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“A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value – you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapours; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine soredly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini raft down the slow heavy river Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mindboggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can`t see it, it can`t see you – daft as a brush, but very ravenous); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

More importantly, a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitch hiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost”. What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is is clearly a man to be reckoned with.”

– from The Hitchhiker`s Guide to the Galaxy

towel day was intended to mark the passing of Douglas Noel Adams in a manner befitting him. it was intended to occur a week after his passing but in the ways of the world ended up being two. so May 25 is Towel Day.

I thought I would stay up after I got home from the midnight showing to write my review while it was fresh in my mind, but then I thought I wasn`t going to say anything new and if the turnout last night at the movie theatre was any indication, there were more fervent worshippers at the altar of the force than I. Episode III: Revenge of the Sith is the sixth film in George Lucas` epic space opera; Star Wars, however chronologically it precedes the original Star Wars movie; now named Episode IV: A New Hope; released in 1977. Ep. III: ROTS, chronicles the fall of the Jedi Knights and the rise of the Galactic Empire and the consummate villain, Darth Vader.

Let`s get this clear, I did enjoy the movie, but i had to make certain allowances; Hayden Christensen still can`t act his way through a moist towelette, Natalie Portman wasted in ugly costumes and George Lucas` inability to create a realistic love interest.

Christensen, first introduced to audiences in the vomit inducing Episode II, has churned out sickeningly mediocre performances over the course of two movies, leaving you wishing that he`d become Vader already instead of being such a whiney brat.

The beautiful and talented, Natalie Portman is also wasted in a series of progressively uglier costume and hair changes over the course of two movies, you`re almost grateful that she dies at the end of this movie and doesn`t pass on her horrid fashion sense to her daughter Princess Leia, well except for really bad `bun hair`. George Lucas seems incapable of writing of directing a love scene without it having it feel puerile and juvenile, makes you wonder how this man reproduced, you would think a man capable of imagining a universe full of such fantastic characters could draw on some real life inspiration that would make love between Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) and Padmé (Natalie Portman) seem less like a cheesy Barbara Cartland romance or a douche commercial.

Episode III was dark and from the previews it looked as if Lucas had finally channelled his inner Kershner; Irvin Kershner was responsible one of the only two movies in the series not directed by Lucas and believe to be the best film of the series; Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back. Lucas did manage to channel some Kershner but saddled it with all of his baggage. The movie was a visual effects spectacular with all manner of space craft, battles in space and a completely CG villain; General Grievous. Because it was so dark and carries a PG-13 rating, the movie was not overly burdened with the need to have something cute for the kiddies, although there were only two scenes that I think would be perturbing to small children. I think you`d have more trouble having them keeping still for the two hour and twenty six minute run time and some of the seizure inducing fight sequences.

I`m going back at some point not because I feel a continued need to line LucasFilms` pockets but having vetted it for content for my nine-year old audience, I need to accompany him. If you haven`t seen it and you`re not a Star Wars fan, you can wait for cable or DVD and if you are a fan, you can probably wait as well. It doesn`t disappoint but not as much as it doesn`t overwhelm.

for Douglas

April 27, 2005 — Leave a comment

edit: i got a request to fill out my initial post and submit it as a review, damned editors.

On Tuesday night we were fortunate enough to catch a preview screening of the Hitch Hiker`s Guide to the Galaxy. There are not enough words for me to express how pleased I am with this movie. After many false starts, the big budget, Hollywood version is finally here and it doesn`t seem any worse for wear, but it is a mostly British production from a screenplay started by the late Douglas Adams.

As with all other versions of HHGTG; radio play, BBC mini series, book; a consistent idiosyncrasy is a the extension of story lines that for that particular medium. The movie is no different and expands Arthur`s love of Trillian, as well as the development of the Humma Kavula storyline.

The cast is amazing and features voice talents of Alan Rickman as Marvin the Paranoid Android,  Helen Mirren as Deep Thought and Stephen Fry as the Guide. Rapper turned actor Mos Def stars as Ford Prefect, Sam Rockwell; in another over the top performance; as President of the Galaxy — Zaphod Beeblebrox and British character actor, Martin Freeman as Arthur Dent. The actual Guide entries; developed British animation firm Shynola; stole the show with every appearance, if you`re one of those people who leaves immediately as the credits start to roll, i suggest you stick around, there`s one last Guide entry as the credits roll. Die hard HHGTG fans will be amused by a couple of special asides, including the BBC mini series` Marvin, as well as the Douglas Adams planet from Starship Titanic game.

