so now i’m not longer blinded by rage, i’m just quietly angry, it’s just a dull throbbing in the back of my head, i’ve secluded myself at work… looking for images. i can’t actually work, i am so unfocussed right now it isn’t funny.

i’m tired. i feel beaten. i would cry if i thought i would be able to stop or if there were enough tears in the world. i wont ever consider giving up because i don’t think i’d ever be happy again if i did.
but i don’t know what else to do. i do actually, the anal retentive in me always has a plan B thru F.

the question is how viable are these plans and how much longer do i have to wait.

all i really want is to fall asleep next to vic every night, for us to be safe together, i don’t care where, just as long as we’re together.

is that too much to ask? is that so difficult?

a friend told me that i’ll be able look back on this and laugh at some point, i’d just like to know when.

what also pisses me off is the fucking attitude of these people – we own your lives so we can treat you however we like and because of sept 11 we don’t have to answer to anyone, fuck you very much.

i…

FUCK!

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