perfectionist with a god complex
why would you spend close to or over $2B, that’s $2,000,000,000 for a job that pays $200,000. there is a fundamental flaw in logic there plus if you think about it for too long you realise at some point, that various makers that make up that money will come due.
these are the thoughts that prevent me from getting to excited this election cycle.
i am the master of finding cheap fares; for other people. i`ve done it for my mother in law, i`ve done it for friends. i can find that really cheap ticket with the minimum of fuss. somehow i can never do the same for myself.
i`m trying to get my daughters here for the summer and currently the cheapest fare i can find is in the $800 each, to get them to Nashvegas and that doesn`t include the surcharge for children travelling alone.
i miss the girls and i want to see them, but there is no way i can afford that and conversely flying to Trinidad will cost even more, because even though the fares are marginally cheaper, we would need to fly all three of us, plus accommodation and transport while we`re there. plus all the `cheap` fares i`m finding require us to be gone from anywhere between three to five weeks. neither of which we can afford either.
my job situation is still iffy. i`m on probation for a month, which can be extended at my boss` discretion and i`m firmly of the belief that the nanosecond she finds someone or our busy season ends, i`m out the door. i`ve got feelers out but no nibbles yet.
i hate being fucking broke and stressing about money.
i`m early this morning and with enough time to post no less. vic had to go into work at some ridiculous hour; ye olde pot & pannery is doing inventory today.
i have at least half hour before the boychick needs to be officially away and at least an hour before we have to get out of the house. on most days, the alarm hasn`t even gone off by now, much less for the second or third snooze. there are some advantages to where we live. three blocks from the school and a brisk 35 minute walk to the office.
as i sit here thinking about how early it is and watch the slowly lightening sky, i realise that i know people in London that already halfway into their day already, in Trinidad, people are already late for work if they`re still reading this at home. relativity is an interesting concept. i think it`s what`s keeping me sane right now.
i`ve been edgy all weekend, i`m ready for a change, not in my personal life, but i think i want a new job, i`m not entirely thrilled with the one i have now; but by comparison, my current employer isn`t in the top three worse bosses i`ve had and i stuck their shit much longer.
my inability to leave the country is worrying me, i`m worrying about my daughters; there is only so much you can do over the phone, i`m worrying about money; am i making enough? will i ever make enough to not have to worry about it?
i`m not entirely without perspective. people are doing the same and more on what i`m making, they have less of a support system, etc, etc, etc. at the end of the day it is all relative but where you`re inside it`s hard to observe the bigger picture.