Archives For stupidity

Passive Eugenics

April 25, 2004 — Leave a comment

as a corollary to my last post i thought i`d deal with warning labels. we`ve all seen this forward about the instructions on labels:

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.

Details inside.

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.

On Tesco`s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”

On Boot`s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate

machinery after taking this medication.”

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”

On Sainsbury`s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet,

eat nuts.”

On a child`s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not

enable you to fly.”

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands

or genitals.”

and a new classic:

Levitra — “If erection lasts longer than four hours consult a medical professional.”

the thing is that as funny as this seems, those are real and there are other stories and other warning labels on everything. i see three major problems with this trend, a lack of personal responsibility, the death of common sense and the continuation of some lineage that we`d be better off without.

i humbly suggest passive eugenics. eugenics is the study of hereditary improvement of the human race by controlled selective breeding. now the thing about passive eugenics is we don`t actually have to do anything other than let nature take it`s course. if you`re not bright enough to know that you don`t get into the bathtub with an electrical appliance then you don`t live to reproduce. i think it would make the world a better place. remove all the warning labels and let all the darwin award contenders go for the prize. i`m sure the planet would be a better place for it.