CunningLinguist

i like to drive. i really learned to drive from my mother. when i was growing up we owned a mini and she drove that thing like it was formula one car. i learned about drafting from my mother. my mother would find a bus or truck have it pull us along for and bit the catapult from behind it and away we would go.

trinidad is fairly small and in those days safe enough for a woman and her son to go driving about at random, every sunday, we would pick a direction and go for a drive. the philosophy behind it being, the road had to come out somewhere. and if i didn`t we`d just go back the way we came. in how many years of doing that i don`t think we ever backtracked. i`m not sure if i inherited it from my mother or it was just my presence in the car.

there is a common joke among my close friends that i sold my soul for parking and a sense of direction. it`s damn near impossible for me to get lost. i just seem to know what direction to go in to get to where i need to be.

as for the parking, i think i sealed it with my ex-wife, one christmas eve we went to the mall and i got the parking spot next to the door, just pulled up and there it was.

i can drive anywhere. just put me in a vehicle and i`m fairly comfortable. i think i drove vic`s car the first or second day i was there. [another reason i love vic, she drove stick, a woman after my own heart] side of the road doesn`t matter to me. good tunes, i`ll drive to the ends of the earth.

last time i was in london, i drove from london to dover, took the ferry and then drove to dortmund in germany.through three countries and finally i can say i drove on the autobahn, but it was in a family sedan and when i got an opportunity to drive a bmw on the road, it was with my friend`s mother in the passenger seat, so i had to behave.

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mother, driving, europe, parking spaces

i`m getting better, thank you for all the comments, ims and emails. i know all of this is just temporary, i think i was just overwhelmed yesterday.

i`ve been resting all day, trying not to think about anything. and now the us grand prix is on and the weather is wreaking havoc. it`s setting up to rain here and i think i`ll go take a nap afterwards.

in the vein of pure mindlessness today, tonight is the season premiere of charmed and alias. i`m trying to figure out how to juggle them charmed is two hours and alias starts at the beginning of the second hour.

plus i have to catch the episode of dead like me that i missed on friday.

see i can be completely vacuous.

i had a panic attack today, actually multiple attacks. this is new for me, i`ve never felt anything so paralysing and debilitating. i was supposed to go out this afternoon. i just lay in my bed and shook, i couldn`t find the strength to do anything.

i`m not sure where this came from, some of it is me, but i think some of it`s vic, worried about her job. our finances. just all the shit most couple have to put up with. but we`re dealing with it in duality.

what`s most worrying is most of the time we have our meltdowns seperately. and we`re there for each other, but they seem to be getting closer together and i`m afraid they`re going to converge and coincide.

i`m just so tired, my stomach is doing little flip flops. i just need to keep it together this week. i think once i know the situation with this job this sense of impending doom may pass.

this is the third or fourth time i`ve started writing this entry. i haven`t been able to get into it, i have no idea why. probably the same reason i didn`t post yesterday.

my thoughts are all jumbled, i`m trying to sort out my life. the malaise and unease are back, but i don`t feel like whining about it anymore. i need to do something.

pool last night was good, i had a blast, i was making shots, winning even but at some point i drifted off, i`m not focussing and i don`t know why.

vic is worried and distress and i can feel that as well, i`m not sure how of what`s going now is her or is me or if we`re just feeding off each other.

this coming week i`m supposed to hear from jamaica and i`m thinking i`m too excited, i`ve put faith in getting this job and maybe i`m not as good as i think i am.

i have two weeks left at this job i loath and although i`ve quit better jobs than this before, but somehow this time it`s weighing on me. i`m really worried about the finances.

i think i`ve rambled enough. going to take a shower and a nap

i was wondering why that bus ride has been on my mind so much of late, this week is three years since i met vic in person. september 21st 2000.

time flies when you`re having fun. it`s hard to believe another olympics will be on us again. i wonder where we`ll be this time around.

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wyf

on my first trip to meet victoria, i travelled for more than 30 hours.

my journey started in the wee hours of the morning in trinidad. the original itinerary was by air, trinidad – maimi and then by car – miami to knoxville. seemed simple enough. it wasn`t

the flight leg was fine, uneventful, got to mia, cleared the usual airport checks and trekked to the car rental only to discover, that i need a credit card to rent a car. cash in this man`s land is a no no. ok, so we trek back to the airport, call amtrak, doesn`t go to knoxville. check around the airlines, last minute travel, no return date, bad, bad, bad, bad idea for the economy traveller. what`s left? greyhound. wouldn`t you know it, there`s a station that`s a really cheap cab ride from the airport. it`s a good thing i`m travel light.

i just manage to get to the station in time to get on the bus that left at 1:30. pay premium for my ticket, but being a traveller, i`m thinking, this is all part of the adventure.

i had some magazines in my bag, but no books, i wasn`t expecting to be driven. i managed to find a seat on my own at least for the first couple hours.

i`ve talked about driving out of florida before and as long as that drive was, it was still at my own pace. driving out of fl on greyhound involved multiple stops along the way including a 2 hour off bus layover in jacksonville in the wee hours of the morning.

i have to say my real adventures in bus riding didn`t begin til we left jacksonville. everytime i tried to get some sleep something would happen, first it was the woman sitting behind me who couldn`t believe this was my real hair and was continually touching it. eventually she got bored and went back to neck with her boyfriend. then as i started to doze off again there was the guy that got put off the bus in the wilds of georgia somewhere. i never found out what that was about.

i finally fell asleep and we were in atlanta for the bus change. the rest of the trip was uneventful, managed to get food in atl and at one of the breakfast stops.

when we got to knoxville, i hadn`t had a shower in a day and a half, i was tired, rumpled and dishevelled. i knew no one other than vic, i kept thinking she`d pull up and see me and just drive off. i was standing outside for about 10 minutes pondering what i was going to do and she pulled up got out of the car and smiled at me.

i think i knew at that moment how much i loved her. there are defining moments in your life that was one of them. i don`t remember much of the conversation then or the drive to the outdoor restaurant. all that remains clearly is the smile on her face and the racing in my heart.

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travel, adventure, greyhound