I didn’t emigrate to the US out of fear or to escape an oppressive regime. I emigrated for love, and I jumped through a lot of hoops. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to wait on the slowly turning wheels of bureaucracy while in fear for your life. Most of the people in support of the latest Executive Order have no idea what most visitors, much less immigrants have to go through in order to arrive in the US. I documented a lot of the process when I was writing regularly on this blog (do a search for the immigration tag). It was a dehumanizing and expensive process. For the all the people that think this Executive Order is no big deal I invite you to the USCIS website, find and download the correct form, fill it out, without assistance, in a language that is native to you. How’s that working out for you?
In order for me to become a US citizen I had to take a test. This test apparently makes me more knowledgeable on how the Constitution and Government are supposed to work than the people who are pretending to run the country. I would honestly like to see any current member of the Cabinet, Senate or Congress take and pass this USCIS Citizenship test. I actually advocate that before you can make any kind of immigration policy in this country you have to be able to take the test and pass.
whatever you are celebrating this time of year or even if you’re not celebrating, it is worth remembering the intent of the season – light triumphing over the darkness.
be a light in the darkness, for yourself, for someone else, for your community. as dark as it may seem even a tiny light may help bring others to you or merely help you see you’re not alone in the dark.
happy holidays.
“DON’T THINK OF IT AS DYING, said Death. JUST THINK OF IT AS LEAVING EARLY TO AVOID THE RUSH.” – Terry Pratchett
As I type this a woman named Elaine is laying in a hospital bed, unresponsive, her kidneys are failing and she is intubated. I suppose I should call this person my mother but the tiny frail body I put into care six weeks ago wasn’t my mother and what’s left laying in a hospital bed now is even less of her.
Elaine was never physically a big woman but had a presence that dominated every room she was in. She was one of the smartest women I have ever known. She was not perfect, she held grudges like no other and for a long time we didn’t like each other. We were obligated to love each other and as I have grown older I have a great deal of respect for the sacrifices she made to mould me into a semi-descent human being. I am grateful to her for my love of travel and reading, her attempts at improving my handwriting, my vocabulary, the way I drive and my skills as a scrabble player.
The thought running through my mind as I sit here pondering the nature of death. Is the person that is dying on a hospital bed, is that truly my mother? Or am I merely deluding myself and I try to prepare for the inevitable phone call.
A year ago, I awoke in less pain that I had been in for the previous six and a half months. A year ago today was the first day after a surgery to correct my hip impingement. You would imagine that having a surgeon shaving off portions of bone would leave you in an excruciating amount of pain, you would be correct but as I’ve always stated, all pain is relative.
From January 1 to June 15, I spent my every waking moment in an incredible amount of pain. The kind of pain you could see in my face. Sitting, standing, moving, I hurt. In my first visit to the doctor after the surgery his comment to me was, I’m surprised you could function, most people with that amount of build-up in the joint are generally immobile. I dealt with the pain for six months with mostly OTC pain meds and the day after surgery coming off the minimum dosage of prescribed pain killers I immediately felt better.
Now it’s a year later and I still get twinges when I overdo it or as the weather changes but it’s better and I am truly grateful.
When it comes to sound there is a single defining movie that cause me to pay attention to what sound editors and foley artists do for a film. I’m going to talk briefly about Once Upon A Time In The West. When we think about sound, we think about the score, dialog and effects working together to evoke a mood, the opening 11 minutes of Once Upon A Time In The West was one of the first films to simply use the ambient sound to evoke a mood.
In the first 11 minutes of Once Upon A Time In The West, there are approximately seven lines of dialog and no score. All the sound is ambient, as three men await a train. This ambient soundscape is multilayered and somehow manages to keeps the viewer engaged, even though they are incredibly mundane – the creak of a weather vane, water dripping on a hat, a man cracking his knuckles. These are the sounds that you very rarely pay attention to as a viewer or are swallowed up in the score. It is a soundtrack of anticipation. By the time the train arrives the audience and the men that have been waiting are on edge. At the 11 minute mark there is a lone harmonica which is simultaneously part of the score and diegetic. Interestingly, there is still not any musical accompaniment to the film until almost 21 minutes in.
Sergio Leone, the director and Ennio Morricone, the composer were long time collaborators and for this film the score was composed before shooting began and according When movies mattered: Reviews from a transformative decade by Dave Kehr Leone would play the music in the background on set. The score of the film is haunting and pays tribute to the Wild West frontier spirit while featuring leitmotifs for all the principal characters. Morricone is probably best known for his theme to another Leone western, The Good, The Bad and the Ugly but the score to this movie may be the more impressive work.
