Archives For clothing

i live in Nashville; which aside from the cowboy chic and the usually bad fashion sense of college students dressing themselves away from home for the first time; seems to have a pretty well defined sense of style.

i haven`t had very many scary moments since i`ve been here and that`s good. i however get a sense once you pass a certain size, clothing manufacturers believe that your sense of style is superseded by an overwhelming desire to hide your; obviously disgusting, quivering; flesh in whatever is closest at hand. that is the only explanation that passes for the hideous, overpriced monstrosities that pass for big and tall clothing.

i have this problem with pants. it`s damn near impossible for me to find a pair of pants that fit. i`ve said this before and i will say it until my dying day, i have a huge ass, i inherited it from my mother and passed it on to my children. all the weight i`ve gained in the last eight years have accumulated on my stomach; front not sides; and proportionally on my ass, although for it`s size and mass, it`s still quite firm.

i have a couple of jeans, some pants and suit that fits well. the pants and the jeans are from old navy, yet strangely when i went back to the store, tried on the same size and style they no long fit. i have eventually settled for some generic pants i picked up in target. they fit, but only if i`m standing or sitting, in motion there is a strange pucker in the crotch that is more embarrassing than obscene. i may just have to resort to getting measured and having my tailor reproduce the best fitting pair of pant i own, which he incidentally made.

i was a child of the 80s but thank god there are no pictures to prove it. even without the general fashion faux pas that were the 80s, i was the guy who`s mother dressed him, well she was paying so i really didn`t have much choice. although i`m still not sure how i convinced my mother spring for the powder blue suit and espadrilles for my high school graduation.

after i began making my own money, my first serious girlfriend made it a point to find me a tailor. when you have an ass as high and round as mine it`s extremely difficult to find pants off the rack. my other problem at that age is i was tall, thin, with no shoulders; so i also needed to find shirts. all psychoses aside she helped shape my wardrobe and what she didn`t help with, my first wife finished the job.

over the years, i`ve grown; in more ways than one; my shoulders have filled out, i no longer have `bert` arms and i`m more comfortable in my own skin. i can actually dress myself without embarrassing or causing my companions to have some sort of ocular failure. although vic loathes the bright orange t-shirts that i possess, but i think that`s more via association with UT sports than anything else. the orange shirts are a holdover from 2000 when i decided that the navy, grey, black and khaki that primarily made up wardrobe needed to be changed for a more colourful look.