it`s been a little over 2 years since i got back to trinidad and i realised today that i`m stilling living out a bag or a box. i have one drawer in the bedroom i occupy, i have a boxful of books, a desk i share with my daughter. everything i own is basically packed or ready for immediate packing. i live with my mother, precluding the need to break a lease. i want to settle down, i want to be able to go to the grocery and stock my cupboards, i want to cook meals, clean house, i want all my books in one place. but above all i want all these things with vic.
there was an afternoon while she was here, where we just lay on the couch reading. nothing else, we both had our books and at various points in the afternoon we`d change positions. it was one of the high points of the visit. i want to be able to do that on a regular basis or just sit and have conversations, face to face about anything that strikes our fancy.
there are a number of suggestions that vic moves here, it`s in the back of my mind, but i think my unhappiness here shows and i don`t know how i`m going to keep it from tainting our lives. i have a job i don`t like in a field that sucks the life out of me here. what can i do to make living here pleasurable and comfortable for us both?
i`m starting to spiral into the pit. i`m going to drop the dvds i borrowed back unwatched and try and find something to pick me up. the weather isn`t helping. i`ve shared my love of the rain with vic and that`s she`s gone, i can no longer enjoy it the way i used to with thinking about her.
[addendum]
i was rereading this post and realised what i have made and kept since i`ve been back. i have been privy to a number people of extraordinary character that i`m honoured to call friends. life is difficult enough, i`ve been blessed enough to have made a number of new friends since my return. online, in person, well meet.
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immigration, wyf
You PERVERT. You are as dirty minded as they cum..
hehe, I knew you would catch that..
How Perverted are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
actually i like to believe that i just have very few hang ups about sexuality.
it`s a race weekend and based on the qualifying it`s going to be an interesting race tomorrow.
anyway i got this from girlunderway, who got it from someone else and so on and so on and so on…
1) Single or Taken: very, very taken
2) Sex: Male
3) Birthday: august 23
4) Sign: virgo on the cusp of leo
5) Siblings: de nada
6) Hair colour: black with bleach blond ends
7) Eye colour: brown
8) Shoe size: 10 if i can get the width, otherwise 11
*~ R e l a t I o n s h I p s ~*
1) Who are your best friends?: lisa/victoria
2) Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend: i`m married
3) If yes, what is their name?: victoria
*~ T h e * E x t r a * S t u f f ~*
1) Do you do drugs: very occasional marijuana
2) what kind of shampoo do you use: usually stuff by bodyshop but when i run out whatever is available
3) What are you most scared of: being alone
4) What are you listening to right now: f1 qualifying commentary
5) What car do you wish to have: subaru impreza
6) Who is the last person that called you: no one has called me since thursday
7) Where do you want to get married: we got married outside close to the beach
8) How many messenger buddies do you have on your list right now?: i use fire [everybody on one list]: 201 in total
9) If you could change anything about yourself: more tolerant towards the less intelligent
*~ F a v o r I t e s ~*
1) Colour: pretty much blue and black, but i`m working with yellow and orange lately
2) What`s your favourite food?: roti, bruschetta, lasange
3) Boy`s names: mark, david
4) Girls names: victoria, katherine
5) Subjects in school: when i was there, english, computers, history
6) Animals?: wolves
7) Sports (to play): volleyball
8) Sports (to watch): formula 1
9) Song right now: weird science – oingo boingo it`s only propaganda – jointpop and the list continues
*~ H a v e Y o u ~*
1) Given anyone a bath: yes
2) been bunjie jumping?: no
3) broken the law?: which law? where? [tries to look innocent]
4) Gone skinny-dipping?: nope
5) Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: oh that was my MO in high school
*~ First * Thing * T h a t * C o m e s * T o * M I n d~*
1) Red: fire engine
2) Cow: steak
3) Socks: dryer
4) Greenland: perfect storm
what`s worse??
1) Stepping in dog crap barefoot or having a bird poop on your head?: bird shit on the head; barefoot in dog crap, ick.
*~ F I n a l * Q u e s t I o n s ~*
1) Do you like filling these out: it`s fun, when i`m in the mood.
