love the marriage of classical and rock.

i`ll finish this later.

Hunter Stockton Thompson is dead. of a self inflicted gunshot wound, no less. god damn it.

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down for the count

February 16, 2005 — Leave a comment

it`s official, i have the flu. i went to the dr yesterday and scared the crap out of the triage nurse with 103.1 fever. so it`s bed rest and medication for me for the rest of the week.

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highway robbery and other stepping stones to the american dream

February 14, 2005 — Leave a comment

as part of my change of status application to the USCIS i had to do a medical, not at a doctor of my choosing, but at an authorised `Civil Surgeon`.

i called the help line on Friday  to get the list of doctors i could go see and this is where it started to get surreal. for my zip code there are only three of these civil surgeons and one of them is actually an hour`s drive away. that was just out of the question, so i decided to try my luck with the two in my immediate vicinity.

i called one office and started to make an appointment, but thought it would be prudent to check the cost first. it`s a good thing i don`t have heart problems, the cost of the medical was more than the cost of filing the paperwork. the second doctor wasn`t much better but it was less, but there was a reason for that, i had to go somewhere else to get an x-ray which was another charge.

now what`s criminal about this is that this isn`t the soul source of income for either of these doctors. and if they find anything wrong with you all they are supposed to do is recommend you to your regular physician for corrective measures.

as for the medical itself i`m still livid. i spent more time driving to and from the appointment and getting x-rayed. i get there ready to pay and am told, we don`t take credit/debit cards, so i have to go find and ATM take out an obscene amount of cash and bring it back. when i return a nurse takes my blood pressure; which for some reason is high, go figure and draw a vial of blood to be tested; but not before i am forced to sign a document stating that if i test positive for HIV, i`ll give them another $100 for mandatory retesting. the incompetent nurse then jabs me in a way that has my upper arm numb for the rest of the afternoon and sends me in to the exam room, where the doctor; and i use the term loosely; spends more time making idle chit-chat that conducting an exam. this is no lie, if the exam lasted 90 seconds i would be surprised. do you know the pre-exam the nurse or intern gives you when you go to a doctor for the first time; check for pupil response, check your throat, feel your abdomen, your breath sounds and have you cough? that was it. how many hundreds of dollars for an exam that could have been done by a nurse practitioner.

what the fuck? that`s criminal and they can get away with it because they are sanctioned by the USCIS, there is no way to opt out of the medical. these people are worse than the vultures that traffic people across the borders, at least you know what kind of lowlife you`re dealing with there. these people are hiding behind sanction and recognition and robbing you blind.

did i mention that if i don`t get an appointment for an interview within a year, i`m going to have to go through this process again. nice scam they got going there isn`t it? and the odds of my getting an interview in a year, not fucking likely. below is the processing time for Memphis office where my application will be processed.

I-485 Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status June 30, 2002

the date in bold is the date from which applications are currently being processed. you do the math.

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easy come, easy go

February 11, 2005 — Leave a comment

i got paid today and for one brief shining moment it looked like we would have something left over for us to treat ourselves. that moment soon passed but not entirely.

we`re actually pretty good financially this week but there are some blips on the horizon, starting with the USCIS required medical this afternoon and then a colposcopy for vic later this month; neither of which are covered by health insurance. well mine isn`t and vic only has major medical now.

we also need to make a major grocery run, we`re out of a lot of basic stuff. plus, what happens when your wife works in a book store and you`re both book lovers? you buy lots of books. well you take lots of book and try to make sure the account is paid off. we`ve been pretty good about not abusing the account and the discount so far, but i went on a bit of spree this week and ordered three book and picked up another three in the store. slowly but surely my amazon wishlist is getting whittled down. this week i got Nick Hornby`s Songbook, the Jon Stewart America book and the new Hunter S. Thompson; Hey Rube, still on order is From Hell, Erotique Noire and The Mammoth book of Sex Diaries. that i think is our entertainment/treat budget right there.

at least we have an entertainment/treat budget right?

also out the door was the tax return. which i`m very proud of myself for. i e-filed this morning and should get a response in the next 24-48 hours ensuring that i`ve done everything correctly and this should be the only year with all the specific complications like declaring foreign income. hopefully all the returns forward should be simpler.

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year of the cock

February 10, 2005 — Leave a comment

in the intricacies of my mind the fact that Year of the Cock and Lent began on the same day is mildly amusing. my mind works in strange ways.

while i was showering this morning i had a draft for this brilliant treatise that was going to tie the penis and lent together and as i sit here, my mind is a complete and utter blank. inspiration is fickle at best.

i`m going to take this opportunity to express my shock and my continued presence in JS top ten especially as i`m not as high i`m going to get. being #3 today is an anomaly cause by the googlebots. i`m grateful for the new readers, especially those that have taken the time to back track through the almost two years of my ramblings. and thank you to the regular readers who continue to put up with me even when i don`t have a point, like today.

PS:

for trini`s jonesing for that taste of carnival, BBC Radio 1 xtra, has The Alternative Concept available to listen to as a real audio stream in the carnival section.

