there is no logical reason for me to be up at this hour. and its true, the reason im at this hour is purely hormonal. i had the most spectacular, most realistic dream, im not sure, but i may have moaned out loud. i sitting here typing every nerve ending tingling, my skin longing to be touched, disappointed to present myself and vic wasnt there. thats what woke me, the sensation of being alone in bed.
there are 17 days til vic gets here and the dreams seem to be getting more and more intense. its going to be interesting to see what result is going to be, i instituted a personal no touching policy today. im curious to see if that is at all possible and i need to whip out all the clothes that keep me hidden. although with this latest weight gain, im not sure ill have anything left to fit me. i happen on a scale yesterday and realised id exceeded my comfort zone in terms of weight, i need to find a healthy, comfortable way to drop back within the range. i have to say this last weight gain has snuck up on me and im not happy about it, actually scared shitless would be more accurate. i used to be the short fat child growing up, now pretty soon my height is not going to be able to hide the fact that ive turned into el tubbo.
i should get off my lazy ass and do something, but id join the gym, go for a week and then never go back. random walking is unappealing to me. not really big on team sports and the one im willing to play, cant find a team to join.
going to have a shower and head off to work.