The movie is CGI intensive but not to the point of abuse and my favourite scene is the Heart of Gold; the ship our erstwhile heroes end up on; going through infinite probabilities to arrive at a destination, including one probability where the entire ship and crew are turned into yarn.  The movie is billed as a comedy but there are a lot of touching moments, that are genuine and uncontrived. One of the things that makes this movie so enjoyable is an almost childlike innocence and joy that seemed to characterise Douglas Adams. This is helped by an almost completely British production that understand how to be funny without resorting to blatant stupidity as evidenced by the So Long and Thanks for all the Fish song over the opening credits.

At the end of of the film as the Heart of Gold phases through infinite probabilities, there is a brief flash of Adams` face before the credits start rolling with the words `For Douglas`. This movie is a faithful interpretation of a beloved book and is sure to make long time fans happy and create a new generation of fans.

Remember to walk with your towels.

references to Alanis aside, i do know the meaning of irony.

and in a case of irony writ large i saw the trailer for The Honeymooners movie this weekend and i am afraid. who thought it would be a good idea to remake one of the most racists programmes in television history and by making the cast all black it would somehow make it right.

they did this last year in a manner of speaking with Walking Tall. i was mildly amused to think that there were a number of good old southern boys that were getting their panties in a bunch that that their folk hero was being played by someone that weren`t white. but that amusement was not enough for me to get over being appalled.

when it comes to race, i try to avoid generalisations and to reserve judgement on an individual basis but i`m going to make one now, i`m appalled by the state of movies, particular movies marketed to black audiences. they are the most insipid and trite pieces of crap. i`m sure there are the good individual flicks but for the most part if you want to see movie with an all black cast you`re saddled with movies like Soul Plane which only serve to reinforce stereotypes.

i hadn`t planned to mention Guess Who, because the concept alone makes my blood boil but i couldn`t leave it alone. are there no original ideas left? who the hell thought that it would be a good idea? the original film has been one of my favourites for a long time and now it`s image is forever tarnished by this crock of steaming faeces.

went to see Constantine; mispronunciation not withstanding; last night and i have to say i wasn`t disappointed. it was a hell; pun sincerely intended; of a lot better than i expected.

one of the many redeem factors about this movie, is unlike a lot of other movie treatments based on comics it wasn`t automatically made PG-13, which in a lot of cases just strips a lot of the best elements out of it in order to make it palatable. another saving grace was the supporting cast and visual effects; Tilda Swinton rocks. and unlike a lot of Kenau`s other recent roles he wasn`t clueless and a determined Kenau is kind of cute.

go see Constantine just for entertainment value alone.

sample this

March 4, 2005 — Leave a comment

in my reminiscing about the halcyon days of rap and hip hop i put my rap playlist on the ipod and enjoyed the sounds of the late 80s and early 90s.

i think part of my enjoyment of the early days of this musical artform was the sampling; not so much the blatant ripoffs a la Puffy; but the snippets of tracks. i grew up with a diverse musical background with all manner of influences. my mother had music appreciation on Sundays after church and she`d unleash the Al Green, Bob Marley, Handel`s Messiah, Ace Cannon, Herb Albert, whatever she thought was appropriate. I also spent a lot of time at my aunt`s house and she had children in their late teens to early adulthood who shared their music as well. this sound musical background help me rediscover music i`d know and loved as an element in music i was just discovering.

i`ve always said i would give almost anything to go through Fatboy Slim`s record collection, his use of obscure samples is sublime. there also used to be a website that kept track of samples in popular hip hop but it seems to have gone the way of the dodo.

lately i`ve been enjoying the smash-ups. i`ve never been a big fan of either the Beatles or Jay-Z but i love Dangermouse`s Grey Album as well as the Kleptones` Queen/hip hop smash-up and the London bootmixed which is a remix of the Clash`s London Calling.

we have digital cable because that`s the only way i can get speed channel which is where i get my Formula One fix. season starts in two days. digital cable has also afforded me the music video channels, you remember those, what MTV and VH1 used to be when they launched. to ensure they can still be called “Music Television” and Video Hits One” they have a plethora of channels that show only music videos.

i`ve realised that i`m getting older because of the eight or ten possible music video channels i watch only one with great regularity; VH1 Classic; home of blocks of videos from the 70s and 80s; and i am content. lately i`ve been drifting to VH1 Soul because they`ve been featuring blocks of music and when i do get sucked in it tends to be artists i like; on sunday there was a one hour block of Bob Marley videos.

