Alternative Facts [May 2017]

June 4, 2017

May 01: Politicians never over-promise, exaggerate or lie to get elected.
May 02: The Civil War was fought for no other reason than Northern aggression & jealousy of the success of the Confederate states.
May 03: Cancer and other major illnesses are punishments from God and can be cured via prayers and faith.
May 04: Health Insurance and the internet are luxuries that poor people do nothing to deserve.
May 05: Coverage under the ACHA is so amazing members of Congress will use it without amendments.
May 06: Veterans with pre-existing conditions haven’t done anything to deserve healthcare coverage.
May 07: Jesus of Nazareth is not a brown-skinned Arab man but blue eyed and European looking.
May 08: The only way to reduce the defecit is to cut spending on programs that help ‘freeloaders’
May 09: There is absolutely no need for any investigations or oversight of the behaviors of militarized police departments.
May 10: Women earn less than men & are unfit for leadership roles because they are too emotional & tend to make rash decisions.
May 11: There is nothing suspicious or dictatorial about firing anyone who tries to investigate you.
May 12: This is the most crisis free administration but when a crisis occurs it offers the clearest and most unified messaging.
May 13: Higher mandatory sentences are an effective deterrent & have nothing to do with increased profits for private prisons.
May 14: Motherhood is an easy job and women who chose not to have children are the cause of all societal problems.
May 15: People who make $174,000 with lifetime benefits for 138 days of work per year understand living on minimum wage.
May 16: We’ve elected the smartest, most honest and capable leader to the presidency.
May 17: Ethical and moral standards should be applied on a sliding scale based on party affiliation.
May 18: Our political leaders are altruistic, uncorrupted, knowledgeable and focused on what is good of the country.
May 19: A politician with no law enforcement experience is the best person to lead the FBI.
May 20: Black lives are always worth less than 3/5s of law enforcement lives.
May 21: Christians have never ostracized, marginalized, tortured or killed anyone for not sharing their beliefs.
May 22: The best way to take care of veterans is to close centers and privatize their care.
May 23: Depression is not a real disease. Suffers should ‘think positive’ and get over it.
May 24: Declaring ‘War’ on things has proven to be effective in stopping them.
May 25: Net Neutrality rules should be decided on by internet providers with no input from consumers.
May 26: Journalists should only provide favorable coverage and when they don’t they deserve whatever harm befalls them.
May 27: Being poor results from bad personal choices and has absolutely nothing to do with an external systemic forces.
May 28: Talking about your religious values makes you pious even if your actions contradict the tenets of your faith.
May 29: The best way to honor military personnel is to cut their benefits and dismantle their support systems.
May 30: Real patriots know that Memorial and Veteran’s Days are interchangeable.
May 31: Rote teaching to tests encourages cognitive development and analytical skills.