the shiny, happy feeling is gone

August 18, 2003 — Leave a comment

well not entirely, i have a headache. remember the to do list, well i should have called it a to don`t list. it`s midday and i don`t have any material for the powerpoint presentation, the prints are taking forever and my boss is flitting about the room. i may save myself the trouble and kill her now. all of this is compounded by the massive panic attack i had this morning. vic wasn`t around and i couldn`t reach her and my over active imagination went into high gear, [i`ve discovered my greatest fear and i don`t how to deal with it in any logical manner], no i`m not a control freak [well i am, but that`s besides the point], there is a rhythm to our lives, even though we`re separated by all these miles [or maybe because of it] and any break in this rhythm throws me off. so when vic is inexplicably absent, i worry and half a day`s worry for me is massive panic.

vic fine, computer troubles at the office, not near her cell. i never really doubted that she was, but i think with everything else that`s going here, i just freaked out. i`m going to try and get a car and go deal with some of the shit i was supposed to do.

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