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been there, done that, used the t-shirt to wash my car

February 2, 2005 — Leave a comment

next week is carnival in Trinidad. actually as we speak frenzied preparations are ongoing, there are fetes every night this week leading up to the two day orgy of excess that carnival is. by this time next week, the streets will be swept and the penitent will be lining in churches all over the country to receive their ashes.

and i`m missing it.

well i`m not really missing it, i think i`m missing the idea of being in Trinidad for carnival, particularly since this is the second successive one and at the rate the USCIS does things it may be at least two more years before i get to experience another.

it`s not like there are new things to be experienced. i`ve been involved in carnival in one form or another since i could walk. my mother; surprise of surprises; used to be this huge carnival junkie and every year, we`d pack  the Mini full of food early on J`ouvert morning to watch ole mas and the other J`ouvert competitions, on Tuesday the process would be repeat for the `pretty` mas only this would be an all day event. i can`t remember if my mother was responsible for my school bring out a band or if there was one before that and she just took charge, but every year of my primary school education the weekends before the actual two days of carnival were filled with various children`s parades. in my high school years i wasn`t a direct participant, i would accompany my mother reluctantly to go see the parade of the bands but i was really interested.

after high school however, i discovered the joys of mas making and mas camps and helped make costumes. i also discovered the joys of feteing and actually playing mas as adult. i`ve partied the entire week before carnival, followed a band around just for the music for two days, followed a band around for the sole purpose of taking photos, built an ubiquitous carnival magazine, slept through j`ouvert, worked during carnival while people were feteing outside.

i really have been there and done that and got the t-shirt, so there is nothing specifically that i`m missing besides the ability to decide how involved i want to be this year.

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Trust No One

February 1, 2005 — Leave a comment

yesterday the boychick came home with an assignment that required him to discuss with his family reasons that people would be unhappy with the government.

after laughing hysterically on the couch for a couple of minutes, i tried honestly to have a discussion with him. actually i didn`t but vic vetoed my first title for his essay; Ignorance is Strength, War is Peace, Knowledge is Slavery, she also vetoed my second suggestion; Trust no one; but i decided i`d use that today.

i found it interesting that even at age 9, the boychick had learned how useful self censorship is already, i wish he could teach me. i tend to say what i think regardless of the consequences. it was also kind of sad that the first thing i told him after i`d finished laughing that was that governments couldn`t be trusted.

i`ve come to realise that no matter how noble the intentions, there are two inherent problems with governments; they are massive bureaucracies and to get into power in a `democratic` society requires compromise. i put democratic in quotes because there are no true democracies, as much as we`d like to believe it, the voice of the people means squat. to get elected requires lots of money and since campaign contributors are not giving money for altruistic reasons, they want to see a return on their investment. so at the end of the day our elected officials are not beholden to the voters, but to the campaign contributors. and the problem with bureaucracies is once they get entrenched they are almost impossible to implement change. on the surface it looks like things are being changed but on a day to day basis, it`s business as usual, because the people entrenched therein know governments and policies will change but their jobs are pretty much guaranteed.

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it’s all relative

January 31, 2005 — Leave a comment

i`m early this morning and with enough time to post no less. vic had to go into work at some ridiculous hour; ye olde pot & pannery is doing inventory today.

i have at least half hour before the boychick needs to be officially away and at least an hour before we have to get out of the house. on most days, the alarm hasn`t even gone off by now, much less for the second or third snooze. there are some advantages to where we live. three blocks from the school and a brisk 35 minute walk to the office.

as i sit here thinking about how early it is and watch the slowly lightening sky, i realise that i know people in London that already halfway into their day already, in Trinidad, people are already late for work if they`re still reading this at home. relativity is an interesting concept. i think it`s what`s keeping me sane right now.

i`ve been edgy all weekend, i`m ready for a change, not in my personal life, but i think i want a new job, i`m not entirely thrilled with the one i have now; but by comparison, my current employer isn`t in the top three worse bosses i`ve had and i stuck their shit much longer.

my inability to leave the country is worrying me, i`m worrying about my daughters; there is only so much you can do over the phone, i`m worrying about money; am i making enough? will i ever make enough to not have to worry about it?

i`m not entirely without perspective. people are doing the same and more on what i`m making, they have less of a support system, etc, etc, etc. at the end of the day it is all relative but where you`re inside it`s hard to observe the bigger picture.

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spin, spin, sugar

January 28, 2005 — Leave a comment

my mother and grandmother have issues with each other. and the fact that they have been living together for the last 16 years hasn`t actually helped matters.

my mother has never forgiven her mother for abandoning her as a child and my grandmother has never forgiven my mother from dragging her away from everything and everyone she knew to live in Trinidad. and on this basis the two of them are constantly bickering. a fight of epic proportions the first year that my grandmother was in Trinidad effectively ruined Christmas for me as an adult.

there are cycles to the bickering and they tend to behave when i`m around or when my girls are, however since my departure things have gotten worse and worse. i have believed; probably idealistically; that the bickering was keeping them alive. the fact that they had each other to antagonise gave them the will to wake up each morning.

now that is about to change and i`m worried that i may not see one of both of them alive again. my mother is unable to deal with my grandmother anymore is putting her in a home. and before you pass judgement, bear in mind that mother just turned 70 and my grandmother is in her 90s. my grandmother is mostly bedridden; but of her own volition. i don`t disagree with the decision but i worry about how they are going to make out without each other.

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