i know i promised to get back with all the details of my bureaucratic hell, but you know what… fuck it, fuck them. i’m not going to let these people upset me.

i spent 20 minutes on the phone spelling and respelling my name, before being told by some functionary that they don’t know it’s me, so even if they weren’t severely understaffed and could be troubled to look for my application, they couldn’t tell me if they had it.

i haven’t done a lick of work all day, just sat around and pretended to be busy. i’m waiting on copy, i could probably write my own but i don’t feel like.

vic and i discussing her moving here (trinidad) at least temporarily, i think a lot of her misgivings about trinidad are my fault, i’m not; as sam pointed out when she called to gloat about going to see the matrix this evening; the poster child for this country, i’m not happy here and it shows.

but it’s all about compromise, i’ve been married almost 18 months and seen my wife less than 10 days, there is something inherently wrong about that. this is not a voluntary seperation, it gets harder and harder with each passing day. it doesn’t help when people ask “why you still here?” or “you don’t miss your wife?” what kind of stupid insensitive shit is that?

i hate having to explain this shit to people over and over. i’m still here, my wife isn’t! what the fuck do you want from me, blood?

i’m going to the canadian embassy tomorrow in the hopes of trading on my father’s migration shortly after my birth. there is something almost comical about trading on the legacy of a man who i barely know, almost 32 years after his departure from my life. this has to be some major karma.

i’m hold on tenuously to the joyful thoughts of how happy vic makes me and the beauty and intelligence of my children. that should be enough shouldn’t it?

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