2) Gold or Silver: white gold
5) What is the last film you saw at the cinema: bad boys2 [it was bad]
6) favourite cartoon character: Daria, Dogbert, Samuari Jack
7) What do you have for breakfast in the morning: when i can doubles, otherwise cereal
it`s a holiday here and i`m home, listening to the rain fall on the galvanise, there are few sounds more beautiful. i haven`t done memes since i returned and i think this the ideal place to start. [courtesy faymow]
This week`s Filthy Friday Five: Forbidden Anatomy!
1. What is your position on rim jobs? By this, of course, we refer to oral-anal contact.
i enjoy giving and receiving. it`s part of my oral fixation. of course getting clean is part of the fun.
2. Balls: Deserving of more pleasure, or basically unimportant?
Deserving of more pleasure.
3. Have you ever wanted to fuck or be fucked using an unconventional body part, such as feet or armpits? Hands don`t count.
No, not really.
4. Iggy Pop claims he has, but I don`t believe him. Have YOU ever had it in the ear before?
never put anything smaller that your elbow in your ear
5. The prostate: useful for sexual encounters or something that, DEAR GOD, nobody should ever come anywhere near, ever (crosses self)?
If properly stimulated, it`s useful for sexual encounters.
oh hell yes. i see stars, it`s amazing
and the regular friday five:
1. What time do you wake up on weekday mornings?
about 6:30, unless i`m completely exhausted
2. Do you sleep in on the weekends? How late?
my internal alarm doesn`t differentiate, 6:30 – 7, everyday
3. Aside from waking up, what is the first thing you do in the morning?
pee, check my mail
4. How long does it take to get ready for your day?
shower and dress – 25 minutes, not really a breakfast person or i get something on the way in.
5. When possible, what is your favorite place to go for breakfast?
doubles man in st. james
i went to the movies last night with j, who i hadn’t hung out with for a while, she’s always fun and good to shit talk with. we went to see LXG and Bad Boys 2. LXG was entertaining. not great, just entertaining, there were some bright spots and seeing it in a theatre full of illiterates didn’t help. there were a couple of literary in jokes but for the most part it went whooshing over the heads of the masses. however Bad Boys 2 was completely and utter dreck, it seemed forced and uncomfortable and turning into a propaganda film in the last 20 minutes just completely ruined it for me [the masses on the other hand, just completely ate it up], which leads me to believe, i’m too old for mass consumption fare anymore, but i’ll see the trailers and get sucked again and again.
anyway, after the movies [1am, mind you] i dragged j to afterdark. to hang out for a bit with the usual suspects. K leaves in less than 2 weeks, it was after dark’s last night and i owed my 6000th visitor a drink what other reasons did i need to trek off to AD?
i got there, it was hot and packed. j ran into a bunch of people she knew and i saw everyone i came to look for. the low point of the nights events is the sleazy man that tried to pick me up. oh ‘i’m the hottest man there’ [maybe i was, because the a/c was perpetually broke] and he’s bi, his girlfriend is away, his exes are there, blah, blah, blah, blah. and the fucking grabby hands, i don’t mind dancing, i can’t expect to go to AD and not have a man dance with me, but motherfucker, keep your hands to yourself. not under my shirt, not on my ass [well there are conditions and you dancing behind me and trying to cop a feel is not cool] , no crotch grabbing. which brings me to a couple other points, if i want to know what you had in your pants, i’d ask, i have no interest in feeling your tiny semihard dick on my ass, i have no interest in putting my hands on your tiny dick and i most certainly don’t want you copping a feel of my goods. how many times must i move your hands before you get the hint. [thank you, thank you, thank you N, for saving me from that sleazy fucker]
phew needed to get that off my chest.
we left shortly after, i got tired of wondering if sleazy boy would be back and it was after 3am and i was tired. not sure what we’re up to tonight but the rain has started pouring and i think it’s a good plan for me to crawl back into bed.
i’ll be back later. ciao.
Technorati Tags:
movies
i came across this – anna nicole smith show nominated for an emmy [ i know, i know, i`m late, but i`ve been occupied with much more important things]. i managed not run screaming from the building pulling my hair out and read the rest of the story.
and in other news…
congratulations to purpleturtle [she`s in my faves] for being my 6000th visitor. i have a smirnoff ice for you.
heading home now. i`ll post later.
