over the last couple of months i`ve realised a couple people i know have attempted suicide. it scares me a great deal.

i wonder what kind of hopelessness and despair would facilitate that kind of measure.

i`m beginning to become more and more familiar with the pit.

i`m not going to kill myself. i`m too much of a control freak. suicide would indicate a loss of control. i`m not in control now but i like to maintain the illusion.

i`ve sitting here crying quietly so my mother doesn`t notice and start asking odd questions. it`s not helping.

i`m tired of the fucking struggling to make ends meet, i`m tired of being unappreciated, i`m tired of people taking advantage of me, i`m tired of living my life on hold, i`m tired of seeing my wife infrequently at best, i`m tired being unhappy all the fucking time, i`m tired of having to put on a brave face, tired of not being able to do anything about any of it, tired of it piling up.

tired, tired, tired.

just tired and fed up.

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