It is easy to use a score to drive a film, but Once Upon A Time In The West lets natural sounds build anticipation and interest. This is also helpful because the film is deliberately paced with fairly long scenes in which it feels like nothing is happening.
If you are a legal resident of any of the following places: Alaska, Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Georgia, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas, Vermont, Virginia, Wyoming and American Samoa, today is a polling day. If you haven’t already done so, go vote. This is not merely about Presidential candidates. There are likely other important issues at stake on your ballots. Who gets to represent you at a local, county, state and federal, possible ballot initiatives.
I am sure my political views differ from some, possibly, a lot of you. At this point, that’s not important. What is important is that you do research and consider all your options. Sure you don’t like the other candidate, but can you articulate what your issues with them are, without resorting to ad hominem attacks? Or the three things you heard in your social media echo chamber? Are your candidate’s platform and promises realistic and/or executable? Are the people running locally, locally funded? Have the best interests of your community at heart? One of the major problems with elections is the cost. Getting elected costs money and no matter how noble the candidate’s intentions there comes a point when the piper comes a-calling. Where is your candidate’s money coming from? Do you trust the source? Have they historically had the best interest of voters at heart?
For some of you it’s too late, you’ve already voted. However today is not the end. These are the primaries, that means you have between now and November 1. That’s 245 days or 35 weeks to do the research on the people that you have to chose to represent you for the next two – six years and ballot initiatives that can affect your life and the lives of people around you. As someone who has been disenfranchised, don’t opt out of participating because you don’t like any of the candidates. There are a number of issues on almost every ballot, that will affect you if you don’t vote.
Today was not a particularly good day for me, at least in terms of pain. I have a high tolerance for pain (after the surgery my doctor wondered how I functioned on a day to day basis, based on his experience I should have been immobile). 2015 was a benchmark year for pain for me. There was the pre-surgery pain during the first six months of the year when I was in constant pain with pain meds that did squat, that segued into the post surgery, physical therapy, hey I’m getting better, take some occasional pain meds, but not too much because it’s messing with my kidney function and final the general recovery, mostly pain free, occasional temperature change reminder that I actually had serious surgery pain. All of that went out the window today. Today harkened by to early 2015 when were still not sure what was going on and my hip and by extension my lower back hurt like a dammit. I had problems sitting and standing today. Most of mobility consisted of me shuffling around.
Which brings me to the drugs, I apparently have a high tolerance for pain medication too. I took some of the left over post surgery drugs as soon as I got home and sequestered myself on the couch with a heating pad. For most people the calibre and potency of the drugs would have them out like a light but here we are about four hours later and the pain in my hip is now back, slightly above a dull roar, but not quite to up screaming. So far as I can tell, the efficacy of these drugs is about four hours.
My concern at this point is have a done something drastic or is this merely a weather change, bad posture, too much of something warning. I have no desire to be popping pain medication (kidney considerations aside) just to remain functional again and we’re clear that it doesn’t work. The question becomes do I take it easy for the next few days and hope it sorts itself out or do I soldier on and only worry about it if it gets worse?
Today is my 14th wedding anniversary and as expected with birthdays and anniversaries, it’s always a time of reflection. We spent the first two years of our marriage apart and a few days before we officially began our lives together I posted this:
vic and i are not living in a fairy tale and we know that. things are not going to be peachy and perfect all the time. we both have our off days, luckily we seem to have them when we can provide the most support to each other.
we`re both strong willed people and we`re both accustomed to doing things a certain way, we`re sure it`s going to take some getting used to.
what we have going for us, is our ability to talk about anything without discomfort or contention. we expect there will be problems, but we also thing we can sit and talk about them and work them out. there are going to be external forces to deal with as well, but we will try and work those out in the safest possible manner for us and that`s a family us.
we`re going to try and deal with each day as it comes. we have shared long term goals that we`ll be working towards when i get settled. in the interim, it`s about learning to live with each other and getting comfortable sharing a physical space.
i know it`s not going to be perfect all the time but i think if we abide the rule to not go to bed angry, i think we can face whatever challenges come up, together.
It’s been 12 years since I wrote that and in that time we’ve faced a number of challenges and seem to come out stronger and better for it. Thank you Victoria for choosing to make this journey with me. I’m looking forward to more adventures with you.
days between when I first experienced hip pain and surgery to resolve said pain: 165
days since my surgery: 200
days without any kind of hip pain: 0
days since we moved to Knoxville: 127
days at my new store: 116
days until graduation: 127
days until classes start: 18
credits needed to graduate: 10
number of classes being taken: 3
may the numbers be in your favor.
