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Yearning to be free…

January 28, 2017

I didn’t emigrate to the US out of fear or to escape an oppressive regime. I emigrated for love, and I jumped through a lot of hoops. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to wait on the slowly turning wheels of bureaucracy while in fear for your life.

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be a light in the darkness

December 25, 2016

whatever you are celebrating this time of year or even if you’re not celebrating, it is worth remembering the intent of the season – light triumphing over the darkness. 

be a light in the darkness, for yourself, for someone else, for your community. as dark as it may seem even a tiny light may help bring others to you or merely help you see you’re not alone in the dark.

happy holidays.

As I type this a woman named Elaine is laying in a hospital bed, unresponsive, her kidneys are failing and she is intubated. I suppose I should call this person my mother but the tiny frail body I put into care six weeks ago wasn’t my mother and what’s left laying in a hospital bed now is even less of her.

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all pain is relative

June 16, 2016

A year ago, I awoke in less pain that I had been in for the previous six and a half months. A year ago today was the first day after a surgery to correct my hip impingement. You would imagine that having a surgeon shaving off portions of bone would leave you in an excruciating amount of pain, you would be correct but as I’ve always stated, all pain is relative.

From January 1 to June 15, I spent my every waking moment in an incredible amount of pain. The kind of pain you could see in my face. Sitting, standing, moving, I hurt. In my first visit to the doctor after the surgery his comment to me was, I’m surprised you could function, most people with that amount of build-up in the joint are generally immobile. I dealt with the pain for six months with mostly OTC pain meds and the day after surgery coming off the minimum dosage of prescribed pain killers I immediately felt better.

Now it’s a year later and I still get twinges when I overdo it or as the weather changes but it’s better and I am truly grateful.

Today was not a particularly good day for me, at least in terms of pain.

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Animal Themes

January 18, 2016 — Leave a comment

Today is my 14th wedding anniversary and as expected with birthdays and anniversaries, it’s always a time of reflection. We spent the first two years of our marriage apart and a few days before we officially began our lives together I posted this:

vic and i are not living in a fairy tale and we know that. things are not going to be peachy and perfect all the time. we both have our off days, luckily we seem to have them when we can provide the most support to each other.

we`re both strong willed people and we`re both accustomed to doing things a certain way, we`re sure it`s going to take some getting used to. 

what we have going for us, is our ability to talk about anything without discomfort or contention. we expect there will be problems, but we also thing we can sit and talk about them and work them out. there are going to be external forces to deal with as well, but we will try and work those out in the safest possible manner for us and that`s a family us.

we`re going to try and deal with each day as it comes. we have shared long term goals that we`ll be working towards when i get settled. in the interim, it`s about learning to live with each other and getting comfortable sharing a physical space.

i know it`s not going to be perfect all the time but i think if we abide the rule to not go to bed angry, i think we can face whatever challenges come up, together.

It’s been 12 years since I wrote that and in that time we’ve faced a number of challenges and seem to come out stronger and better for it. Thank you Victoria for choosing to make this journey with me. I’m looking forward to more adventures with you.

days between when I first experienced hip pain and surgery to resolve said pain: 165

days since my surgery: 200

days without any kind of hip pain: 0

days since we moved to Knoxville: 127

days at my new store: 116

days until graduation: 127

days until classes start: 18

credits needed to graduate: 10

number of classes being taken: 3

may the numbers be in your favor.

Below is a gallery of the scopes from my surgery. Starting with the initial scope to the Dr. repairing my labrum (if you look at the slide show, it’s the blue thread), then going in and removing the tissue built up in my hip joint and sculpted my hip socket.

Tempus Fugit

June 17, 2015 — Leave a comment

From all appearances, my surgery was a success. I was out before I even got into the operating room, my last recollection was the nurses wheeling me out of the room. Five hours later my labrum had been repaired, my femur sculpted and excess built up tissue removed from my hip joint.

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for the first time in years i am without any jewelry. no earrings, no wedding band, no watch.  I’m sitting in the lobby of st. thomas surgicare waiting to get called back for my third surgery ever. of the three, this is both the most complicated; repair my labrum and cartilage in my hip and re-sculpt the ball of my femur and the bowl it rests in; and the least invasive; the whole procedure is done via three smallish incisions in my hip.

although this is outpatient surgery they are putting me under and looking at the consent form I think the order of possible side effects may be a little skewed.

Anesthesia Consent Form

Personally I would reorder 11-13.