CunningLinguist

by the time i finish typing this, it will be exactly two weeks until i land in dc on my way to nashville.

as productive as i was yesterday, today, i`m just twiddling my thumbs, i can`t focus on work, i don`t even want to be in the office.

i want to be with vic, kissing her.

i want the simplest of things, really i just want to be able to fall asleep next to vic every night and get up next to her in the morning. everything else will work itself out.

and now we have a date, a time, a moment that we can begin with the simple things. mornings and evening, birthdays, holidays. doing something, sitting around doing nothing. we`ll be able to choose. there is no packing up and going `back` to anywhere, for either of us.

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wyf

there is a cycle of arousal i go through. it`s not that i don`t always want vic, it`s just there are times like now that the need reaches a fever pitch.

my skin tingles with the thought of her, i can almost smell her and at times i do, only to realise she`s not there. as with almost everything else with us, the cycles intertwine for us.

this was supposed to be our week, vic was supposed to arrive here yesterday to spend a week. things didn`t work that way and with everything else, it is for a purpose. the plans for this week were made before the letter arrive, before the need to buy a ticket of my own.

but that brings up a new sets of wants and desires. it`s been six months. six months with a longing as constant as the tides. six months of soon, soon, soon.

masturbation is more of a pressure release valve, than a true pleasure. but there some, the shared ones, the ones inspired by emails and ims and text messages and remembrances that just for a moment seem to come, at least marginally, close to the intimacy we share.

today is our second anniversary, hopefully our last apart. my truest wish is that we`ll get our anniversary present on tuesday when i call the embassy.

there are not words enough nor minutes, nor hours, day, weeks, year, lifetimes to cover the expanse of my love for you.

i love you victoria. happy anniversary.

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wyf

tonight is full moon and i can feel it in my very soul. it also explain why i`ve been so completely stimulated over the last week.

but as much kittens that have died for the cause, it`s just an outlet. i long  for vic. it is a tangible need.

i`ve found my equal in all things in vic. even over the miles and the months, there is a tie that binds us. part telepathy, part couvade, part biofeedback, it`s just there, we know, we can sense it.

i need to see, touch, hear, smell vic, it`s been too long. i`m not just talking about sexual needs. i`m a tactile person and there is a completeness to having vic in my presence.

it`s about being a unit. i feel like a piece of me is missing.

i love to feel and see vic`s skin against mine. it`s an amazing thing, she`s smooth and soft and our bodies intertwined is not jarring but complementary.

she likes to trace the patterns of my tattoos and i love her hands and her mouth against my skin. we share the same worshipful attitude with each other. the gentle caresses, kisses, touching.

showers are another form of worship, luxuriating in the water, playing, laughing.  vic`s skin flushed with the heat, pressed against mine, water streaming over us.

there are moments when i just sit and look at her, drinking in her beauty. imprinting the image of her in my brain.

one of the things i miss is just lying or sitting next to vic, the feel of her skin next to mine, it`s comforting, arousing, joyous, a complete feeling.

i long to experience that feeling everyday.

the amount of kittens killed this weekend is amazing. particularly in light of the number of waking hours and time i spent in the actually apartment.

on saturday night a friend took me on a small tour of my immediate [at least 10 minutes by car] surroundings which included a visit to emancipation park and the contentiously endowed statues.  i have to say, having seen the statues, i`m not sure what all the furore is about, in terms of scale they appear to be appropriately proportioned. i guess it`s whole concept of a naked penis that seem to throw people.

on sunday, i cleaned and cooked, went to another supermarket, primarily to get out of the apartment but ended up getting some stuff. i found fruta guava pineapple and there was no way i was passing up an opportunity like that.

everything i`ve been doing has been coloured with a longing for vic, i`m enjoying myself here but it`s tempered by the fact that vic isn`t here with me. the physical longing is making it`s presence felt in waking and dreaming moments but it`s more than that, i want to be able to talk to her, i want to her to share my meals, i want to be in her presence. i read her post today and cried.

i`m married to this amazing woman and she wonders if she`s worthy of me, i think it`s the other way around. i`ve done so much shit in my life to be blessed with a woman of her stature. i am honoured.

and my oh my, they are so lovely. it`s been a while since i`ve had one of those vivid dreams. and i`ve missed them.

i`m getting settled in and i`m realising it may be a little while again before i see vic. i priced tickets for everyone getting here for christmas and it wasn`t pretty. bringing the girls up from trinidad is JA$40K and vic and the boy chick is another JA$72K, so i`m realising it`s going have to be done in stages.

that however doesn`t stop the longing. i got up this morning and i could smell vic on the pillow. i want to cook her dinner on my sooty stove, scrunch up in the tiny shower and throw down on one of the single beds and cover her with kisses.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): \”Time porn\” is defined by www.wordspy.com as \”TV shows and other media that portray characters having excessive amounts of spare time, a thing we covet but cannot have.\” \”Seinfeld\” and \”Friends\” are especially obscene examples of this phenomenon. I`m hoping, Virgo, that in the coming weeks you will renounce any attraction you might have to this perverse form of vicarious enjoyment. Instead, fight and claw to procure for yourself the real thing: an abundance of free, unscheduled hours when you can sit around doing nothing in particular.

today is vic`s birthday. this is hopefully the last one we`re spending apart.

i`m a big fan of birthdays and i hate the fact that i can`t do all the things i want to do. i want to wake you, feed you breakfast and take you back to bed.

i love you darling. happy, happy, happy birthday. have a wonderful day. i`ll see you soon.

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wyf

the only disappointing thing about today is that i`m not going to be able to peel vic out of the costume she`s wearing tonight and have my treat later.

halloween is vic`s favourite holiday. and this one just joins all the other milestones we`ve missed thus far. hopefully it will be our last.

vic birthday is next tuesday and i`m working on her very spectacular birthday present. although getting this job is a great present, it`s not what i had in mind. 🙂

i hope you all have fun tonight, adults and your children, whatever your treats are.