i really started writing reflecting on rap and hip hop. i`m not a fan of most of the current crop of hip hop, primarily because it all sounds the same. i`m not saying that rap was always a fount of originality but there was a moment when everything was new and dare i say it; fresh.

the misogyny and violence don`t bother me as much as it should; i own the first two Ice Cube albums and at the time the sound was new and interesting but there comes a point where it gets old and you find yourself wondering what you enjoyed. then there is the concept that the only purpose for recording a lot of this music is to increase profit margins. i think fundamentally that`s what bothers me; the anger, sexuality and violence perpetrated on records don`t come for some place genuine; it`s all about making a profit. and it`s not just hip hop, the music industry is all about profitability; if they can`t make money off you with the trite pop, they can make money by appealing to your baser instincts; anger, lust, you get the idea; they believe there is a niche for you.

i long for the days of the pure storytelling and fun that were the roots of rap and hip hop. or maybe those days never existed and it was just the innocence of youth.

thought for the day

February 17, 2005 — Leave a comment

the nice thing about bed rest is you get to catch up on your reading in the last two days i`ve devoured Nick Hornby`s Songbook; which has inspired tomorrow`s post and Hunter S. Thompson`s Hey Rube from which this gem was found:

Politics is the Art of Controlling your Environment

That is one of the key things I learned in these years, and I learned it the hard way. Anybody who thinks that “it doesn`t matter who`s President” has never been Drafted and sent off to fight and die in a vicious, stupid War on the other side of the World–or been beaten and gassed by the Police for trespassing on public property–or been hounded by the IRS for purely political reasons–or locked up in the Cook County Jail  with a broken nose and no phone access and twelve perverts wanting to stomp your ass in the shower. That is when it matters who is President or Governor or Police Chief. That is when you will wish you had voted.

sorry there are no links for those of you that are so inclined but i`m really not up to it at the moment, if you`re really interested you can find it yourself.

Selkirk Grace

   

Some hae meat and cannot eat.

Some cannot eat that want it:

But we hae meat and we can eat,

Sae let the Lord be thankit.

Address to a Haggis

   

Fair fa` your honest, sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin`-race!

Aboon them a` ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy of a grace

As lang`s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,

Your hurdies like a distant hill,

Your pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o need,

While thro your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,

An cut you up wi ready slight,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright,

Like onie ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:

Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,

Till a` their weel-swall`d kytes belyve

Are bent like drums;

The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,

`Bethankit` hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,

Or olio that wad staw a sow,

Or fricassee wad mak her spew

Wi perfect sconner,

Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view

On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,

As feckless as a wither`d rash,

His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit:

Thro bloody flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,

The trembling earth resounds his tread,

Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He`ll make it whissle;

An legs an arms, an heads will sned,

Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow`rs, wha mak mankind your care,

And dish them out their bill o fare,

Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware

That jaups in luggies:

But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,

Gie her a Haggis!

AULD LANG SYNE

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We`ll tak a cup of kindness yet,

For auld lang syne!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne?

And surely ye`ll be your pint-stowp,

And surely I`ll be mine,

And we`ll tak a cup o kindness yet,

For auld lang syne!

We twa hae run about the braes,

And pou`d the gowans fine,

But we`ve wander`d monie a weary fit,

Sin auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl`d in the burn

Frae morning sun till dine,

But seas between us braid hae roar`d

Sin auld lang syne.

And there`s a hand my trusty fiere,

And gie`s a hand o thine,

And we`ll tak a right guid-willie waught,

For auld lang syne.

The Clan Tartan:

so we`re doing it a little early and we`re serving lamb leg instead of haggis. it`s the closest night we can get everyone together and no one is willing to even attempt the haggis.

we bought the boychick the four disc star wars boxed set for Christmas, because he; like me before him; is a fan boy. he wasn`t around in 1977 to see it on the big screen for the first time, but he has an appreciation.

i had been reading in a couple places that george had been tinkering with the movies for the dvds. i was pissed off enough when i heard the cantina scene had been re-edited so Greedo fires first but i had to watch the end of jedi today to confirm the final insult.

if i hadn`t already given the gift i would take it back and hold on to the video version that we have and not be so upset. at the end of Jedi, when Luke is looking out at the ghostly images of the Jedi gone before him, who is that on the far right; Hayden “can`t act his way out of paper bag, much less the douche commerical that was the love scene in Episode  II” Christensen. what the hell is that?

i wish i was one of those people that still owned the unadulterated, 77, 80 and 83 versions on laserdisc instead of this incessant tinkering and in my humble opinion, ruination, of perfectly good movies.