my unsexy list

September 19, 2003 — Leave a comment

after reading the nerve unsexy list, i decided i would come up with my own list of things that will never be sexy to me.

in the order that they come to me:

hipster fucking pants

we all know how i feel about them. un-fucking-sexy. anyway you take it, it`s plumber`s fucking butt, definitely not sexy.

stupid people

part of any attraction for me is intelligence, we have to be able to converse on some level

no sense of humour

sex is something that needs not to take itself seriously, so an inability to laugh, particularly out loud is a major minus

surfeit of smell

everything in moderation. excessive amounts of perfume or insufficient baths. not good. the key to attraction is naturally occurring pheromones, covering them with perfume doesn`t help. and if you don`t bathe, your stench over powers them as well.

VPL

visible panty line. actually not just VPL, any deliberate exposure of your underwear. i`ll see it when you take off your clothes. i don`t need to see the thong over the tops of your pants.

rudeness

particularly to service staff. that`s never, ever sexy. if you can`t work out why on your own, you`re a fucking moron [see stupid people]

*edit

inappropriate attire

wear clothes that are comfortable and appropriate to your age and occassion. too tight, too short, too young, too old, too much of anything is not sexy.

language abuse

how do i say this and sound like a snob. i need to understand what you`re saying at all times. there is a time and place for dialect, but mangling language for the sake of being cool [say it with me now: un-fucking-sexy]

one dimensional character

be more than what you`re wearing, where you work, where you live. read, live, travel, have an opinion, be yourself.

i`m sure there will be additions to this list as they come to me.

*addendum I

spandex

it`s a right, not a privilege

the comb over

it`s either you`ve got the hair or you don`t. combing it over does not hide male pattern baldness.

dragon toes

nail clippers are not expensive. trim those toes nails.

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