Archives For December 2003

you know what that means.

pool.

for the first time in five weeks i got to shoot pool, it was also pt`s birthday and we had company. thus ensuring i had a number of people soundly cut my arse.

it was as bad as i expected. i really need to find a pool partner in kingston, i still had some form, but i could have been better if i`d been playing regularly. there was one game that was damn near perfect.

tomorrow is my last full day here, i`m going to miss everyone but strangely i can`t wait to get back to my apt. more on this tomorrow. i`m  a little beat and not thinking coherently.

return of the king was great. i enjoyed right up to the last fifteen minutes [look away spoiler ahead] when the skipped the battle for the shire.

what the fuck was that about? i was pissed. you have all this fucking arwen eveningstar shit, that don`t get four lines in the book but you cut the battle of the shire. what the fuck?

i guess this means i`m going to have to wait for the extended version on dvd?

otherwise, i was really happy with the rest of the movie. and was it me or was there a whole lot of homo-erotic subtext? actually can it be call subtext when it`s that blatant? a friend of mine who went with tonight said, that we only noticed it because we`re gay. uh huh. right.

i`m going to get some sleep, it`s been a long day and there is more fun with the children tomorrow and hair washing on the agenda.

to be loved

December 25, 2003 — Leave a comment

there is nothing greater than the unconditional love of your children.

they are the reason i came home. i know it`s been only a month, but they`ve grown and it was wonderful to see them. i`ve missed them. i didn`t realised how much i missed my mother as well until we chatted to close to 3am.

it`s good to be home. my fondest wish is for all of us, vic, the boychick, my girls, enjoy christmas together next year.

i`m going to have lunch with my mother now and then off to ROTK tonight.

enjoy the rest of your day.

whatever this time of year finds you celebrating, experiencing or sharing, all the best to you and yours. may you be safe and happy over the next few days and if not happy, at least come back to us as soon as you can.

if you didn`t already know, i`m heading home for christmas with my children, i`ll be back in jamaica on sunday.

have fun, or at least try.

food for thought

December 23, 2003 — Leave a comment

What have you done today that will add an extra day to your life??

i prayed and i offered comfort to someone in need. i don`t think there`s much more than that.

i didn`t always loathe christmas. it wasn`t always a thorn in my flesh. for the first sixteen years of my life, christmas was one of my favourite times of year.

my mother and i would fly from trinidad to jamaica on the first flight after i got my report book at christmas. getting there was always half the adventure. i think on average it would take us between 12 – 14 hours to get from our front door, to my grandparents place. the night of our arrival, i would be exhausted, but spend the evening in my grandfather`s lap [when i was younger] as the adults filled each other in on the year`s events, i would be asleep midway through the gabfest but it always part of the fun to listen to my mother`s jamaican accent reassert itself as she spoke to my grandparents and the cadence of the voices i succumbed to exhaustion.

and i need to get the rest, because the next couple of days were spend in fervent cake preparation. my first official job in the christmas cake preparations was the grinder of fruit. my grandmother believed in soaking her fruits for a year, so we would buy the prunes and raisins and sultans and cherries and i would spend half a morning slicing and grinding the fruits into a large metal tray, next my grandmother would come and add a copious quantity of run and leave it on the sheet of galvanise outside the kitchen window to soak.

then out of the cupboards would come the fruits that i`d ground the year before and the giant pot that all the ingredients were mixed in. as i got older i got to mix the sugar and the eggs and the butter and the flour as my grandmother rinsed her jars and resealed the current years, fruit and alcohol combo therein.

while the batter was being mixed, either my mother or myself would be greasing the pans. most years we would make a minimum of 20 cakes. they were popular. when it came to black cake at christmas, my grandmother was the undisputed champion and not only did we have to take a number back to trinidad with us, there were people who travelled the length and breath of jamaica to get slices of cake and a glass of sorrel at christmas.

my last task in the cake making venture was lighting the oven, just before my bed time i would light the oven and watch as my mother passed pan after pan to my grandmother to put into the oven.

the smell that permeated the house throughout the night and next morning is still my best christmas memory. it was rich, heavenly smell, a combination of hard work, lots of love and the joy of a family tradition.

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right here, right now

December 22, 2003 — Leave a comment

I know we all have things we`d like to accomplish. What are 2 of your short term goals? What are 2 of your long term goals? How likely do you think it is that your goals will be accomplished?

my two short term goals, uniting my family, this hither, thither and yon, is not working and once we`re together i need to know i can provide for them, we need to able to live wherever we choose, comfortably.

long term goals are pretty simple as well a restaurant/bookshop/imprint with vic and for us to live long enough to see our children succeed.

well that’s a bitch

December 22, 2003 — Leave a comment

i just got off the phone with fedex and two other international couriers, apparently i can`t send any food or beverage without a manufacturers code. it`s some requirement from the FDA as part of an increased security protocol.

i love vic and my friends, but this is just fucking ridiculous. i have to unpack the box, find the phone numbers for the companies that i bought stuff from, find someone who actually knows what i`m talking about, get the number or whatever, hope it`s right and then repack and risk it getting turned back because whoever answered the phone three days before christmas just wanted to get rid of me and gave me incorrect information.

hmmmmm, does this sound like a little too much trouble or is it just my lack of christmas spirit showing? whatever the cause, everything is going to stay here until vic gets here.

so on december 21, my christmas shopping officially began. my gift list this year is short. my children, my wife, my mother and the friends that stuck by me this year.

i got trinkets for the girls and my mother at a craft fair this morning, i cruised three different bookstores today looking for a collected LOTR for the girls but was completely unsuccessful, i did however find cookbooks for vic and my friend sam and books for the boy chick and my other girl child [long story].

i`m off to the supermarket, to procure the rest of my gifts. the supermarket you say?

yes, the supermarket. jamaica is the land of blue mountain coffee and hence, that`s what everyone else is getting for christmas, best bought at the supermarket.

it’s been one month

December 20, 2003 — Leave a comment

today is official one month since i`ve been here in jamaica. and i have no complaints, i like my job, i enjoy getting up in the morning and coming to work, i attend far more meetings than i enjoy, but my contributions are accepted and appreciated. i have three major projects on my desk and i`m thrilled to be able to do them. the first of them is being shown to the client on tuesday.

i`ve grown accustomed to my tiny little apartment. i enjoy cooking and taking lunch to work. i`m pretty settled, i know my way around, i can get where i`m going, i know where my job and apartment are in the greater scheme of things.

i`m happy, well happy might be a stretch. i`m content. but there is an overwhelming feeling of isolation, particularly on weekends. weekdays, i have to go to work so i don`t spend the days staring at the four walls. weekends i find myself with too much time on my hands and too many unhappy thoughts.

it`s not being here that has me unhappy, i was unhappy way before got here, it`s the sense of isolation that`s killing me now. i have one friend from the office, but she had a life before i got here and who am i to impose and i have another friend who tries to make sure i don`t lose my mind by getting me out of the house every weekend. and i`m truly grateful but he also has his own stuff going on.

what it boils down to, is i miss vic and being on my own only makes it more acute. i hate whining about this, but there is only so much tv i can watch and so many distractions before i come back to the point where i just on the bed and cry.

i got an invitation to go out this afternoon to go out and be social and i turned it down. i should stop whining and go out and be social, but i don`t want to, i don`t want to meet new people and make friends. i want my wife, i want vic, i want to wake up next to her. i want to be able to talk her all night if the mood strikes us. i don`t want to be without her any more.