i saw freedom week and it was not good.

i didn`t come here to make friends [i did make a few and i`m glad i did], i didn`t come here for the attention [well maybe i did, but it`s never been my mitigating factor]. i write what i feel like, when i feel like. i`m glad that there are people who enjoy what i write. if nobody came, i would still write. this has always been an exercise in catharsis for me.

from my very first entry:

 

in truly onanistic fashion, i`ve decided to start a blog…  

 

this will be my forum for the truly vitriolic, sometimes manic depressive or generally lascivious thoughts that pop unbidden in to my mind. i hope those of you that visit find it appealing, instructive and/or entertaining and if not, tough titty. it`s my mind.  

 

one more thing, if i`ll be dooing this properly, this spelling on this thing is going to be attrocious, i`m going to be typing as the thoughts come to me but again, if you don`t like it…  

 

fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

that said, other people write in their journals for their own reasons and more power to them, if you don`t like what you see, then don`t go back, it`s really that simple.

i was never particularly popular at any point in my life, so i always tend to take it with more salt than is healthy. i think it`s the concept of having to rely on someone else to assert your social status that bothers me most.

when i was about 11 my mother accused me of being antisocial. i don`t think she`s wrong. surprisingly people seem drawn to me [something about my speaking candidly]. i can`t explain it. i have a large circle of acquaintances and quite a few close friends [mostly people that are tolerant of my idiosyncrasies]. i`m gratefully to them for putting up with me. but honestly i don`t rely on anyone to make me feel good,

well, vic and my children but they love me.

the other thing about being the loner/nerd/fat child/insert description here for most of my life makes me unable to participate in the alpha male ideal – the pissing contest. i`m good at what i do. i have no desire to belittle anyone else in proof of my skills. that pretty much sums up my attitude.

this is starting to read like my own cry for attention, so i`ll stop now. there`s a point here somewhere and it`s not made in anger or in envy, i`m just expressing my opinion of what`s going on here. i like it here and pretty much short of personal attacks [and even then i`ve dealt with enough of those in this lifetime to be pretty thick skinned] there is very little that`s going to stop me from expressing myself here.

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