whether you`re just starting out or you`ve had your dreadlocks for sometime there are a couple of fundamental rules, we hope by committing them to paper they will make things clearer for you.
rule #1:
recognise your appellations.
once your dread is at a recognisable length, you find yourself being called by these names, it`s in your best interest to learn them: `dread`, `ras`, `fari` and `brethren` or `sistren` as applies.
rule #2:
acknowledging your fellow dreadlocks.
the correct procedure for acknowledging your fellow dreadlocks is the head nod. there are variations on this including the closed fisted chest thump and the close fisted chest thump with greeting: `bless` or `respect`. white people with dreads are required to acknowledge black dreads but the reverse does not necessarily apply.
rule #3:
you will get questions about your hair.
there are going to be a lot of questions and comments about your hair and it`s best to be prepared, following are a number of common hair related statements for which you can develop your own standard answers to.
“is that your hair?”
“how long did it take you to grow?”
“how often do you wash your hair?”
“you don`t have to do anything to it. right?”
“are you rastafarian?”
“do you eat meat?”
“i wish i could grow my hair like that”
“why you want to do that to your hair? you have such nice hair.”
“can i touch your hair?”
“i just had to touch it, i`ve never felt dreadlocks before.”
rule #3b:
people will try to touch your hair without permission
you should either learn the head bob, lean or hand swat to avoid said touches, more on this in another bulletin.
rule #4:
you are expected to be a definitive source on bob marley.
this includes his music and his life, as well as all aspects of reggae and jamaican culture.
rule #4b:
you are expected to own clothes with the colours of red, gold and green, in combination.
rule #5:
you have marijuana.
you will always have marijuana and related peripherals on your person, otherwise you will have connections with various retailers of said and be on a first names basis and immediate contact with them.
rule #6:
expect delays at airports.
if you are a dreadlocks originating in the caribbean with a caribbean passport, expect to spend a lot of time answering questions. particularly about your net worth, your ability to provide for yourself, the length of your stay and the contents of your luggage. if you don`t answer these questions to their satisfaction, there may be a cavity search in your future.
rule #7:
dreads decrease your intelligence and your ability to do your job.
once you have dreads in the work place expect people to talk down to you and ignore your advice. you brain has been contaminated by the dreads and the only thing you can talk about with any authority is marijuana and bob marley.
rule #8:
you are a stereotype.
there is no getting around it. learn to accept it. here are just a few you need to get accustomed to:
you are a drug dealer
you have a big penis.
you are promiscuous.
you don`t perform oral sex.
you are/will be doing something illegal.
you have/will spent time in jail.
you have a jamaican accent.
you are belligerent.
you are uneducated.
you are a bad person.
you are lazy.
we here at the ICoDP are here to help, but we may have missed some of the rules, please feel free to let us know and we will try to include any omissions. we will try to cover all stereotypes so no dreadlocked person is misrepresented.
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what an interesting weekend it has been and this week promises to be equally interesting.
i spend most of Saturday getting my dreads neatened. when i went to see the woman who would be doing it, she looked and my hair and agreed with my four hour estimation and quoted me $150 to get it done. it took the better part of seven and a half hours, but she did a spectacular job and only charged me an extra $25, i will be returning to her in about three months, when my hair wont be as unkempt.
for those of you that are puzzled, there is a lot of maintenance involved in having dreadlocks, which include washing; in my case at least once a week now and more frequently as it starts to warm up; and neatening to manage the new growth of hair that presents itself regularly every couple of months.
on Sunday, as spring fought a valiant battle to make its way to middle Tennessee and along with our house full of breakfast guest; no one can resist vic`s scones; we made our way to a nearby park to frolic in the sunshine. although i didn`t do as much frolicking because i was on the phone being interview about blogging; long story, but fear not, there is no adverse publicity or consumption of bandwidth involved.
this week i`ve got two doctor`s appointments; i`ve got one tomorrow morning, that was initially supposed to be my general check up but turned into the flu visit and one on Thursday to talk to and possibly get snipped. it`s about that time, vic and i have discussed it; we don`t want any more children – we`ve done our bit for the population explosion – our children and well-adjust and health, so there is no need to tempt fate any further. i`m getting snipped as the procedure is less invasive and less likely to have complications for me and if we change our minds down the road, it`s possible to reverse.
i should get back to work, today is already fiendishly busy and the rest of the week is only going to get worse.
we all look alike.
you know the drill; all black men look alike, well take that a step further, all black men with dreads look even more alike. in Nashville there are five of us, an English teacher at some exclusive private school, a lawyer, a musician, a fellow graphic artist; who i had the pleasure of meeting; and myself.
since i`ve been here, i`ve been mistaken for the school teacher and the musician, one of both of them must party a lot because people keep coming up to me and asking me if we`d met at a party earlier in the year. i don`t drink that much and i don`t do drugs, i don`t even party much so if i`d met you at a party, i`d know.
the other graphic artist was telling me about having dinner in a restaurant and this woman accosted him, mistaking him for her ex; the lawyer. i thought that was pretty odd, but having had people come up to me and start conversations, i don`t know why i did.
the other person i look like; only because of the dreads and only to small children; is the guy who host a show on disney. i`ve had small children just sit and look at me thinking i was that guy.
when i was in Chattanooga over the July 4th weekend, a member of an old school quartet of queens tried to pick me up, said i looked like someone he knew.
i am everywhere, i am Darth Insidious, i cannot be stopped.