Technorati Tags:
anna nicole smith, emmy, television
[my friend franka emailed this to me recently seeking opinions and being the media whore that i am, i`m passing it along in as many forum as i can muster]
I have an issue for you to ponder and respond to.
The question essentially is “what do women want?”
Last night, I was speaking to a friend who is a recently divorced, highly educated businesswoman who is seeing a man who we could say is an ordinary dude. He`s not her intellectual equal, gives far less than what is expected emotionally and he`s a player but he`s great in bed and extremely romantic.
She shared with me that several other women in her position felt that they preferred that kind of man and not an intellectual equal because “the intellectual men aren`t good at the romantic stuff.”
I have to admit I was surprised, but I wondered if this was how lots of women feel and what do men think about this?
Please feel free to send your thoughts.
[i think that`s a generalisations, but that`s just me.]
My Viking Name is…
Kaðall Goatcatcher
Your Viking Personality: You`re a fearsome Viking, but you aren`t completely uncivilized. The other Vikings make fun of you for that. You have a thirst for battle, and tend to strike first and think later. You might be able to hold your own on the battlefield, but you`re no “berserker”.
A long sea voyage aboard a Viking longboat would be difficult for you, but you might be able to manage it. Other Vikings consider you “one of the guys”.
You have a fairly pragmatic attitude towards life, and tend not to expend effort in areas where it would be wasted. Other Vikings would be calling you “tree-hugging hippie peacenik” if the phrase had been invented.
[got this from littlewashu, who in turn got it from someone else, you know how it goes]
U are V O D K A ! ! You are a very intense person,
who doesnt give a shite what ppl think of them.
You like to party hard and make the most of
life! You can be really intimidating, but
underneath u just wanna have fun!
What alcohol are you? With Pics !
brought to you by Quizilla
[got this from someone, i forgot who, results are kind of odd, cause i don`t drink vodka anymore – long story about black russians and puking and falling asleep on a bar]
and one more before i try to do some work for the day, can remember where i got this one either
i went to bed fairly early last night [well by usual standards – being in bed before 9pm is early]. tried to read for a while and then passed out. k passed to take me out liming, i`d forgotten i`d called, i had to beg off, i was that tired. that said, almost 11 hours sleep and i`m still tired. i could crawl back into my bed and sleep all day. sadly i can`t, two days out of the office and there are small conflagrations for me to deal with. at least tomorrow is a holiday. i have an entire day to myself.
i should get going, the quicker i get there, the quicker i can leave. i`ll be back later with some entertainments.
i`m tired and i`m hungry. it`s been a long day, we only photographed one quarry today but i think it`s enough. i was supposed to do the other tomorrow but i`m too tired and my boss` cheapness is again going to cost us more money. while i was off doing location shooting my boss sent off the copywriter to do aerial photography with the digital camera. i was against the idea from the very beginning, my anger about this is compounded by the fact that not only are the pictures crappy, they`re low res crap. now i`m either going to have to reshoot myself [something i`m completely not looking forward to] or spending another day out with the photographer doing the aerials [after i lied of embarassment, not wanting him to know what my boss was doing]
vic coincindentally is off on a shoot of her own this evening. i`m hoping i can stay up til she gets home. i miss her so much, i`m kind of grateful i`ve had so much to do. it`s helping not to dwell on the loneliness.
my mother`s behaviour is not helping either, ever since i got back home on monday my mother has been behaving arsey, she`s muttering and answering me curtly. i love her, but there are times when i find it very hard to like her. today is her birthday, yesterday i get a question like `are you doing anything for my birthday?`
umm… love, i sent you to see carnival messiah on monday, tickets are expensive. this makes me seem mean and cheap, but i`m not, not really. it`s just the tone and the attitude. she know she`s going to hit me up for money and i`m going to give it to her. she knows i had a shoot all day today. she knows all of this but still…
there are times when i think it would be cheaper to rent a furnished apartment. i`ve had to point out to my mother on more than one occasion, just because i`m an artist with access to a printer that doesn`t mean i can print some up whenever the need arises.
my food has arrived, i`m going to eat. maybe just maybe, i can find a happy place this evening
Technorati Tags:
photo shoot, mother, carnival messiah
