i`ve got a dull ache at the base of my neck and across my shoulders and i know exactly what is causing it. i`m stressed out.

for someone that purportedly stays home all day and does nothing, why should i be stressed?

well i`m worried that the people in jamaica will think that giving me this job is too much trouble and rescind their offer. [yes i have insecurities, never said i didn`t.] i`m supposed to be leaving this weekend but i haven`t heard anything. primarily because they can`t find an apartment for me. i just worry that they`re going to decide that i`m not worth all this stress and say fuck it.

coupled with which i have two clients that have royally fucked me over. i am destitute and they`re not returning my emails. i`m now beholden to my mother and that does not fill me with great joy. it`s the first week of a new month and i haven`t been able to meet any of my commitments. that does not fill me with joy.

all of this coupled with my regular woes makes me a very unhappy camper.

i`m constantly tired but i haven`t been sleeping well.

i feel like sisyphus.yes i have faith that it`s all for a purpose and i`ll never get more than i can bear but there are some days it feels like i`m being fucked over royally by the universe.

and you know what? i`m sure i`m going to pay for that crack but what else is new?

 
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